#-h

[the-masquerade-council]

It is a bit strange how much more comfortable I am reclaiming "sodomite" or "sod" than I am with the f slur being used around me.

[the-masquerade-council]

I have come to accept that one of my roles within the system is to hold emotions related to abandonment, however I have no clue how to go about processing the memories. In contrast with the abuse memories, which a major part of processing is realizing that we/the pre-us system did not do anything wrong. With abandonment memories they happened later so we struggle to play the "we were so young, there was nothing we could do have do to stop it", and when I look back I DO actually see things that might have stop the person/people from leaving.

[thesillycircus]

where did the months go? i haven't been out since march? ish? but also i have and just didn't realize. we've had such a blurry and confusing past couple of months.

i've been wondering if we're faking this all but i think all we really needed was to take a moment and actually look. we've been too afraid to check who we are, because if it turned out we were the old host then that might mean none of this was real, but.. we're all here. we're here. i'm here. and man am i grateful for us for still being here. anyway, i'm tired and we have therapy tomorrow morning so. sleeping time it is.

[the-masquerade-council]

I do not particularly like body scans: "notice the sensations in your head", it hurts. "notice the sensations in your neck", it hurts. "notice the sensations in your shoulders", they hurt a little bit. "notice the sensations in your upper back", it hurts a little bit. "notice the sensations in your lower back", it hurts a lot. "notice the sensations in your stomach", it hurts, also gas. "notice the sensations in your pelvis", it hurts, also think about that make me think of my sexual trauma. "notice the sensations in your hips", they hurt, also think about that make me think of my sexual trauma. "notice the sensations in your knees", they hurt a lot. "notice the sensations in your feet", they hurt a little bit.

[the-masquerade-council]

The story of your life is missing the beginning chapters, and you don't know how many you were supposed to have.

The yous, that you share a standardized you with, all have their own guesses as to what happened and how the beginnnig came to an end.

You feel that the missing beginnnig must have all the answers that will explain why you are the yous that you are.

The you that you are who shares the same words on medical records with the killers in the horror movies.

The you that you are who struggling to feel safe enough to sleep at night.

The you that you are who wants to make a difference.

The you that you are who drinks to forget his own body.

The you that you are who first saw the missing chapters.

The you that you are who feel so estranged from the world around him.

The you that you are who can tolerate anything, and still get to class on time.

The you that you are who are still here to be all the yous that you are.

[masquerade-flags]

hii !!! we love your blog so much...

question !!!

is there any chance of getting like a big drive of all the templates you used for your flags maybe?

Thank you!

So for most of the flags that are straight lines, regardless of whether they are vertical, horizontal, or diagonal we don't use templates. We make the flags in ibispaint which have a filter called "Mosaic" that is the app's version of pixelate, which when applied to straight lines vertical or horizontal made with the ruler tool, evens out and cleans up the lines. For diagonal we have to rotate pre-Mosaiced horizontal lines. For other flags with simple shapes we generally use the circle tool (like on this flag[link]) and the symmetry ruler. Generally we use a 2047 by 1228 canvas size for the flags we make, we use that size because we find that the flags do not look to pixelated and if we went much larger the app would lag more than it already does. The alter roles flags use a preexisting templates, which we honestly don't know where if first came from. This blog also has a our flag templates [link]. We are also currently working on a google drive of all flags that we made, including templates, it currently unfinished; don't have most of them yet and pretty much everything is not named, but here's the link to that

[the-masquerade-council]

Oh that’s hands. Thats hands of my hands