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Too Late - June 29, 2016

Breaking my arm was a complete wake-up call that I never knew I needed. After laying on my couch for over a month and a half feeling as if I was unable to move made me truly appreciate life again, as well as the people around me. I’m not sure if I actually did, but I personally think my body detoxed. I wasn’t drinking every weekend, I wasn’t smoking every night; I was in pain, but my body was healing. After my friends and I got into ridiculous petty arguments and stopped talking, I decided that Albany was no longer where I needed or wanted to be. I never belonged at a party school, I was never ‘that type’ of girl. Being home for an extended period of time while life went on at the university, helped me decide that home is where I am meant to be (at least for a little while). I made the rash decision of applying to Stony Brook, even though my grades did not fulfill their expectations. I was nervous, anxious and excited about my decision and I could not wait to hear back from the school. It took less than a month for me to receive my acceptance letter and there was not a single doubt in my mind that Stony Brook was where I’d be spending my senior year. After my mom paid my tuition and orientation deposits I was good to go. Aside from sending in the necessary paperwork, I was Stony Brook’s newest Seawolf. I started to tell some of my friends, but I wanted to keep it under wraps for a while. Once I told a few of my Albany friends I got mixed responses and was starting to doubt my decision. “It’s your senior year, you really want to start over?” “Are you sure you want to do this, NOW?!” After hearing all of their concerns I began to have concerns of my own. Maybe I was making a mistake. I wished there was a way to know which decision is the right decision before having to decide. I had a foundation at Albany, my college roots were planted there. I was so close to the finish line and was so worried that transferring was now one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made. Although I don’t have many friends at home, the only good friends I had at school were no longer my friends, so what do I have to lose? I’m working on losing weight and I’m already down 15 pounds. Maintaining my weight loss at school would’ve been extremely difficult and I feel like I can focus more on myself while I’m home. I’m really hoping to get a job within the next few weeks and would like to work more while still going to school, opposed to the crappy job I had up in Albany. Overall, I’ve convinced myself I’d be happier at Stony Brook. Today my mom, brother, Pa and I took a tour of Stony Brook and I am so glad and relieved that we did. The campus is beautiful and, as ridiculous as this sounds, I felt smarter just being there. Throughout the tour all I could think about was how I feel like I wasted my first three years of school. Sure, joining a sorority was great and I’ve made memories that will last a lifetime, but it’s never the path I intended to take. I guess that’s what’s crazy about this entire thing. Although I disliked Albany, I never had the guts to transfer - I was too comfortable there. I never intended to transfer. I never intend for anything to happen, really. I guess that’s when the most amazing things and opportunities fall into your lap. Today I feel great about my decision to attend Stony Brook in the fall and I am so excited to see what my future holds. I know that life is what you make of it and I am going to keep working towards each and every one of my goals.

#06.29.2016