Well, since @wormholy mentioned the game we've been working on, I guess I should probably show off some of the stuff I've been doing lately. But I have to emphasize, they're lighting tests and mood tests! Tests!! Well, I am glad you like them anyway, though...
II: Now or Never
genre: angst, suggestive - word count: 2252
You stirred. The sun shone through the drapes into your eyes fluttering open from a night of sleep. It took you a second to orient yourself and realise that this was not your bed nor was it even your house. Groggily, you stretched and yawned as memories flooded in of the night before.
Although you knew it was far from the smartest thing to do, yesterday, as you sat there crying on the floor with the bartender’s note in your hand, you decided to call her. Almost immediately after she picked up, you sobbed into the phone and nearly unintelligibly pleaded to spend the night – or at least what was left of it.
You felt pathetic, but she didn’t hesitate. She sent you her address and you trudged towards her apartment, feeling hopeless and sorry for yourself. You hoped that by the time you got there, there’d be no tears left to cry, but the moment she opened the front door, it all started over again. The girl, still dressed in her work clothing, embraced you and led you to the living room where she sat you down and listened to your many stories about the issues plaguing your relationship and how they came to a head in your argument with your girlfriend yesterday.
Yes, you being there and airing out your relationship problems to someone that was basically a stranger trying to hit on you just a few hours prior was not the most wise thing to do – you knew that, but as you sat there, whatever was the ‘wise thing to do’ was the last thing on your mind. This felt right. Finally, someone was listening to you, and you had their attention – their undivided attention.
On top of that, the girl was actually very sweet. She advised you and gave you honest insights in the situation. When you cried all the tears you could manage, your throat was too dry to speak and your eyelids started feeling heavy, she offered for you to sleep in her bed as she would sleep in her roommate’s room. It was an offer you were too tired to decline, not that you wanted to anyway. At the end of the night, you felt comforted and were happy with the choice of coming to her.
And right now, as you moved through her house towards the kitchen where the smell of breakfast awaited you, you were still more than happy with that choice.
“Good morning,” you gave her a small wave when she glanced at you over her shoulder. She smiled and motioned for you to sit at the kitchen table, and you obliged. Trying to lighten the mood, you joked. “I bet in your years of experience, you’ve never seen an emotional drunk like me, huh?”
She snickered at that “Like I said, I’ve seen my fair share.” She shrugged. “But I do admit that no one has ever before come to my house and finished my box of tissues to wipe their snotty noses.”
You playfully scoffed. “First time for everything.”
“I guess so.” She laughed and scooped some freshly fried eggs onto a plate for you. “By the way, your girlfriend, Sana was it?” you nodded, perking up at the sound of her name. “she’s been blowing up your phone all morning.” The girl said, motioning to the phone you had left in her living room the previous night.
Your heart skipped a beat at the thought of the last conversation you two had. Since you’d been together for a while, of course there had been some disagreement here and there previously…but yesterday? Yesterday felt like something more definite, like a break-up. What that what it truly was? What that was it should have been?
When you checked your phone, you saw that there had been 5 missed calls and 4 text messages from Sana, one of those in particular standing out to you.
Sana: I’m sorry for yesterday… please, come home, okay? We’ll talk about it. The right way this time.
“So?” the bartender, or at this point a newly made friend, asked you. “What are you going to do?”
“Go home, I guess.” You sighed. “I mean, I definitely can’t stay here, right? You don’t have any tissues anymore.”
She laughed again. “Okay, prankster.” She raised an eyebrow at you. “Be for real. How are you going to fix this?”
“…I don’t know.” You honestly muttered, stabbing at the eggs on your plate.
The girl hummed. “Do you want to? Fix it?”
“I don’t know.” You repeated. “Yesterday kind of felt …final. I don’t know how to go from there.”
“If there’s anything I could conclude from everything you told me yesterday, you sound like you love her a lot.” She gave you the slightest smile when she spoke. “Maybe that’s enough, and you can take it from there?”
“I hope so.” You shrugged.
“That’s a good sign,” The girl nodded. “but, uhm, how do you think your girlfriend is going to react to you staying here for the night?”
Even though nothing happened, you winced at the thought of having to tell Sana where you had spent the night. “Not too well, I think.” You snickered and scratched the back of your neck in awkwardness. “She’s not the biggest fan of you.”
The other girl grimaced and gave you an apologetic look. “Again, I’m so sorry for that…I didn’t realise the two of you were actually together, otherwise I would have never-“
“It’s okay.” You interrupted, honestly. “I believe you.”
Deciding that it was time to face the issue head on, you grabbed your phone and texted Sana you were coming back. The entire way home, the argument of the previous night replayed in your mind. There were so many things left unsaid, and you and Sana had just scratched the surface – but if yesterday already ended the way it did…would you make it through today?
As you approached your front door, you tried pushing all of those thoughts away, but your racing heart couldn’t seem to catch up with your head quick enough.
The moment you walked through the door, you were immediately engulfed into a hug from Sana. She was already crying as she muttered a string of apologies to you. With a sigh, you hugged her back. Even after all the hurt, being in her embrace was still home to you.
You guided her into the living room, and it wasn’t until she sat down that you finally got a good look at her. She looked tired, almost as if she got no sleep at all. Sana wore her pyjamas, but her make-up was still perfectly placed from the night before – although smudged from crying. You hated seeing her this way, so broken.
In your heart, you wanted to hold onto her. Apologise for everything and take it all back – pretend like yesterday never happened, but you knew that this all had to come to a head someday and it was probably going to be now or never.
So when she motioned for you to come sit next to her on the couch, you shook your head and sat as far away from her as you could – you knew that once she hugged you one more time, you’d give in.
Sana bit her lip and tried blinking away her tears as she started apologizing once more, but you halted her. “Before we start I have something to get off my chest.” You sighed. “I want to be completely honest with you…the bartender from yesterday, I spent the night there last night.”
At this, her whole demeanour changed from somewhat eager to completely defeated. In the way she hung her head, sniffed and whispered a quiet “Oh.” it seemed like you broke her spirit, like you completely broke her.
As she started to cry once more, you panicked. Forgetting (or more-so neglecting) the fact that you decided to put your foot down and keep your distance from her, you quickly moved towards her, sat down on the floor opposite her and held onto her hand. Who were you kidding? You hated seeing her like this. Maybe there was nothing that she could ever do to make you able to resist her or not feel the urge to comfort her…
And as you sat there, with her head rested on your shoulder while she cried, you were seriously doubting whether that was a good thing.
Sighing, you held onto her chin as you wanted her to at least look you in the eye to see how honest you were when you said, “Sana, nothing happened.”
“Really?” she asked, her lip quivering.
“Really.” You nodded. “We just talked a lot, or at least I talked a lot…and cried a lot.”
For a second it was quiet. Sana wiped away the tears on her cheeks with the sleeves of her sweater, cleared her throat and for the first time since you’ve met her, you couldn’t tell what she was thinking.
With a voice so soft that you wondered if she hoped you wouldn’t hear or answer her, she asked. “Did you want something to happen?”
“No, Sana.” You spoke without hesitation. “I know it was stupid to go over there, especially after our argument yesterday. I just didn’t know where else to go…”
“I’m sorry you felt that way.” She said. “And I’m sorry for everything. For the things I said yesterday, for letting you leave…all of it. When you were gone, I couldn’t sleep. The bed felt so empty without you, and I just wanted you there with me.”
You stayed quiet, feeling tears of your own brim at your eyes. Although you were glad to hear she missed you as you did her, you knew you were both beating around the bush. You were spinning circles around the true reason you both were sat in your living room – an emotional mess.
“Sana…” you sighed. “Am I not enough for you?”
Your heart broke a little more with every second of silence that filled the room. Maybe you took her by surprise, or maybe she was preparing to give you an answer you didn’t truly want to hear. Whatever it was, it made her sigh and bite her lip.
“I apologize if I sometimes don’t make you feel that way…but I really and truly want you alone.” Sana said softly. She cupped your face with both hands and you tried looking anywhere but into her eyes – you couldn’t afford to drown in her empty promises, not again anyway.
“I’ve heard that before…” You said as you tried to swallow away the lump in your throat. “Many times before, Sana.”
“Please, look at me.” She urged and reluctantly you met her worrying eyes. “And please believe me when I say that don’t care for anybody else the way that I care for you. I will never love anyone in the way that I love you.”
When you didn’t answer, she pulled you closer by your shirt. “Please, believe me.” She pleaded and planted a kiss on your cheek. Your eyes fluttered shut at her touch and you felt your defences slowly break down once she kissed your lips and whispered against them, “I want you, only you.”
“Sana…” you managed to mutter in between her kisses, although you were not quite sure how to follow it up. You felt lightheaded at how her kisses were suddenly trailing down your neck, and at how she urged you to come closer.
Your head knew that this was not the way – nothing would be resolved if this would end the way your body wanted it to…but your lips wanted hers, so maybe that’s why you couldn’t help but kiss her back. Your fingertips wanted to feel her skin, so they found their way under her shirt…and when she whimpered your name, you convinced yourself that maybe she meant it all this time.
While your head begged for you to talk it out and pleaded for your future with Sana, your heart could only focus on the here and now. With the way her arms were wrapped around you, you felt that maybe if you’d kiss her, hold her, or touch her just right…maybe then you could show her just how much you wanted her and how much you needed her fully.
So, as you had many times before, you pushed aside the hurt and pulled her closer. You held onto your love for dear life and kissed her neck as you urged her, “Say it again.”
“Baby,” she spoke. Her voice shook, breath hitched, and she hissed at the way you bit down her neck. “I only want you.” She breathily said.
When you pushed her back onto the couch and climbed on top of her, you looked down at her. Her chest was heaving, her fingers desperate to touch your skin and lip trapped between her teeth, lost in desire. For a second you looked into her eyes and searched for any hint of falsehood when you once again asked her, “Please…say it again.”
Without hesitation, she obliged. As she pulled you on top of her by the collar of your shirt, she panted that she would only ever be yours. So you kissed her, hoping that through her whimpers and moans she’d tell you one more time and that then you’d finally be able to believe that you were enough for her…that you were all she would ever need.
...me immediately realizing i forgot to do any color adjustment on the 2nd gif because I was so distracted by the goddamn yellow filter on the first one
honestly the only way im gonna get over the feeling that everybody's gonna make fun of me is just to power through it and notice how nobody makes fun of me but like things that are hard arent fun to do
he’s STUDYING , because that’s all he really knows how to do. things seem different around them , and yet he’s still here , on the steps of the library with his nose in a history book. “ did you know that teeth used to be pulled from corpses for soldiers to use as prosthetics ? the prior version of dentures , very fascinating. ” he’s talking to himself , or maybe to the person next to him ––– at this rate , he didn’t have a single clue. he’d been studying for three hours , but that was besides the point. a finger pushing up on the center are large circular glasses , and his eyes finally meet the body next to him. “ maybe i need to eat soon . . . i don’t even know what time it is. ”
