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found more old journals where I describe my daily life as blurry but not "a blur"... girl (gender neutral) that's the disorder. that's the dissociation. we know now.

#-rye #-muffin #plural blog #actually plural #plurality #plural #plural system #plural community #pluralgang #endo safe #willo safe

YOU!!!

Your blog is awesome <3

ahhh thank youuuu <3 YOUR blog is awesome!!!

#we promise we follow u #but since this isn't our main blog I think it shows u a diff one #plural blog #-flour #-muffin

recently, we've been getting the feeling that one of our friends doesn't like some of our alters. he's started treating us differently now that we've stopped masking as much, and doesn't seem to understand that we can't control who fronts all the time. he doesn't seem to understand much about our plurality actually, and doesn't care to know more than his own perspective on it(not being plural) it's frustrating when we try to explain and we can tell it goes right over his head. -Rye

But more than that, it's upsetting. Before finding out about our plurality, he was very supportive while we struggled with our ADHD and major depressive symptoms, even our chronic fatigue!! But his patience has seemed to wane when certain alters are fronting. -Eclair

It's upsetting that our friend doesn't like some of us, because to us it feels like he doesn't like "me", the collective. But!! He is usually very understanding, maybe he just hasn't noticed it and it's an internalized stigma?? I don't want to think of our friend so negatively... maybe we can talk to him about it?? -Muffin

#collective post #-rye #-eclair #-muffin #plural #plurality #plural blog #actually plural #plural system #plural community

we really try to log ourselves when we front but we've been finding that we switch so often that it's harder than we thought... and more often than not we don't even know who we are!

sometimes we feel kinda like someone but not anyone at all, we can't tell if we're new or not. and that makes it hard to do things in our daily lives. we can't focus enough or think ahead or really think at all, and that makes people mad at us when we inevitably mess up.

but we can't just say "it's because of the disorder" every time, or at all, cuz then we feel like we're making excuses. we don't really know what to do tho... we're really struggling, and we keep disappointing everyone and making them mad because we keep forgetting.

one of our friends said "you need to get your shit together" and he's right!!! but none of us really know how without professional help and there's no one we can even go to about this. we have no money for any kind of therapy, we thought we could help ourselves but we were very very wrong!!!

we want to be better but we keep messing up. we keep ruining things. I'm starting to think we can't "get better". and I'm sorry that we haven't.