Day 133 *Sigh* After my training course yesterday, I called Eric. Our conversation was ... it's like we were walking on egg shells with each other. He was trying not to make me upset, I was trying not to be a bitch. After a few more conversations on the phone throughout the evening (including a 3way with his Dad), I found myself headed to his place. It took him almost 2 ours to finally kiss me. When I got there, we had some beers. Ended up creeping Facebook. He showed me all his friends, and showed me his exes. Including the notorious Katie & tampon girl. He showed me old photos of him. We were supposed to watch a horror movie, but got side tracked. We tried to have sex. He couldn't cum again. We were cuddling, and he started talking about being friends. How he thinks about it. But then how he cares for me and likes being with me. I was silent. After some prying on his end, I started talking about what's been going on in my head. My stress with work and my friends. I told him I feel alone. I started tearing during this. But it's when he tried to ask me more about what's bothering me, that I just lost it. I thought about me being sick. I couldn't stop crying. He was laying there, asking me what was wrong. I ended up telling him, "I may be sick ... I may have cancer." Those words replaying in my head over and over. He started crying. He said he was worried for me. He said I didn't deserve to go through that, especially not alone. I could not stop crying. He hugged me. And kissed me. Told me "it'll be alright babe." Comfort. I felt comfortable in his arms. What I told him was so heavy. I wouldn't know what to say if someone told me that. But I trust Eric. I wanted him to know. Not out of guilt. Not to make him stay with me longer. But because I know he cares. And in that moment, I felt so vulnerable. He opened up a side of me that literally no body knows. I was weak. The girl who is so well composed, broke down. I've never felt him hold me that tight before. We slept together. Cuddling. Our bodies intertwined. We woke up and tried to have sex again. We went on for a good half hour at least. He still couldn't cum. I know it's me. He says its not, but I know it is. I'm not dominant in bed, which is what he's used to. I hate it. I can't make him cum. I can't make him feel good. ------- We had breakfast at McDonald's then sat by the lake. View of the CN Tower in sight. "This is kind of romantic, isn't it?" He said. ------- Eric holds a special place in my heart. I don't know if we're meant to be together. Good sex is a big part of any relationship, and we're not having it. But I can't help that I feel so comfortable around him. I can't help that his presence just gives me energy. Maybe it's because I feel alone. So I'm holding on to him. I don't know. He may meet me at Camille's tonight. I hope he does, but won't be upset if he doesn't. I know it's not his scene.
