such selfish prayers - noah sebastian x jolly karlsson
pairing: noah sebastian x jolly karlsson
cw: 18+ MDNI ⚠️ virgin!noah, lots and lots of kissing, angst, mutual masturbation, finger sucking, semi-public sex, praise kink, blowjobs, rimming, anal fingering, anal sex, jolly wins the best boyfriend award.
word count: 5.8k
author's notes: one of the wips that has taken me forever is in the bag! i have to admit, this one is a beloved, connected to all this and heaven too, and your heart is the only place i call home. title comes from bedroom hymns by florence + the machine, divider by @uzmacchiato
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It dawns on Noah randomly one day that he and Jolly are that couple. The kind that are always looking at each other, always touching in some way. Gentle public displays of affection that make their friends roll their eyes at them or tell them to get a room. The first time Jolly actually refers to Noah as his boyfriend, Noah has to pull the hood of his hoodie up over his face because he’s smiling and blushing so hard. It’s utterly ridiculous how hard he’s fallen for him, and it’s obvious that the feeling is mutual. Ever since Jolly kissed Noah in the parking lot that night, it had felt like everything inside of him had shifted to make room for him there. He fits better than anyone else ever has.
But Noah is also terrified, because eventually, they’re going to move on to the next step of their relationship. It'll go beyond heavy petting on the sofa late at night while everyone else is asleep upstairs. Jolly is the first guy—the first person— Noah’s ever been with, and while he’s been incredibly patient with him, Noah knows eventually that’s not going to be enough. Not that it won’t be enough for Jolly, but it won’t be enough for him. He’s happy to give him every first of his that he can, even if it scares him.
Exactly one person knows that Noah's never been with anyone before, and he doubts that Nick's going to spill his secret. It's not exactly common, or so he's heard, but he hadn't felt enough of a connection to someone to give them that, and he doesn't like the idea of hooking up for the sake of hooking up. Some were okay with it, some weren't. Noah learned to live with it.
Until Jolly.
Waking up in the same bed with Jolly every morning for the past few weeks has become normal to Noah, and honestly he sleeps better beside him. He's normally up before the sun these days, but he likes to just burrow beneath the blankets and stay as close as Jolly will let him. More often than not, he'll just wrap himself around Noah and keep right on sleeping.
Laying there in the cradle of Jolly's arms, Noah's mind starts wandering as its been doing more and more lately. He shifts around a little as if he's not quite comfortable yet, and when that doesn't get Jolly's attention, he does it again. Behind him, Jolly mumbles something unintelligible against Noah's shoulder, and then his hand clamps down on Noah's hip.
"Stop that."
Wriggling around until he can turn over, Noah faces him with a little bit of a bashful smile. "Sorry. I was getting bored waiting for you to wake up."
"I know what you were up to, Noah," Jolly says, and Noah's pretty sure he's blushing at behind caught. He reaches over and pushes Noah's hair back out of his face, hand cupping his cheek. "You don't need to…do that."
"But I want—"
"You don't," Jolly's voice is gentle when he says it, but Noah still feels the sting of rejection. Hiding it is impossible and Jolly sits up, shaking his head. "It doesn't need to be some quick morning fuck, not the first time. Not that I'd wanna be quick with you at all—"
Noah didn't even consider that Jolly already knew that Noah had never done this before, though how patient he was with him should have been a giveaway. He sits up, matching Jolly's posture, and leans in a little. Jolly doesn't move back, and he's glad for it.
"Maybe I want to do something for you," Noah says quietly.
He thinks that maybe Jolly is going to turn him down again, and a part of him would understand because he's not ready for full on sex but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to make Jolly feel good. There are plenty of things they could do. After a few intense moments of him just staring at Noah, Jolly finally sits up.
"Okay, here's what we're going to do," he says before he tugs off his shirt and throws it aside. In the next second, he's shuffling out of his sweatpants and Noah's eyes go impossibly wide as he tries not to look even though he's allowed. "Why don't you watch me? We can start there."
The eager nod Noah gives him makes Jolly smile and he flops back against the pillows, relaxed and uncaring that Noah's eyes are roaming all over him. His cock is half hard against his stomach and it twitches beneath Noah's gaze. He thinks about just reaching out and touching him, but instead gets another idea.
"Do you…do you want to watch me too?"
Jolly doesn't hesitate. "Whatever you're comfortable with. If you want me to, I won't say no."
Nodding more to himself than anything, Noah takes the incentive to take off his own clothes. He lays back down beside Jolly, his entire body feeling as if it's on fire. It's not self consciousness, it's that he's suddenly dizzy with the idea of doing this, of this starting point. It doesn't take him long to warm up to the idea of this fully. He swipes the palm of his hand over the head of his cock and whines, hips shifting restlessly. Beside him, Jolly lets out a soft sound and when Noah looks over, he sees that his eyes are on his face.
Once Noah's looked, he can't stop. It should have been awkward, keeping his gaze on Jolly while they touch themselves, but it's anything but. He glances down, watches the head of Jolly's cock disappear into his fist over and over. It's on the tip of Noah's tongue to tell him he's thought about this before; maybe not exactly this, but something very close. This is nothing like his imagination though, it's live and right in front of him and Noah fists his free hand in the sheets so he doesn't touch Jolly.
Jolly, on the other hand, moves closer and reaches up to press his fingers against Noah's bottom lip. It's almost instinct to swipe his tongue against them, pull the digits into his mouth greedily.
"You look so good like this," Jolly murmurs and Noah lets out a muffled sound, tongue sliding between the fingers before Jolly can press them in further. "Oh, I know exactly what you want, baby."
He's not looking at Noah's face when he says it, instead his eyes are fixated on Noah fingers moving over his cock and Noah whines a little when he realizes that Jolly's matching his strokes perfectly. Noah's hand moves faster and Jolly does the same, a shuddering groan falling out of his mouth as he presses his forehead into Noah's.
He pulls his fingers from Noah's mouth, uncaring of the saliva all over his face as he finally leans in to kiss him. His fingers still slick with Noah's spit reach down and join Noah's on his cock, making him tighten his grasp and there's no way that Noah can last any longer. He spills over his fingers and Jolly's, teeth sinking into Jolly's bottom lip.
The sound that Jolly makes a few moments later when he comes is something that Noah wants to hear again and again. Somehow, Noah manages to find his shirt where he'd tossed it earlier to clean them both up, and he leans back into the pillows with a smug little smile on his face.
For a while, the room is quiet except for their breathing, and they just lay there until the sun fully comes up before Jolly finally drags him out of bed and into the shower.
They're in some town on the east coast that Noah forgot the name of the minute he stepped off the stage. The venue isn't that big, but it's attached to a bar and they don't have to leave until early the next morning. The place is overheated and loud, and Noah pushes his way through the crowd to reach where Jolly's sitting at the bar. When he reaches him, he leans in close, pressing his chin to Jolly's shoulder so he'll be able to hear him over the music and the people.
"Hey, can I borrow you?" he asks, and Jolly tilts his head towards him.
"You okay?"
Noah nods, waving a hand around the side of his head, a silent universal sign for a headache. He feels bad lying, but it does the trick. Jolly slips off the bar stool and lets Noah pull him along until they reach the back hallway of the bar where it's quieter and a little cooler. There's a back exit and Noah leads him outside to the area that's meant for smokers. It's empty and quiet, which is exactly what Noah's going for.
"Okay, so," Noah backs Jolly up into a darker corner. "Maybe I don't have a headache but I couldn't exactly say it in there that I wanted to get you alone so I could blow you."
Maybe it's the post show adrenaline that makes him feel bold enough to say that, and given the look on Jolly's face he definitely wasn't expecting it. He's still taking it incredibly slow with Noah, and while he's really grateful for that, it's also driving Noah a little insane. He crowds Jolly up against the wall, hands dropping to his waist.
"And I know what you're gonna say, but we're not going to have very much time to ourselves for a week and this is honestly all I've been thinking about all night, even though the show—"
Jolly cuts him off, "How do you know what I'm going to say if you won't stop talking, baby?"
Noah's mouth snaps closed and he watches the way that Jolly's eyes drift from him to the door off to the side and then the other side of the parking lot. It's stupid and risky to do this out here, and they both know it. They could have gone back to the motel room, or to the van but Nick had left with his girlfriend and Folio had been talking with some pretty redhead at the bar so Noah was sure this was their only option tonight.
But then Jolly's nodding and Noah doesn't care if they get caught. He lowers his head and presses a kiss to Jolly's chest through his shirt. He leans up to kiss his temple and his cheek and whatever part of him he can get to until Jolly finally grasps him by the jaw and kisses his mouth.
"If you wanna stop, you just tell me, okay?" Jolly murmurs against Noah's mouth, and Noah nods. Pulling back a little, Jolly tucks his hair out of his face behind his ears. "Okay, get on your knees then."
Noah swallows and nods, but pulls the hair tie off of Jolly's wrist before he does. He tugs his hair back into a messy bun to keep it out of his face before he kneels down on the slightly damp blacktop. He tugs at the button and zipper on Jolly's jeans, getting them undone and pulls them along with his boxers down his thighs. Jolly isn't fully hard yet, but Noah thinks that might be easier to work with the first time he tries this.
Noah leans in and carefully takes him into his mouth. He could feel the tension in Jolly as he tried to keep his hips still while Noah bobbed his head slowly, experimenting. He feels one of Jolly's hands cup the back of his head, just to rest there and not to push him. Noah ignores any uncertainty he feels as Jolly's cock grows harder against his tongue. He ducks down a little too far and has to pull back sharply to get a breath, coughing weakly.
"Use your hand," Jolly suggests gently, and Noah hums in response while he reaches up to wrap a hand around the base of Jolly's cock. He sucks Jolly deeper into his mouth, moving more slowly this time, and he hears a sigh above him. "You're doing so good."
Noah glances up at him as best he can, and he's unsurprised to find Jolly totally focused on him. Pulling back to take another breath, Noah starts to get a little more confident, pressing himself down as far as he could before his eyes started to water. Jolly's fingers dig into his hair a little tighter, and Noah lets out a broken moan around his cock, shoving his hand down the front of his shorts to get a hand on himself. He's not careful or gentle about it, certain that he's going to make Jolly come before he comes himself.
Jolly brings his other hand up to curve around Noah's cheek and Noah tries to get closer. "You're doing so well, you're so good. Like that, Noah. Please."
His voice cracks on the plea and he knocks his head back against the wall as Noah swallows around the head of Jolly's cock, and Jolly tries to pull Noah off as a warning but Noah won't let go. He digs his fingers into Jolly's hips, shoving him back against the wall as he feels Jolly's orgasm shudder through him.
Noah finally lets Jolly's cock slip from his mouth, and he presses his face against his hip as he brings himself off as quickly as he can. Jolly's fingers are still curled into his hair and Noah gasps for air, squeezing his eyes shut and muffling a shaky groan as he comes.
It takes him a minute to realize that Jolly's trying to pull him up to his feet, and his knees crack when he's able to get up. He helps Jolly fix his clothes right as the door leading to the patio bangs open, and Matt leans out.
"I don't even wanna know," he says, avoiding the way that Noah brings up his shirt to wipe off his face on the inside of it, and Jolly's laughing. "Let's go, or we're leaving without you and you can walk back to the motel."
"We'll be out front in a minute," Jolly assures him, and Matt narrows his eyes and points at them both before turning and going back inside.
As soon as they were alone again, Noah leans in and kisses Jolly, smiling against his mouth when Jolly tugs the tie out of Noah's hair gently. They waste more than a few minutes, trading kisses in the dark until they had to leave.
And then suddenly, Noah can't get out of his head. He keeps wanting to ask for more, but he also can't help but think that there is something wrong with him because he has no fucking clue what he's doing. And it doesn't help that there's the stress that come with touring and recording now and never having five minutes alone anymore. If Jolly notices, he doesn't push it, and that makes Noah feel all the more guilty because he doesn't think he's being fair to him.
It's a few steps forward and a few steps back, and he hates it.
Somehow, they've got the house to themselves for a while. Everyone is out, and so Jolly makes the two of them dinner. Noah helps, but he mostly enjoys watching Jolly cook. It's the lightest he's felt in a little while, and he tries to hold onto that feeling through the night. He picks out a movie for the two of them to watch after, and sits close to him like he always would.
It's easy to just turn his head and kiss Jolly halfway through the movie. Easier to let Jolly pull Noah into his lap, where Noah drapes his arms over Jolly's shoulders. Jolly slides his hands beneath Noah's shirt after a few minutes of kissing and Noah pulls back, breathless. He can feel that lightness disappearing, and he tries to chase it back down, hold onto it a little longer. Tugging off his shirt and throwing it aside, he leans into to kiss Jolly again.
Noah doesn't mean to go tense when Jolly's hands move from his waist to skim up his back, but the little flinch that comes over him isn't minor enough for Jolly not to notice. He pulls away from the kiss with a frown.
"Is this okay? I thought—do you want to stop?"
No, Noah doesn't want to stop. His body doesn't want to stop, but his brain isn't exactly as on board with the idea as he'd hoped. He thought if he just went with it, he would eventually relax.
"It's okay, you didn't do anything wrong." he says, and even he can tell that while Jolly didn't actually do something wrong, it sounds like something is wrong with Noah. And it is.
Putting his hands lightly on Noah's legs as if he's afraid he's going to hurt him by touching him, Jolly sighs. "Hey, this doesn't have to be anything, we don't have to rush—"
"You should still get what you want out of this, Jolly."
It sounds like the wrong thing to say, and Noah sees the flash of hurt across Jolly's face before he's sitting up a little. He keeps Noah on his lap, keeps him close. Noah knows that Jolly would never do anything he didn't want him to do, would never push him past his limits. Noah just wished those limits didn't exist because he wants this to be more. He wants everything.
Jolly's hands come up to cup Noah's cheeks, so gently it makes him want to cry. He's expecting to be let down easily. "What I want is just to kiss you, okay? But it has to be what you want too. If you just want to finish the movie, or even just go to sleep then that's what we'll do. I'm not expecting anything from you, Noah, that isn't how this works."
Noah briefly thinks about getting up, but he doesn't want to. Jolly said it had to be something Noah wanted too, and he does want to kiss Jolly. Right now, that's enough. So instead he nods slowly, leaning in to press his forehead against Jolly's, breathing in slowly and letting the tension leave his body.
Jolly waits, letting Noah be the one to move first. Finally he nudges his nose against Jolly's before kissing him. He presses in closer, but other than that nothing else happens. Jolly returns the kiss in a slow, careful way that makes Noah feel like he's floating. They keep kissing, only stopping occasionally for air or just to stare at each other before diving right back in. It's easy like this too, Jolly's hands slowly trailing up and down his back with no real intention, Noah's hands curling into Jolly's hair just to have something to do. He's barely noticed that he isn't hard, that he isn't feeling anything but contentment doing nothing but kissing.
Eventually, it's just Jolly holding him, pressing kisses to his forehead and his cheeks, the edge of his jaw. The movie credits are rolling and Noah tucks his head beneath Jolly's chin, not ready to move just yet.
It's late when they get home, Matt kept them back at the studio to clean up a song and now all Noah wants is a hot shower and Jolly's bed. The house is dark, and they make their way upstairs as quietly as they can. He pulls Jolly through his bedroom into the bathroom with him because it just makes sense for them to share.
He steps over to the shower stall and turns on the water to a temperature they can both stand, before starting to take off his clothes. The room fills with steam and he turns to watch as Jolly strips off his clothes and leave them in a pile on the floor to be dealt with later. His eyes roam over him greedily as Jolly watches him back in return and heat curls through Noah's belly.
Stepping under the hot water feels good, and Noah lets his head fall forward beneath the spray for a few minutes before he switches places with Jolly. They take turns washing up, and Noah can't help but touch Jolly after, hand skating up his back to his shoulders.
Jolly inhales sharply as Noah presses his face into his neck and reaches around to wrap his fingers around his cock. He's hard, and Noah gently nips his throat with his teeth as he works his hand along his length. Jolly braces an arm against the shower wall for a minute, a stream of curses escaping him before he reaches down to grab onto Noah's wrist, stopping him.
"But I want—"
"I know you do, but not here. Let me take you to bed."
And Noah can't really argue with that. Before he can agree, Jolly's turning around and pressing Noah up against the shower wall, hand on either side of his head as he kisses him desperately. Noah whines against his mouth, grabbing onto damp skin to try and keep himself upright. He starts to feel lightheaded from the steam and from Jolly's mouth, and he somehow manages to pull himself away, slapping a hand against the knobs until he can turn the water off.
Jolly makes him take the time to actually dry off before pulling him towards the bedroom, and Noah lets himself fall onto the bed, tugging on Jolly's arms until he gives in and crawls over him. He leans up and kisses him, not rushing. Jolly's weight settles onto him and Noah rocks up against him. It doesn't go beyond that for a while, but Noah feels like his skin is on fire.
Finally, Jolly pulls away, as breathless as Noah is. "Turn over for me on your stomach."
"I want—"
Jolly doesn't ask him if he's sure or tell him that this isn't actually what he wants, "I know what you want baby, but I've got to get you ready."
Pulling in a deep breath, Noah nods. Jolly moves back to give him space and Noah rolls over, grabbing onto a pillow and pulling it against his chest. He feels Jolly move behind him, the tickle of his hair over Noah's skin a few moments before he starts kissing Noah's shoulder. He trails his mouth down and Noah's breathing grows heavier as he feels Jolly's tongue tracing around the lines of the tattoo on his back. He keeps moving downward until he reaches Noah's lower back, and then lower still.
When he leans in sinks his teeth into one of Noah's ass cheeks, Noah's whole body jerks and he yelps in surprise. "Fucking Christ, Joakim!"
Jolly runs his tongue over the bite, and laughs a little. "Sorry, couldn't be helped."
Noah presses his face into the pillow he's holding, stifling his own laughter. The laughter fades quickly though as Jolly runs his hands up and down Noah's thighs soothingly, before he leans back a little.
"Tell me if you don't like it, okay?"
"Okay," Noah promises.
He shifts around restlessly, and Jolly's obviously waiting until he feels like he's comfortable. Once he's still, he puts his hands on Noah's ass again, this time spreading him open. He can feel Jolly's breathing ghosting over his skin and he thinks the hesitation is him waiting to see if Noah's going to object. But Noah doesn't.
The first drag of Jolly's tongue over his hole is slow and tentative, and Noah presses his mouth against the pillow again so he doesn't wake up the entire house with the sound he makes. At first, the only reaction he could give was going a little tense but with each swipe of Jolly's tongue, he relaxes and lets out a long breath.
"Is it good?" Jolly asks, barely moving away.
Noah nods rapidly, "Yeah, yeah Joll it's good. Keep going, please."
So Jolly does, tongue pressing firmly against Noah's rim. Noah moans softly, hips twitching back against Jolly's face. He feels Jolly's fingers dig into his skin a little harder, trying to keep him still, but Noah can't help it. Every stroke of his tongue makes him shake and after what feels like both a few minutes and a few hours, Jolly pulls back to sit up a little.
"You wanna reach up in that drawer and grab the lube and a condom?" he asks. He doesn't move from where he's laying beside Noah, and he leans down to press a kiss to Noah's lower back.
Noah manages to stretch an arm up to get into the drawer, finding the bottle and the condom. He tosses the lube back to Jolly, but stares at the packet in his hand. "Do we really need this if I've never done this before?"
"If that's what you want, Noah." Jolly murmurs, and Noah drops the condom back in the drawer and then resumes his previous position. "Are you still okay?"
"Yeah Jolly, I'm good."
He loves that he keeps checking in with him, it just puts him more at ease. Looking back over his shoulder, he watches as Jolly opens the lube and pours some on his fingers. Without waiting for Jolly to do so, Noah spreads his legs a little more. He ignores the way his cock is hard and leaking against the sheets where he's pressed against the mattress.
Jolly's clean hand taps against his outer thigh gently, "Lift up on your knees for me, baby."
Noah complies, shuffling up and staying on his elbows. His face flushes hot at the position it puts him in, but then Jolly's settling at his side and sliding a finger into him. He moved it so slowly that Noah lets out a helpless noise, fighting the urge to move—away from the touch or back into it, he isn't sure yet. He relaxes as much as he can, eyes fluttering when Jolly bring his other hand up to his face and brushes his thumb over Noah's bottom lip.
"Go on, you can," Jolly says and Noah whines quietly as he opens his mouth enough for Jolly to push his thumb past his lips. "There you go, good boy."
Noah digs his fingers into the pillow he's still holding onto for dear life. As Jolly pushes more fingers inside of him, he adds more fingers into Noah's mouth and Noah's trying to figure out exactly how obvious he was about this oral fixation of his that Jolly's able to read him so easily.
"You're doing so good, Noah. Do you feel good?"
"Yeah," he manages around Jolly's fingers.
Jolly leans back to add more lube, twisting three fingers inside of Noah and finding that spot inside of him that's just right. Noah lets out a loud moan, teeth clamping down on Jolly's fingers in his mouth as if that's going to help him at all. Finally he manages to spit out the digits, only to gasp and writhe back onto Jolly's fingers inside of him.
"Wait wait wait!" he chokes out and Jolly stops immediately. Noah pants for air, reaching up to shove his hair out of his face. "I don't wanna come like this."
"You won't be," Jolly assures him, slowly pulling his fingers out and reaching for the bottom of lube one more time. Noah's eyes are glued to his hand as he slicks his cock. "How do you want to be?"
"I—can I stay like this?"
"However you want."
Jolly crowds up behind him and leans over to kiss across his shoulders, pushing his hair to one side so he could get to his neck. His cock slides teasingly against his ass as he rocks his hips forward and Noah groans, turning his head so that his cheek is pressed against the pillow he's holding. Jolly stops moving, kissing Noah's cheek before he straightens up.
"Are you ready?" he asks. His fingers stroke over Noah's hip soothingly, and Noah nods his head. "Okay."
Bracing a hand on Noah's back, Jolly uses his other hand to guide himself inside. He goes slowly, and Noah lets out a soft sound as he moves as carefully as he can. When Jolly stops halfway, he can't help but tense up, just a little. Trying to calm his erratic breathing, he takes a few breaths while Jolly waits patiently. Once he's fully relaxed, Jolly slides the rest of the way inside him. Noah feels overwhelmed. He feels full. He shudders under him, and doesn't ever want this feeling to go away.
"Okay?" Jolly asks again because he can. He smooths his hands over Noah's back before bringing them down to curl over Noah's hips. "I need words this time, baby."
"Yeah, Jesus fucking Christ just give me a minute, please?"
Flush against him, Jolly doesn't move. He keeps petting his fingers over Noah's skin while Noah breathes through his nose and adjusts to this feeling.
"Okay, okay I'm ready," he finally says.
Jolly drapes himself over Noah's back. He kisses the nape of Noah's neck, the curve of his ear, the edges of the ink on his throat. Noah feels the quick nip of teeth and shivers.
"Move, Jolly, please."
Jolly's height matches Noah's enough that he can stay like this over him, and he uncurls one of Noah's hands from the pillow to tangle their fingers together as he pulls back and rocks his hips forward. Noah moans, long and loud as Jolly finds a rhythm that isn't too slow but isn't too fast. He doesn't even try to move beneath him, just letting Jolly have him like this.
"I love you," he blurts out, and Jolly laughs softly against his ear.
"You're not supposed to say that while you're fucking, it doesn't count," he murmurs. He adjusts his angle, fucking into Noah deeply, and Noah shoves his face into the pillow to muffle the wail that crawls out of his throat. "But I love you too, baby."
Noah shifts around to get his free hand between himself and the mattress, stroking his cock in time with Jolly's thrusts. He couldn't think about anything but coming now, and he clenches down around Jolly's cock just to hear him growl and curse in his ear as his hips snap forward sharply. Noah wants to tell him that he doesn't have to be careful with him but he doesn't have much of a thought left in his head. Jolly's fingers squeeze around Noah's and Noah turns his head and kisses Jolly over his shoulder.
"C'mon baby," Jolly murmurs against his mouth, nose nuzzling against Noah's cheek. "Come for me."
The noise that Noah lets out is something he's sure everyone could hear but he doesn't care. He comes over his hand and the sheets, gasping at how good it felt. Jolly keeps fucking him right through his orgasm, until he started losing his rhythm.
"Can I come inside you?" he asks quickly, and Noah lets out a disbelieving laugh, nodding jerkily.
Noah feels the quick sting of teeth as Jolly's teeth scrape over his shoulder when he comes, and Noah's heart is hammering in his chest. Jolly's breathing heavily above him, peppering kisses against the nape of his neck and any skin he can reach.
"Are you okay?" he asks. Noah nods, breathless still. "Okay, just stay there for me?"
Noah relaxes deeper into the mattress, uncaring that he's laying in the wet spot, as Jolly pulls out carefully. Flopping down on his stomach, Noah presses his face into the pillow for a few minutes until Jolly moves to lay down beside him. He runs his hand over Noah's back, and Noah turns his head to look at him. His vision is a little blurry and he thinks Jolly is frowning but he doesn't get why. It takes him a second to realize he's crying.
"Come here," Jolly says quietly, pulling until Noah's curled up on his chest. He kisses Noah's temple, holding him tight. "I'm really hoping these aren't bad tears."
"They're not, I promise," Noah chokes out. "I'm just—I'm glad it was you, Joll."
When Jolly breathes in above him, Noah looks up to see that his eyes are a little watery too. "Me too, baby." he says.
Noah wraps his arm over Jolly's chest, thumb moving back and forth over the ink there."This is probably a very stupid question, but was it...good? For you—"
"God Noah, you can't just ask that and expect me to be able to put exactly how good it was into words," he laughs a little, and Noah blushes. "For the record, it was. Thank you, for trusting me with this."
Noah presses himself up so that he can kiss the corner of his mouth. "Thanks for taking care of me. I didn't really expect anything less."
"Always,"Jolly turns his head and kisses Noah gently, fingers stroking up and down his spine. "We should clean up."
They make quick work of it, and when they fall back into bed, Jolly wraps himself around Noah and keeps him close. He kisses him again, hands still tracing over his skin and sending heat crawling up his spine at the touch.
"Do you think we could go again?" Noah mumbles, hand sliding over Jolly's hip.
Jolly groans and presses his face into Noah's neck. "Tempting as that may be, we should sleep."
"Hm," Noah nods, pulling the blankets up over them more. "Does that mean you'll finally give me that quick morning fuck you said I didn't want before?"
Jolly's shoulders shake with laughter instead of answering him, and Noah's never really loved him more.
Any hopes that Noah might have had that no one heard them in the middle of the night—or the early hours this morning—kind of go out the window with the way that Nick keeps looking at him when he finally emerges from Jolly's bedroom.
"What? Quit looking at me like that," Noah says without turning around to see if Nick is even still looking.
"Just trying to see if you look different is all," Nick teases, and Noah feels the tips of his ears burning. "I'd say so. I'd even say you're glowing a little."
"Shut up," Noah mutters, pelting him with a bagel. It bounces off of Nick's chest onto the floor and Nick has to grab it before Harper can steal it. "That's for pregnant women, you absolute dick."
"Hey, speaking of dick—"
"Shut up!" Noah laughs, turning away again so that Nick can't see how red his face has gotten.
"You're happy though, right?"
The question throws Noah and yet he can't help but smile. Jolly comes downstairs a few minutes later and steals half the bagel off of Noah's plate before kissing the top of his head. He takes Harper outside, and Noah can't stop watching him.
"Yeah Nicky, I'm happy."
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