#-callie

[corpse-society]

If you see someone in your asks saying you are your transid just know that even if it wasn’t me it was me in spirit, you are whatever you say you are and I WILL encourage your identity!!

[tswatch]

(Jen) he isn't paying anything and he can't have legal guardianship because he's in jail for armed robbery and possession of drugs. I can't cut back because I can't afford it. My mom mentioned going to therapy but I don't have the time in my day. I just feel bad because I'm honestly losing my mind. Last night I came home from work and sobbed all night. My brother stayed over because he was worried about me and I just don't know how to cope. -Callie

Hi love, sorry for the late response! How have you been since we last talked?

I’m pretty sure he may still be required to pay child support even if he is in jail. It depends on what assets he has. Could you talk to a judge / lawyer / somebody about that?

I know it’s hard to make your mental health a priority, but if you don’t, everything else in your life will begin to crumble. When your mental health suffers, everything else in your life is affected as well. Usually therapy appointments are once a week for an hour. Do you think you could try to find the time to squeeze that in? I think it would really help you!

It’s okay that you broke down the other night. It’s actually healthy to cry and express your emotions. Keeping all of this inside can be extremely detrimental and unhealthy. I’m glad your brother is so supportive and that he stayed over the other night. 

I think you’re a lot stronger than you realize. Remember: the strongest people aren’t the ones who have never fallen, but the ones who have fallen all the way down but then gotten back up. You’ve gotten back up so many times, so that makes you one of the strong ones. This proves that you’re a fighter, and that you can get through things even when you think you can’t!

Please keep me updated!

<3 Jen

[tswatch]

To the anon Callie with Crohn's as a single mom: My sister is 24 and a single mom who also has Crohn's and a number of other diagnoses. I asked her, and she's definitely willing to talk to you. She's someone who can probably relate to a lot of what you're feeling and offer an understanding ear. Her url is SpaceKnish!

^^ thank you so much!!

[tswatch]

(Jen) it's just I don't know how much longer I can handle all the stress. It's been 2 months, and I've been extremely stressed. I'm working 12hr shifts 5 days a week, I'm dealing with Crohn's disease and diabetes and I can't raise a kid on my own like this. No one wants a 22 year old with a kid as their girlfriend. I guess I'm just over reacting but I'm about to lose my mind and completely break down. -Callie

Hi love,

I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. You have every right to feel this way. You have a lot on your plate, more than anybody should have to deal with. Is there any way you can cut back on your work schedule a bit? Overworking yourself is just going to make things ten times worse. I would try to talk to your manager and see if you can come to some sort of compromise. Not only is this negatively effecting you and your personal life, the stress is going to start taking a toll on your work as well. You can’t properly take care of others if you don’t take good care of yourself first, right?

On your two days off, can you try to plan relaxing things that help you de-stress? Like a trip to the park, bake, watch movies, read some books, etc. Or maybe you could plan a vacation... a vacation can be a nice way to recharge and can help break this funk that you are in.

Your ex-boyfriend is still responsible for child support, love. Is he paying child support like he’s supposed to? If not, you should take legal action. The child support might really help take the burden off your shoulders a bit. I know that you said you have full custody of your daughter - could you maybe talk to your ex-boyfriend about him helping out more and him having more custody? That could also help you out a lot. There’s no shame in that, either. Just because you guys broke up doesn’t mean this is all on your shoulders. She’s still his daughter and therefore he is still responsible for her. It’s not fair for him to put this all on you. Is sharing custody more equally an option?

Lastly, you’d be surprised how many people are willing to date someone who has a child! I know quite a few people who are dating people that have children by other people. While there are some people who refuse to date someone if they have a kid, there are plenty of other people that won’t let that stand in the way of a good relationship. You’ll meet someone that will love you and your daughter as if she is their own... I don’t know when, but it will happen!

<3 Jen

[tswatch]

Life was going good, until recently. I had a child with my boyfriend and we were in a happy relationship, but my boyfriend broke up with me (I have legally full custody) and I don't know what to do. My daughter is 2, and I have a full time job as a nurse so I work a lot. My siblings and mom are willing to help with her but I just feel so bad. My depression is at an all time low and I feel like I'm a failure. I just don't know what to do anymore. -Callie

Hi love,

I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now. Heartbreak is one of the worst things in the world to experience. You deserve so much better than to be broken up with. You didn’t do anything wrong... Your boyfriend is losing out. This is his loss, not yours. Please remember that! I also want you to know that time is the best medicine for heartbreak. As more and more time goes on, the pain will fade little by little.

Let me tell you a little story. I dated this guy for five years, and I was absolutely madly in love with him. He hurt me a bunch of times, but I was so in love with him that I kept going back to him. After this one time he had hurt me really badly, I finally said, “Enough is enough, I deserve better than this.” It took me a long time to get over him… probably about three years. In the beginning I was in so much pain. I went into a deep depression, and I thought I was never going to move on from him. I thought about him every second of the day and even dreamt about him at night. But day by day, the pain started to disappear. Then one day, I realized that I hadn’t thought about him the entire day. My dreams of him started to go away. Before I knew it, I would go weeks without him even crossing my mind, and now I’m with a new guy who is absolutely amazing and treats me like I deserve.

I tell you this story because I want you to know that this pain will fade. You won’t feel this way forever, and you will find love again, with someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated!

Also, you’re not a failure. In fact, you sound like the complete opposite of a failure! You’re a nurse, which is an awesome profession to get into. You’re hard-working. You’re independent. You care about your daughter and are being the best mom you can be to her. You’re doing an amazing job raising her despite all of the obstacles you’re facing. None of those things sound like a failure to me!

Have you talked to anybody about how you’re feeling, love? It sounds like your siblings and mother are a good source of support for you... can you talk to them about all of this? It may help!

<3 Jen

[mental-health-advice]

i see a therapist for anxiety. the problem is, it doesn't help. just talking about the same thing week after week has accomplished nothing. i'm 18, but my mom basically controls my life. i live in her house, so i get no choice on taking medication since she said no. on top of that. i'm positive that ive got other mental health problems. i've researched it all and i have a lot of signs for things like OCD, bpd.. i just don't know what to do. -callie

Hey Callie!

First of all I'm really proud of you for getting into therapy and sticking with it- it can be a really hard thing to do and it's awesome that you did!

I am sorry that you feel like therapy hasn't been helping much- do you think maybe changing therapists or trying a different kind of therapy might help you along a bit? Sometimes trying out other therapists can make a world of difference. As I said, it could be the type of therapy so I'm just going to give you a list of a few other types that can help people with anxiety :)

CounsellingThis is predominately a talking therapy which is designed to let you vent and talk about what you need to whilst helping you figure a few things out. People with anxiety often find counselling helpful as it validates how they feel, helps them find out what exactly they are anxious about and sometimes the initial cause of their anxiety.

CBTCognitive Behavioural Therapy works similarly to counselling in that it helps you figure out and understand your problems more but CBT is more guided and often aims at changing behaviours.

Applied RelaxationThis is thought to be just as effective of other therapies and it is aimed at enabling you to work on helping yourself to relax.

As you are 18 you are allowed to be in control of your own recovery. I really do understand how hard it can be to stand up to your mum and take charge but it is super important that you get all the help that you need- maybe this is something you could bring up to your therapist? Your mum must be very protective of you so maybe sitting her down in a neutral room (like a bedroom or the living room) and telling her you understand how she feels but you'd like to look into medication (if that is what you want) and try discussing it with her calmly.

Other mental health issues are often accompanied and worsened by anxiety so it is possible :) I'm going to give you a few really good sites to look at for information on OCD and BPD so that you can read into it a little more.

NHS's page on OCD

OCDUK.org

NHS's page on BPD

Mind.org info on BPD

What I will say is that you shouldn't self diagnose even if you're completely sure that you have said mental illness- it's something you should definitely bring up with your doctor or therapist because other mental illnesses can cause clashes with any treatment that you're having and could make it ineffective  as different illnesses require different approaches and treatments.

Take a deep breath and talk to whoever you think can help you most. You're doing just fine and it is going to be resolved as long as you tell someone what's going on :) If you don't feel like you can talk to your mum just yet, try talking it all out with your therapist and go through which options you feel most comfortable exploring. It's going to be fine, Callie :) Just take a breath and push on!

You are getting along fantastically,Amy-Shona~<3