1. Nnoites office au where Nnoitra works in an office at which Tesla is an employee of the company contracted to do maintenance. Mostly he comes to the building three times a week just to water & care for the plants and check the outlets and stuff but Nel (and her very irritating fraccion) is the entirety of network administration/IT helpdesk and so once Nnoitra meets Tesla he demands that he fix like, um, everything. Tesla veers wildly between pure terror and a bone deep "oh my god lemme smash"
the other parts of the message plus my actual reply will be under read more since it’s a lot of text, but holy shit dude i really appreciate this and it’s an incredible distraction. THANK YOU.
2. Nnoitra gets great satisfaction out of forcing Tesla to do shit with hardware he has no idea how to do & Tesla is very calm about everything usually and Nnoitra enjoys watching him become increasingly less calm as things start going wrong and one time something starts smoking etc
3. Nel apologises to Tesla six times for Nnoitra. She corners him in the lifts and asks him if he needs HR even though he's a 3rd party and not an employee bc, just, so many people have reported Nnoitra to HR don't even worry about it. In terms of the actual work she tells him just to come get her, seriously, she'll deal with whatever hardware problem he's got. She's kind, and genuine, and Nnoitra has some weird fixation with her?? and Tesla just cannot BELIEVE how much he loathes her.
4.After the 6th time Nel finally gets that Tesla is ALWAYS going to be there (cannibalising one computer to fix a second, probably) until after seven at night while Nnoitra crosses his long legs and watches like he has aalll the time in the world to get some kind of perverse pleasure out of this bullshit. She just. Goes home. You know what? Shit's not her problem unless he logs a request. And he hasn't done that in three years. (which is probably why his hardware is falling apart.)
5. Meanwhile, Tesla is developing an unfortunate Pavlovian response to the *click click* of Nnoitra's heels. The best/worst part is that nobody is there at 9pm when Tesla finally finishes whatever weird shit Nnoitra makes him do. ("chair broke," he says, indicating vaguely to a pile of plastic and steel, which has obviously been. intentionally destroyed.) so nobody is there when Nnoitra kicks the hr manager's office door shut after them & perches on the edge of the desk & smiles all wide & mean
6. That's it, but note: a) Nnoitra keeps his boots on for all sex scenes. b) The HR manager is probably Gin, which explains the amount of bullshit Nnoitra is getting away with. c) this is an old AU and you don't need to post any of my many many asks if you don't feel up to it but I hope it was a distraction for you :P
i’m honestly in love with this au and i love the implications of everything. nnoitra never wants to gets help from nelliel or her fraccion so he just gets some poor inexperienced (and possibly cute? 👀) worker. to... “fix” the things instead. even if tesla doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing, it’s sure as hell better than nelliel. for nnoitra, at least.
...does tesla actually consider reporting nnoitra though? i mean, obviously not, but like, when nelliel corners him. is he like, “lol ok” in some sort of dismissive way, or is it like, “...okay”, where he’s like, “hm. never thought about doing that before. i should. but. i wanna smash tho?”
also related to messages 5 and 6: this could be accompanied by nnoitra spreading his legs and, if he has one, loosening his tie. p l e a s e. PLEASE. i beg of u.
...also,
*chants* CLOTHED SEX. CLOTHED OFFICE SEX IN THE HR MANAGER’S OFFICE.
