worthy of love (pt. i)
you and mina would make the perfect couple if you would just get out of your own way.
mina x masc!female reader
from this request, angst, mina is down the fuck bad, reader needs to get a grip
i'm gonna be so honest i'm not sure how well i followed this request 😭 i just started writing and went with what came out so anon I'm sorry if this isn't quite what you had in mind but i hope you still like it 🫣
decided to split it in half since i’ve taken years to get to it and it’s still not finished, so here’s part 1 :)
*throws and runs*
"mina, all i'm saying is that if she keeps pulling stupid stunts like this on you, i think you really need to consider how much of this is worth it."
they were back here again. like clockwork.
sana and jihyo would call it a gentle intervention; two friends helping out another friend who they think is completely oblivious to the fact that she's fighting a losing battle.
mina would call it an invasion of the very little privacy she gets as a result of practically living on top of eight other women for over a decade.
the three of them were sat on the floor, the last of the members left in the practice room after hours of repeating the same formations and movements for the fourth time this week. all mina wanted was food, her bed, and her switch, but sana and jihyo seemed to have another idea.
"mina," sana sighed, shuffling herself across the floor so she was sat directly in front of the younger woman, "we only keep bringing this up because we're worried about you. i know how your brain works and i don't want you to spiral because you're not getting what you need from her."
it's not news to anyone close to her that she had a tendency to let her thoughts take over her life sometimes, she just wished she was slightly better at hiding it. not because it was the healthy thing to do, but because it resulted in conversations like this one where she ended up crying, and her members ended up doing nothing but worry about her. she knew sana and jihyo had no intention of letting this go, but she honestly just wanted them to leave it alone and let her deal with it by herself.
mina felt the small lump in her throat become more painful and the first tear slipped out before she could cover her face properly. sana wasted no time in wrapping her up in her arms, wishing she could just hide mina away from everything that could ever hurt her.
jihyo had stayed quiet for most of this particular conversation. she didn't necessarily think of herself as an angry person (even if her members joked otherwise), but the longer you continued to chip away at the happy and stable mina that she knew, the more she could feel the ever-growing fire getting hotter inside of her.
"i think," jihyo started, watching sana brush away the tears from mina's cheeks, "that she either doesn't know what she wants and she's just stringing you along until she figures it out, or she just cant admit to herself that she actually likes you and she's pushing you away because of it."
that pulled a quiet laugh out of mina, because that's exactly what this was and she'd known that for a long time.
she wasn't stupid. she was well aware of the fact that you were just as insecure as she was, you just had a different way of showing it. she'd try to communicate with you and you'd just push her even further away. she'd talk to you about her insecurities but no matter how hard she tried to force them out of you, you kept them so deep inside mina felt like she was talking to a brick wall. it felt like a fight she was never going to win, but she was already too deep into whatever this relationship was to let you go.
she wasn't giving up on you, she just hoped you weren't going to give up on her either.
you were supposed to be going to mina's for dinner that night. nothing fancy or over the top; just a quiet meal together that the japanese woman had been looking forward to all week.
but of course, you had bailed yet again, and instead you found yourself wandering the streets of seoul with somebody you probably shouldn't be seen with, knowing for certain you'd be screwed if mina ever found out.
"so, how long are you going to keep lying to yourself about how you really feel about her?"
"i'm not lying to myself, yeji."
"yes you are, and i'm sick of seeing you hurt other people because you can't be honest with yourself."
you slowed your pace, watching her walk a few more steps in front of you before she realised you'd come to a complete stop.
self-esteem had never been your strong suit. you second guessed yourself more often than not and spent most of your time picking apart and dissecting all the things you didn't like about yourself. you needed constant reassurance but hated feeling too needy, and you hardly ever believed a single compliment that anyone gave to you.
all of this combined made you the perfect disaster of a romantic partner - if you even made it that far.
you let out a defeated sigh, "i'm not trying to hurt her."
yeji gave you a knowing smile, "i know you're not, but you're not doing a very good job."
the sounds of the street filled the familiar space between you. it hadn't been long since the two of you had gotten back in touch and you were still getting used to talking to each other again. even after all this time, you could never quite get over how yeji could read you like a book. she knew you like the back of her hand, and you already knew she had figured out what was going on with you and mina from the first few minutes of you confiding in her.
"it took me over a year to finally get you to stop running from me," yeji laughed, hands in her pockets as she still remained those few steps ahead of you, "we then had another two years together and just because we're not together anymore, doesn't mean i've forgotten the kind of person you are."
she stepped closer to you, making sure you were taking in what she was saying.
"you," she raised her eyebrows, poking you in the chest, "are your own worst enemy and you always have been."
"yeji, i-"
"no, let me finish," she cut you off immediately.
"you get yourself into these situations because you don't believe you're good enough for anyone which couldn't be further from the truth. you're smart, you're caring, and yes, you're so infuriatingly stupid at times, but you are an incredible person and you are worthy of love. for some reason you still don't believe that, and until you do, you're just going to keep hurting her over and over again until she finally leaves for good."
she turned after that, continuing to walk along the side of the river the two of you had spent so much time at in the past. you followed alongside her, walking in silence as you let the harsh reality of her words sink in.
you wanted mina and you knew she wanted you, but yeji was right; you had always been your own worst enemy and if you carried on acting like you had been, mina wasn't going to stick around forever.
the jyp building wasn't exactly where you expected to find yourself on a thursday morning, but your feet seemed to have taken you there before your brain could catch up with them. it looked taller and more daunting than you remembered from the last time you visited; like it was intentionally making itself scarier to look at so you wouldn't venture inside.
you weren't entirely sure what your plan was or why your subconscious had decided turning up here was a good idea. what were you supposed to do, find mina and say 'sorry?' yeah right, like that was actually going fix anything.
luckily for you (or not?), mina just so happened to be making her way towards the building, hoodie pulled over her head with...
sana and jihyo in tow.
your brain told you to run like it always did, but your feet stayed rooted to the ground. they didn't walk you all the way here just so you could chicken out, but you knew from experience mina's members weren't the ones to mess with. they were each others ride or die and it wouldn't be the first time you'd gotten on their bad side.
jihyo spotted you first, a crease forming in her brow like she was trying to figure out what gave you the audacity to show up at mina's place of work after what you pulled on her last night. she nudged sana with her elbow, discreetly gesturing to you with a nod and praying mina hadn't seen you. her eyes had been firmly stuck to the ground since she got out of jihyo's car, but the leader didn't want to take any chances; not after last night.
you caught sana's glare immediately, watching as she whispered something to jihyo before the korean woman swiftly grabbed mina's hand and hurried her into the building.
mina, still completely unaware of the silent confrontation that had just happened, didn't even think twice and you followed her with your eyes as she disappeared out of sight.
"are you out of your god damn mind?"
sana was not someone you'd ever considered scary in the slightest, but the way she was standing, arms folded and stare fixated on you, was making you rethink the image you had of her in your head entirely.
"sana, i just-"
"you just what? hmm? you can't just show up here like this after the crap you pulled last night, and the time before that and the time before that. i don't care what you think you're doing, you need to leave."
"i just want to talk to her."
sana scoffed, an incredulous laugh escaping her as she looked at you like you had two heads.
"seriously?" she took a step towards you, lowering her voice which somehow made her even scarier, "you seriously think i'm going to let you talk to her?"
her stare was unmoving and you knew you'd already lost at whatever it was you were trying to achieve.
"sana, what are you- oh."
"mina, go inside."
"mina, please can i just talk to you?"
"mina, go inside."
after noticing sana hadn't made her way into the company, mina had gone back to check on her despite jihyo's reassurances that she was 'probably fine'. something had felt off, and now she knew why.
her eyes flicked between you and sana like she was watching a tennis match; your eyes were firmly on her, meanwhile sana still hadn't broken the death glare she'd trained on you.
she felt her breath catch in her throat. you'd never just shown up like this before and she honestly wasn't sure what to do. she was so used to you ignoring her and brushing her off until you eventually returned to her like nothing had ever happened.
"what are you doing here?" she muttered, so quietly you barely heard her over the street noise.
you exhaled, wiping your suddenly sweaty palms against your jeans, "i want to apologise. i've been kinda shitty and i owe you an explanation."
"kinda shitty?" she laughed, "i'm glad you finally noticed but you can't just show up to my work unannounced and expect me to hear you out."
despite how hopelessly enamoured she was with you, mina did like to think she had some standards. she'd usually moved past the feelings of frustration and hurt by the time you'd eventually talk to her after bailing for what felt like the millionth time, but this time, the feelings were still fresh. it wasn't that many hours ago she was crying in sana's arms on the practice room floor (a situation that was becoming way too frequent).
finally, she looked you dead in the eyes, "go home. and if you hadn't completely blown me off last night without an explanation, there wouldn't even be an apology to owe. not to mention the hundreds of other apologies i'm still waiting for."
weeks had passed since that day and in all honesty, you wished you'd fought harder but you talked yourself out of it. what gave you the right to go chasing after her after everything you'd done? or in other words, what you hadn't done.
so, instead, you waited. what you were waiting for you weren't exactly sure of, but if anything was to come of this relationship you decided it should be on mina's terms. from your perspective, the ball was in her court.
from mina's perspective, it looked like you'd given up.
"i just don't get how one day she turns up begging to talk to me and now its been weeks of nothing," mina sighed, messing with the cuff of her sleeve, "i thought she'd at least try to text me or something."
"maybe she's trying to give you some space?"
chaeyoung knew that was a stupid thing to say even before the deadpan look mina sent her.
"all she does is give me space, chae, if she gives me anymore she might as well be on another planet."
they were sat in a practice room in one of the quieter areas of the company building. it wasn't their practice room, but the twice members used it sometimes when they just needed a different space. it was still four walls with the same hardwood floor and mirrors, but it was as close to different as they could get while still being fairly private.
there was a knock on the door before it was pushed open by none other than the only person who knew you better than mina did.
it looked like the twice members weren't the only ones who used this space as a little getaway.
yeji took one look at who was already in the room before mentally cursing at herself. of course she had to stumble upon the one person she'd been trying her hardest to avoid for the last few weeks.
"unnie, why are you just stood in the doorway? go- oh. hi, unnies."
ryujin pushed her into the room before she noticed mina and chaeyoung were already occupying it.
"hey, how are you?" chaeyoung smiled, beckoning the two to come and join her and mina. ryujin happily obliged, but yeji stood awkwardly for a moment, wondering if there was any way she could make a run for it without it looking strange.
she ultimately decided against it, sitting down between ryujin and mina in a small makeshift circle.
chaeyoung and ryujin did most of the talking; mina chimed in every now and again while yeji only commented when she was directly spoken to. she was awful at hiding things, and being sat next to the woman who her ex-girlfriend was now in a somewhat relationship with, who also happened to be her senior, was putting her slightly on edge. not to mention the fact mina was well aware that yeji was your ex but had no idea the two of you had been talking again, even if it was just as friends.
amongst the conversation, yeji's phone buzzed against the floor where it was placed between her and mina. she didn't even think to check it, she was too focused on acting normal, but it drew mina's attention.
"so she can speak to her ex but i just get radio silence?"
yeji's heart dropped to the pit of her stomach.
it was rare for mina to ever feel true jealousy, but seeing your name flash across yeji's phone made her stomach twist. why were you texting her? were you seeing each other again and that's why you kept blowing her off?
"unnie?" chaeyoung looked confused, redirecting all of her attention towards mina who had started to gather her things as if she was about to leave.
ryujin took one look at yeji before piecing together what was happening, but she stayed quiet, letting the situation play out.
"mina unnie, it's honestly not like that," yeji composed herself, "i know it looks bad but it's not like that, i promise."
mina exhaled, breath shaking with an anger she wasn't used to. she hadn't wanted to think the worst when you kept avoiding her and changing plans last minute, but maybe she'd been too naive. the thought of you talking to other people hadn't really been an idea she'd considered, partly because she didn't want to believe you would do that to her, but maybe you'd just been playing with her this whole time.
she was pulled out of her thoughts by a warm hand on her arm.
yeji smiled awkwardly, "please sit down, i'll explain everything."
she wasn't even aware she'd stood up, but talking to yeji right now was the last thing she wanted to do. she didn't need to hear about the conversations you were having with your ex-girlfriend, and she sure as hell didn't need to hear them with an audience.
"unnie," chaeyoung shot her a pointed look when she noticed her hesitation, "just hear her out. you don't know what the situation is unless you hear it for yourself."
the younger twice member knew from mina's face that she'd already made up a scenario in her head of what she thought had happened, and if she left now, she'd only spiral even further. mina hated how easy she was to read, but one raised eyebrow from chaeyoung immediately had her sitting down again, eyes focusing anywhere except on yeji.
itzy's leader took a breath, mentally preparing herself for this conversation that could go in any direction depending on mina's reaction.
"she's talking to me about you."
"what?" mina's head had never snapped up so fast.
"we started talking again here and there a few months ago but just as friends, i swear. on the day she was supposed to be going to your house when she bailed, she called me. she said she just needed someone to talk to who understood her and i guess the first person she thought of was me," yeji paused, searching for any signs of anger on mina's face.
when she saw no reaction at all, she continued.
"as soon as she started explaining the situation to me i immediately knew what the problem was but that's not for me to tell you, that should come from her," she paused again, but mina was staring at the floor.
yeji exhaled, trying to figure out what to say next.
"mina unnie, she's probably the stupidest person i've ever met," ryujin cut in before yeji could open her mouth, "and it's not because she hates you or because she's a horrible person, she's just stupid. what she's doing to you is exactly what she did to yeji unnie. she doesn't know how to communicate with people like a normal person without feeling like she's burdening everyone, she takes forever to open up because she doesn't know how to accept the fact that people genuinely care about her, and she lives inside her own head and it's ridiculously difficult to try and pull her out of it," ryujin listed off on her fingers without missing a beat.
over the time you'd spent with yeji, you and ryujin became quite close. she'd seen first hand how you became when you were spiralling about something, and there'd been many times when she was the one to pull you out of it when yeji was unavailable. she'd always accepted your stupid way of dealing with things no matter how much it annoyed her because it's just how you were wired. ryujin knew you needed people who understood why you acted the way you did, instead of just looking at what you did.
yeji spoke again after finding the right words, "you have every right to be pissed about how she's handled things and i get it, i really do, she's an idiot, but the only reason she's acting like this is because she genuinely likes you. if she didn't, she wouldn't have even mentioned anything to me and i didn't know she had the balls to show up here like she did the other week," yeji smiled at mina when she finally caught her eye.
"i think you just need to get her to explain why she is how she is, and i know it feels like trying to draw blood from a stone sometimes but i really do think she's realised now that this has gone on for too long."
mina slowly dragged her hands down her face. she knew what she needed to do, but this was only going to work if you finally stopped running from her.
mina thought about ambushing you at work like you'd done to her but quickly decided against it, realising it was probably the least likely scenario in which she'd get an actual conversation out of you.
she did however, ambush you at home which is how you found yourself stood on your doorstep with a very tired looking japanese woman on the other side of it.
"mina... hey."
"hi."
the silence was awkward yet familiar at the same time, but it wasn't suffocating like you thought it was going to be. perhaps it would've been in another scenario, but the two of you were just too exhausted to feel it.
quietness was something you both lived in comfortably; it's one thing mina was famous for, and something that brought you peace, but one of you was going to have to break it.
so mina did.
"i don't know how to start this conversation without crying but we really need to talk," she mumbled, eyes flicking to the floor.
you took in her appearance for the first time since that morning at the company. that was nearly a month ago and while you were glad to see her, you hated how broken she looked and hated even more that you were the cause of it.
her hair was beautifully done, her makeup was perfect, her outfit was casual yet stylish at the same time, but something in her eyes was missing.
that's when you saw the first tear.
in all the times you'd come back to mina after you'd screwed up, never once had you seen her cry.
maybe that's why it hit you so hard. it's not like mina had never been vulnerable with you, but seeing her cry on your doorstep brought forward a different kind of guilt that you hadn't felt before. she was really hurting and it was all because of you.
you had never been good with words, so you did the only thing you could think of. you took a step toward her, reaching out your hand and letting it hover uncertainly between you.
you watched as she looked at it with glassy eyes; more tears had rolled down her cheeks and she moved to wipe them away.
she didn't do anything for a while, just stared at your hand while you waited with bated breath. she could've done a number of things, but taking your hand and meeting you half way was the last thing you expected her to do.
so when she proved you wrong and did exactly that, you froze.
mina looked from your joint hands up to your face, finding the surprised look on your face slightly amusing.
"so are we just going to stand here or are you going to let me in?"
"i'm an idiot."
"i know."
"i'm such an idiot."
"you already said that."
"i don't-"
"hey, let's just breathe for a second, yeah?"
mina cut you off, placing her mug on the counter. the two of you had made your way into your kitchen after you'd offered to make coffee. it was the only thing you could think of to make the situation more manageable for yourself without having to jump straight into discussing anything.
she moved to stand in front of you where you were leaning against the counter top.
"the last thing we need is for you to start spiralling right now, okay?"
"i know, i'm sorry."
"don't be sorry, i'm just happy you're finally talking to me."
you put your mug down to sit beside her's, focusing all of your attention on the woman in front of you. you didn't know what to say to her or what you even wanted to say to her. all of your thoughts were jumbled in your mind, tangled between fear and self-doubt. you'd been waiting for the opportunity to finally explain yourself to mina, but now that she was here with you, you couldn't get the words out.
mina noticed your inner-conflict, she'd seen it before, but no matter how frustrated and upset she was with you after how you'd treated her, she knew asking you to explain yourself right now wasn't going to help. if anything, it might just make you retreat even more.
but she knew you were trying. she could see it in your face. you just didn't know how to get your thoughts to come out as words.
you took a deep breath, exhaling sharply, "i'm not good at this. not good with words, i mean."
"i know you're not," she smiled, "i just need you to try. that's all i'm asking for."
she closed the gap between you, taking both of your hands in hers.
"but i don't think right now is the time for this conversation."
even if the only thing to come out of today was for mina to know you were finally ready to stop running from her, then that was good enough. not everything needed to be explained today. emotions were high and you were both exhausted, but you had taken the first step to bridging the gap.
"i'm going to go home," she explained, "and when you're ready to talk more, let me know, okay?"
you lifted your eyes, catching her gaze again, and you nodded.
"okay."
