#07052017

[khiphopladies-blog]

07052017 x_xellybabyx 막바응 시원섭섭

[fuckyeahchoiyoungjae]

[sincerelyegg]

Day 917: where did you go that our voices can’t reach, that we can’t bring you home?

[daltonrapattonidaily]

daltonrapattoni: Dang boi @walid.azami is a class A picture taker

[dubmill]

Epping Upland, Essex; 7.5.2017

[edlabuchorva]

I had an argument with him yesterday. He was frustrated why, most of the time, I don't communicate with him efficiently. We usually talk while strolling, sitting, eating or just doing our thing then, everything would stop in an instant with just silence consoling us two. I don't know why we seem "awkward" though we are in our nth-year relationship. It always ends to silence, always in the dead end.

So he confronted me with why's in his mind. "Why are you this way? Why, if we don't have any topics to talk about, do you just stare back at me and do/speak nothing? Don't answer me with your 'I don't know what to say' statement, I'm fed of it. I know you have some things you want to talk about." And that hit me. I bursted into tears simply because he was harsh and I was hurt. Honestly, I don't know what to respond or feel. No. I was confused with my emotions so I just cried. I just wanted to walk a way at that time and cry where he won't see me but he didn't let me. It also made me think that I am social anxious though I'm not sure if I am. He wooed me though he was depressed. I had this thought maybe he found me boring so our relationship tonight is going to end but it didn't anyway. He was sad because I wasn't an open book to him unlike his ex who chats all the way (Darn that ex, I think she's great than I am especially with people).

With all his why's and wooing, my answer was "I'm having a hard time catching up", though I haven't given much thought what I meant to that. But here's some of my theories:

Maybe it's a first to me that someone actually care (especially on a woman-man relationship level) since my ex-boyfriends were douchebags who only cared for themselves. When I was in a relationship with them, I did opened up but always got flushed away so I kept all I wanted to say to myself or put it into my diary so I could lessen burdens in my heart. Never would I have thought that it would affect my present.

Second is I am an introvert. I realized I am when I entered college since I was friendly back in high school and openly chatted about my life back then. Frankly, I found it hard being friends with my blockmates in engineering though I had them for a year (or two semesters). I couldn't detect what's the problem until fate made me shift to another program. As I grew to the BSAM program, I realized that you can't just openly tell your whole story to everyone since your words might be of use as a weapon to destroy you. Maybe that's the reason why I didn't talk much during my engineering days. That, until now, is what I believe which makes me unconciously distant to people.

After all I have experienced, I'm wishing I could go back to the old chatterbox me since I know establishing active relationships is fun. I am willing to expose myself with communicating others since communication is necessary everywhere. I'm also thinking of seeking/hiring a speech mentor (kahit no money, jeez) just to improve my communication skill. I really just want to get out of my comfort zone.

[yemreyi]

Çok şey söylemek istiyorum… Mesela, Yangını çıkardıktan sonra küllere bakıp üzülmek boşa demek istiyorum, Öldürdükten sonra görmek istemek boşa demek istiyorum. Sonra duruyorum Ve bakıyorum da Kelimelerim de boşa! #cahitzarifoğlu #07052017 #mayıs #pazar #şiir #kahve #kitap #edebiyat #kafkaokur #şiirsokakta #şiirstarbucksta #şiirbardakta #şiirvapurda #şiirbeşiktaşta #şiirüsküdarda #şiirboğazda #şiirdenizde #şiirheryerde #starbucks #coffee #starbuckscoffee #beşiktaş #istanbul #iyiakşamlar 👋 (Besiktas - Uskudar Motoru)

[fuckyeahchoiyoungjae]

[07052017] Uncle Youngjae’s IG Update 

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

trans by haetbitmark