Once upon a time, in an alternate reality, the Umbrella Academy consisted of five Hargreeves, all of whom were remarkably dim-witted. Despite their lack of intelligence, they had managed to save the world on several occasions, though not always intentionally.
One day, the five Hargreeves were sitting in their headquarters, trying to come up with a plan to stop an impending alien invasion. As they brainstormed, they struggled to grasp even the most basic concepts.
"Okay, so we need to stop the aliens," said Dumb Five, the leader of the group. "But how do we do that?"
"I know!" exclaimed Dumber Five. "We could just throw pies at them!"
The other three Hargreeves stared at Dumber Five in confusion, but before they could say anything, they heard a loud noise outside.
"It's the aliens!" cried Dumb Five. "Quick, everyone grab a pie!"
The Hargreeves rushed outside, armed with pies, to face the alien threat. As they approached the invaders, they realized that throwing pies probably wasn't going to be very effective.
"Uh, guys," said Dumb Five, "I don't think this is going to work."
Suddenly, they heard a voice from above. It was the voice of the wise and powerful Umbrella Academy member, Number One.
"What are you all doing?" he asked.
"We're trying to stop the aliens!" said Dumb Five proudly, holding up his pie.
Number One sighed. "That's not going to work. You need to use your powers."
The Hargreeves looked at each other in confusion. "Powers?" said Dumber Five.
"Yes, your powers," said Number One. "You all have unique abilities that you can use to fight the aliens."
The Hargreeves suddenly remembered that they did indeed have powers. Dumb Five could manipulate time, Dumber Five could control gravity, and the other three had various other abilities.
With newfound confidence, the Hargreeves used their powers to defeat the alien invaders. As they celebrated their victory, they realized that maybe they weren't so dumb after all.
"We did it!" said Dumb Five. "And we didn't even need the pies!"
The other Hargreeves chuckled and high-fived each other. They may have been dim-witted, but they were still heroes at heart.
What the heck did I just read?
