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Last 2 fronters (a blurry guy who never figured out who he was and Orbit) both wanted me to come out.....first guy tried but I was sleeping, then Orbit tired and invited me and I was awake so I came to the front.

I am going to cry because first guy wanted to switch with me so I could do something and not just be sad evening fronter. Orbit agreed with them and so tried a second time when first guy's try failed. They both want me to enjoy being out I think...or just have a fun. ):

(I feel fatigued though so maybe I don't do anything which makes me feel very guilty since the other 2 gave up their front time for me...)

#other post #-indie #its not a sad ): its a 'i am moved'):#regarding the others

I figured out I'm Indie. Anyway even if no one else believes us the F/Os believe us and that means we believe us too...

#other post #-indie #i wish it wasn't something we had to fight to believe. wasnt something we had to accept at all #...

I was taught when I was young that I would only be loved painfully, that the way one gives their love to me is valued more than the way I feel upon receiving it. Within that, I was taught that isolation was a form of love, that being told someone wanted nothing to do with me meant they loved me. Now as an adult, I still struggle to accept love when it heals me, when it feels good. I feel hopeless in being able to treat someone I love right and accepting their love in return without fear that we do these nice things because we hate each other.

#-MJ #-Indie #old ass draft I had to re-word because it was kinda nonsense #its relevant because lately it feels like im ignoring the people I love out of respect for them again bc I think thats how love works #but its not!! when you love people you should give them attention!! thats not an action reserved for people you dont like!!#pfft no wonder I have such bad anxiety. I really think people so much as looking at me means they are upset with me

Why did I not bring a sketchbook im so bored right now aaaa... in other news I just learned the band I like that we always call "the gay band" for like, no reason other than vibes, does have a bisexual frontman so like, somehow, we were right.

#the band being say anything btw #I like them but Candle used to be so mad that I wouldnt let her listen to them bc I'm straight and do not deserve them #which... true but... oh well #-indie #<- totally didnt forget that

That switch sucked so much what the fuck. Why is my brain so fucking mad at me?

#-indie

Love missing my own birthday and deciding to postpone it a month because I can do whatever I want and August makes more sense anyway

#-indie #August 16th mark your fucking calendars!!!#idk if im going to age or not bc I feel like 16 is still right but still!!! a whole day for mee #assuming brain doesnt lock me in the fucking dungeon again!!

Half of the songs on my playlist are songs Candle and Big Man both like a lot and music is pretty triggery for us in general so I'm like. If I skip enough songs maybe you'll go take a nap

#-indie #idk what to do with myself though because the body is agonising but I feel so awake and if I accidentally trigger anyone closer Ill lose it #real mixed bag plus I havent been out in a while so I forgot how to act normal and I am just absolutely metaphorically foaming at the mouth #did you know rabies doesnt exist in the UK? pretty epic #also I made that up so I dont know if its true but you cant prove I'm wrong... probably

#-indie

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