#01292015

[alicein2015]

January 29, 2015

A packed day at work. I was supposed to go to hookah with Maleeha, but she flaked on me! Hung out with Jan at Zaaki's instead. Had anxiety again today because my boy went out to lunch with a girl I'm uncomfortable about him being friends with, considering that she has feelings for him... I'm wondering if I'm being an idiot again, being with him and granting trust and benefits of the doubt... Afterwards, picked up Mason--we ended up making ranch cheese-crusted chicken thing that we saw on the back of his Hidden Valley ranch bottle that he keeps at my place because he's totally gay for ranch.

[mooonbaby]

Oh no sad all over again but I'm sure it's because I'm scum. Pure scum. But I feel it. I feel so sad. I can physically feel it. It literally feels like someone is taking a string from the middle of me and pulling it inward. I feel like I can't emotionally invest in anyone. Romantically at least. I feel guilty. Yet the person I do like treats me like a doll to practice with. The person who loves me I can't feel for. If I like anyone outside of that I feel guilty. Guilty because no one deserves to have to deal with the shit I'm in. Man I'm so messed up. I need to be alone but I can't bear it. Especially when these guys are so willing. I'm an ass. 

I also feel like a part of nothing. Transient. I'm wasting everyone's time. I wonder when it will stop. I bet I'm not alone but that doesn't give me any comfort for some reason.

[adc94-blog]

1/29/2015

school, taco bell, bae, work, more bae