#05042015

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Darren Criss | SiriusXM Studios | May 4, 2015 | 📷 Maro Hagopian

[dailydiarydear-blog]

Day 21: Confused

Yesterday was my day off. Cheated on my diet and ate fish and chips with Charlene. And then, confusion ensued ... I called Eric because I wanted to pick up my stuff. After back and forth texting, we agreed for 6pm. And then he asked me to have dinner with him. My anxiety going to his place was through the roof. Here's this guy who I thought liked me, but ended up saying he didn't want a relationship. Later to find out he deleted me off snapchat too... But he wanted me to have dinner with him? I of course said yes (and wore a very low cut top that showed off the girls), but I was running the scenario over and over in my head. Mainly, if I was going to sleep with him or not. He didn't deserve me, after all. He just said he didn't see a future with me. Once I got there, awkwardness ensued. I sat on the opposite end of the couch. He told me to come closer, I literally asked "should I?" We talked about it. Which is where I got more confused. He apologized for making me upset with what he said. He says it has nothing to do with me, but he needs the time to work on himself because he's always in a relationship. I told him I took it the opposite way, that he caught me off guard, and I put the blame on myself. I asked him, how can he say that to me, and then ask me to dinner. "I missed you." He'd try to kiss me, I'd be so hesitant. He could tell so he stopped. But he tried again, and I couldn't stop myself, until I did and asked A -"What do you want from me Eric?" E - "What do you want from me?" A - "I don't know. " E - "I don't know." We both didn't have the guts to say what we were thinking. We went for dinner. He paid. Maybe it was the bong hit I took, and the 2 beers I drank, but I ended up on his lap making out. Still some hesitance in my mind. "I shouldn't be doing this" I kept thinking. We had sex. Over and over again. Only, he has trouble finishing. He says it's not me, but it's slightly disappointing when he keeps going soft. But we had sex. Then he drops another bomb. "I told my parents about you." What the actual fuck? First he says no relationship, then he misses me, then his parents know about me? "My parents say you're a keeper." I must've looked like I saw a ghost because I literally had no idea what to say. More beer. We went out to get ice cream. He ended up licking it off my nipples. More sex. "Forget everything I said before, okay?" But I remind him that he said it for a reason, so as much as it hurts, there's truth in it. "No just forget it. I don't want to make you upset." And then we slept, cuddling with each other. Our bodies touching, skin to skin. That's when I feel comfortable. We wake up at 3am, have sex, then I drop Eric off at work for 4am So now is the waiting game. Will he call me again or was everything he said to me last night just a bullshit story to get laid. I hope that doesn't happen.