this is a shared account between alters within a MINOR-BODIED system! :3
we are collectively taken by three WONDERFUL people!!!! love those guys :3 and are collectively fluidflux (i think???) or smth fluid; not coming on here to look for friends or anything, more-so just to have a place to yap! however, bonding is great and i'd personally welcome it :DDD
while interests do vary between the two of us, the consistent ones are: args, singing, our loved ones, physical touch (by trusted people,) youtubers, music, and nature! there are likely more, but yeah :P
here's our intros by the two that'll be running the show, in rentry!!! >_<
(that was a tadc ref)
MY INTRO:
💬 0 🔁 0 ❤️ 1 · sidi's intro !! >w< · - - - - - - - - - - - - -
my name's sidi :3
i use she/sidi pronouns, generally! fine with he/him
me-specific interests:
celebrations, buying gifts, decorating/making things (i made the rentries and pluralkit profiles teehee,) flowers, feathers, romantic movies & films, butterflies, spring time, fireworks, lights, being the #1 hype man ever, and so on! :33
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FEAR'S INTRO:
💬 0 🔁 0 ❤️ 0 · fear's intro !! >,< · - - - - - - - - - - - - -
formatted by sidi... thanks
i'm fear, feargeyt(6774) to be specific (t
fear-specific interests:
writing (they're a GREAT writer,) reading, watching animals, taking naps, voidcore, penguinz0/moistcr1tikal, specifically sunflowers, the moon, oversized hoodies, our room, and so on! >w<
things have been somewhat complicated. on one hand, sidi's no longer frontstuck, and that's great for her. but, i'm alone right now, and i've never been alone. plus, father has gotten harsher, and creepier, sort of? he's asleep now, though.
i figured out that i like cavetown, on the bright side. it was storming earlier, and it was scary, but i didn't panic too much. so, that's good. ice cream awaits in the kitchen, if i'd ever want it. also good!
i wrote some more; it's really calming. i might do the dishes later. i'm trying to make myself less scared/uncomfortable by training myself to be better right now. so, i have my curtains pushed off to the side, and have been trying to live as normal. anyone outside, if they looked, would be able to see me. but, i'm okay right now. so, progress is happening. yay?
i might make myself a playlist for music that i like. i don't know why i haven't yet...?
(no warnings; some anxiety/fear, but that's to be expected)
well, i've been feeling a little better now. apparently, the host's lover knows about us? i didn't know that...? and i don't know how i didn't know that, either. maybe i did, and forgot.
whatever.
point is, some things are improving. i hope that i don't panic tonight—there are two things that we need to do today. i am excited(?), but also very afraid. i guess that's to be expected.
it looks like a nice day outside. there's still time before he gets home. so, i am technically free until then.
i should probably eat now. i have pokemon cards now, though. the lover might like those. do peace offerings work on people? i hope, because i may just take a few photos of them and then go offline, lol.
oh, and i wrote another song. very eventful day, i guess.
(warnings for mental health issues, implied bad parenting, and descriptions of body mutilation (kind of), i guess?)
i really don't know what's wrong with me anymore? and i don't know what else to talk about.
i've felt this day for ages. i don't know if i'm who causes all of the constant fear/anxiety that we feel, but i feel like i am responsible, because i'm constantly so afraid.
we'll have to see a friend soon, for a few days. what if mess something up? the others have told me that it'll be fine, that she cares about and likes us, but i can't believe them.
every time i talk, it is because i am afraid.
and it is four in the morning, and i am afraid.
do these symptoms ever clear? i don't want to exist. why did we have to go through all of that? and why, if i have to deal with everything forever, do i have to forget it all? i want to handle it. i'm strong enough to survive it, and i'm already living in nonstop fear, so why must i forget?
i don't understand.
we choose to surround ourself with people who we deem safe—some systems, some not. yet, i haven't felt anything change. i'm honestly just tired. maybe i should sleep. i tell myself that rest will help, but it never does. and when i put my phone down, i am left with my thoughts.
yet, we are also forced to interact daily with someone who is unsafe to us as his child. so, maybe i'm not wrong for being so scared. if i screamed for help, nobody in this city would hear, because suddenly, everyone would remember that they're deaf. they hide behind fake smiles and false gestures, but i know what they want.
sometimes i wonder if i'm the one that did something wrong, only to realize that i've tried my best since day one. i'm not to blame for my bad life. still, inescapable guilt for things that i never did scratch into my skin like hungry vermin. they come for my soul. they come for my heart. they have already taken me. i hope to taste freedom someday, and i hope for it to stick.
at least my writing's good. at least i am a good person. but, at the very least, i want to be rewarded with peace. don't i deserve that?
