i want to remember how loved i am. i want to keep seeing myself through the windows of other people’s eyes, the ones who swaddle me in their affection. show me what i look like with laughter rupturing from my body, what i look like when i've gotten lost in thought for the seventeenth time, what i look like when i stop you on our walk yet again so i can take another picture of a stray sunbeam caught between the trees. i hope i don't sound conceited, talking about myself like this, but rather i hope you hear how much i love being loved by you. what i mean is that i look fuller and brighter when i catch a glimpse of myself through your eyes. maybe i don't really know myself at all. maybe my truest self is not the stickly shadow stretched across my wall when i'm unable to sleep, but rather who you see when you swing open the door: a girl curled up on your couch, wedged between two friends, blocky jumper the color of a sunset & hair still tinged with golden hour, eyes bright as pebbles double-skipped from shore. what i mean is that i love you. what i mean is that you love me so well. what i mean is that love may be the cleanest, brightest mirror of all.
