<p>I never thought I can feel like this. I miss him so badly that it hurts. Even seeing him for <br> 2 seconds yesterday hurt. Idk how to describe this feeling. Yearning. I yearn for him right now. Love is such a weird feeling and concept to grasp. How will I know? I guess I do know because this is such an intense feeling. Nothing can top this feeling. So strange. So scary. So exciting.
yeah whoops i accidentally forgot to write for a whole week, but YO i might be starting at the varsity game on monday??? i’m v scared
1.11.2015
i literally did nothing on sunday tho. i feel like there was one thing that happened, but i can’t remember. i discovered a new french singer, stromae, though, and it was pretty amazing because i absolutely LOVE his lyrics cause they have such a deep underlying meaning to them, and i’ll go more into this later
2.11.2015
i can’t remember doing anything til 4... but mom picked me up to drive me to metrotown so i could buy new insoles and she could run errands. i couldn’t find my insoles cause they were out of stock, but i ended up buying bubble tea at t&t instead. it took me so long cause at first i got lost, and then i couldn’t find the original bubble tea in the store. i ended up finding 1 original bubble tea in the very back lol.
i then met back with mom to go back. she insisted on going to atmosphere to buy my insoles before she left for taiwan, but i didn’t want to be late for the vb session with jeff, so i just told her we’d go on tuesday
then came the session. i was actually really confused because he told me he’d email be on saturday night about it, but i never got it, so i asked rachel and she knew nothing about it. then she told me she asked him that day and he said i had a session, so i was less confused, but then i was like man who’s gonna be there? turns out it was just a thing with me and some grade 8s.
i was confused and felt weird at first, because like im a grade 10 playing with grade 8s, but then i realized that it’s probably just because i’m the only person that he sees committed enough to get more practice that isn’t on the varsity team. so i understood, and i was like idk man it’s extra practice anyways. i also got to know more grade 8s, which was pretty great cause i want to be that person that everyone knows and thinks is super nice. i know who natalie king and olivia neill are now so i’m excited to get to know all the other grade 8s a lot better through this.
jeff asked me at one point if i minded playing with the grade 8s. i said i was ok with it, i think....... anyways, he talked to me about the money for this, just because he needed to rent the gym since it’s out of school times. he went
jeff: it’ll be 120. you can give it to rac – oh, when will i be seeing you next? tomorrow?
me: no, wednesday
jeff: i have the team tomorrow. do you want to come?
me: oh! uhh yeah sure!
and i was v surprised that he invited me to his practice. but apparently it’s because lucy rolled her ankle, so currently they had simone with a messed up back, steph with a bad rolled ankle, and lucy with a rolled ankle too. so yepp....
jeff worked on a bunch of passing things, which is pretty good because i need to work on my passing, and a lot on my quick hits. i fell on my ass at one point because i was back pedaling and you’re not supposed to do that lol
at the end of the whole thing, it was kinda awkward because mom texted me telling her she’d be 15 more minutes, and jeff didn’t want to leave me alone at the gym, so he waited for me. i told him it was okay and that he didn’t have to wait for me, but he was like no but i should. sooo... that was awkward, because i made him wait for me just a few days before too while i watched his game
3.11.2015
vb practice
uhh i can’t really remember what happened this practice tbh
science x2
uhhhhhhh...... i think i got my test back today? i got 2 marks off just because one of them was a quick-to-judge answer, and another was the one i was confused about. i was originally going to have another half mark off because i was unclear in one of my long answers, but i asked jt about it because it didn’t tell me what i did wrong, it just said “1.5″ so i was confused, then he was just like “uhhh.... i mean i guess you can have 2... change it to a 2.” so i think i now have 94%
we then watched a video about climate change, because he introduced chapter 11, which is a chapter that we’ll continue studying throughout the whole year. so i was really bored and just started drawing on my hand while listening.
spanish
um i can’t really remember, but i'm pretty sure i spent this whole class wanting to just sleep. apparently peltier walked into the class at one point while i was answering a question too, and i did not even notice him, even when he was doing jazz hands behind senora lol oops
english
we had a discussion about the last of the metrozoids. he got us into groups of 3 and got us to talk about different writing techniques to make the personal narrative interesting. he gave us half an hour to do that, while we spent like 5 minutes actually talking about it.
(LOL i just remembered he wanted us to read 50 pages of a specific book for tuesday and i forgot it at school. i have too many things on monday to be able to read it for tuesday so i’m fucked!!!!!)
lunch
i was waiting for soup with peggy and i was like DUDE! i remembered going to like stromae on facebook and seeing that she liked him too, so i talked to her about it. we fangirled about it about, and then she told me mr dessibourg would put it up in class last year when they were doing music studies. and coincidentally mr dessibourg was right behind her, so i was like OMG MR DESSIBOURG!!! and we fangirled.
i walked around the halls and waited for class to start basically. the whole time i was pacing around the halls, i had stromae stuck in my head. while i was waiting outside the french room, i overheard some strings stuff going on from a computer in the film room, and i recognized it as tous les memes from stromae, and i was like WTF! i walk in and see mr mac, queenie, and julian watching the music video, and lo and behold we start fangirling again. i just thought it was such a coincidence because i was literally just talking about him, and i only just recently found him out during the weekend. it was crazy. i fangirled about it with queenie and julian and it was pretty amazing
french
we just did a bunch of listening and reading activities. it was pretty rough tbh
wp
we did more stuff on socials and started on essay prep. which reminds me. i need to get onto essay prep that’s due on tuesday. sigh.
ms logher was telling everyone about how the essay was monday, but people wanted it pushed back, so she was like alright, tuesday? and people were like NOOOO wednesday. and she’s like ok! and at first i was like “wait, wednesday? no but–” “YES, WEDNESDAY SARAH” said kaylene and kate. we don’t have school wednesday. that’s why lol
after school
i got mom to pick me up because i needed to buy insoles and then go to the varsity practice, but while i was waiting up at the parking lot, i talked a bit to naomi and julian. and he started singing tous les memes, so we fangirled a bit over it again lol
mom drove me to atmosphere, and i quickly went and bought the insoles. we still had a bit of time left though, since she already paid the parking meter for 20 minutes. so we walked around, because the place was pretty interesting, like a mini community. we stumbled upon a small grocery store, and it looked like a mini coffee shop too. and then we stumbled upon a little bakery/actual coffee shop place, and i bought some beef stew and rice there for dinner. i ate it on the way back to the school.
vb practice
it was super awkward because i don’t think they knew i was coming to the practice, and i never go so i don’t know how they do things, but i mean it was okay. did some serving (they were pretty brutal) and a little bit of scrimmage. he was setting on my side while i was the only middle, and it was super awkward because he tried getting me to do quicks and it was just impossible. i think it’s just the fact that i don’t feel comfortable with the team yet, just because they’ve spent so much time with each other already and i’m just a new addition who just practices with them. sigh
i also think my shoes are pretty shite... they were slipping all over the place on the court, but according to jeff it’s just because of the gym floor. but i think they’re too tight on me... cause they’re hurting my right foot a lot, but i mean.... i guess i’ll just keep playing with it because i don’t want to return them
after practice
mom and i went to go eat han cuan because she had a groupon left and she had to get it out of the way before she left for taiwan. so we had dinner together, and i had a lot of fun. kinda glad we were able to have a good bond before she left
4.11.2015
pe
i arrived at like 8:15 ish and jeff was like “SARAH!” and pointed to his wrist cause i was a bit late for his taste. but like... honestly i can’t remember what we did because i did so much volleyball this week it’s become a huge jumble. i think i just worked a bit more on my quicks because we just did mostly hitting reps
math
i think mr izdebski gave us our homework sheet. i cannot remember anything, but i know there were a lot of people away, and at first we were at our 2/3 mark where if less than 2/3 of the people were there, then he wouldn’t teach anything. well, until jacqueline came late lol, so we did some work
planning
abdilla just worked on some healthy relationship stuff. we did an activity where we talked about a healthy relationship with someone that we had, and it was anonymous on a piece of paper, then we’d crumple it up throw it around so no one knew who had who’s and someone else would read it. i wrote about a jumble of relationships.... i basically just talked about naomi and cjo together as one person, because i felt weird talking just about cjo. and yeah, i talked about how amazing they are and how i can talk to them whenever i can just when i have something on my mind to get it off my chest...
lunch
i spent the majority of this lunch with max and jon. i just followed them around, and when we got bored of walking around, we just sat in the hallway next to the english office. we talked about random shit. then i started talking to mme guillois about stromae and french music, awks. cause i just wanted to ask her if she knew about him, and then she started showing me a bunch of other french music.
wp x2
we did socials first block.... uh i can’t really remember what happened here because i think i was falling asleep again. we had a break in between blocks, but because i was leaving the next block i just went ahead and changed during the break.
vb game
we played against york and crofton today. i worked it out, and figured out that if we won like 3 sets then we’d be in playoffs. but... well, we failed with crofton and lost in 2, but we beat york house in 2. the york house game was interesting, because all of a sudden in the second set, i got really good at serving. like they were quick, low, and hard driven. i think in total i had a run of 10 points from 2 serving rounds. i served the winning point too, because they called a time out right before the winning point, and i felt really good because the serve after a time out is always the most pressuring one, but it got shanked and i just (y)
we didn’t make playoffs, but... oh well.
5.11.2015
vb practice
well, since pope still thought we had playoffs until i told him after he told the team, our practice was still on, so yeah. people were really confused because our season was over and they didn’t want to do practice, but whatever. pope said we’d have a fun practice. so yeah, we just did some queens and shit. it was actually pretty fun, andrea and i were partnered at one point and we won without having to leave the queens side
after practice, we were given quite a bit of time to change, so i just hung out with charlize in the change room. we were playing with the small ball i got pope. i brought it to get people to sign it, but since i don’t have any other time to give it to him with the whole team around, i decided to do a team dinner so i could do it then. but yeah, the whole team dinner was really stressful because everyone has conflicting schedules and rio and charlize ended up not being able to go
spanish
senora tried to do this thing where it was super informal talking and it was less like she would look at u and ask you a question and you’d have to answer it.... idk, it felt different than the way she normally teaches, and i really liked it a lot more. we also did a debate as a whole class, and that was pretty good
the whole class was kinda terrible though, because i found out my mark for french and english. like, french was okay but not great, because i found out i’m getting 90, and that’s really bad for me considering i’ve been getting so high the past few years because of french immersion. idk, it’s really really bad. and ENGLISH, HOLY SHIT. i opened the thing not expecting much, but i saw it and was like holy fuck. i have a fucking 78. i wanted to cry right then and there on the spot. oh my god...
recess
i talked to naomi about my whole mark situation because i literally wanted to die. we spent the whole recess talking about it, and at one point it got so deep and emotional that i started balling... and we just stayed together until class started, and it was really awkward, because so many people saw me with red puffy eyes and it was obvious i was crying.... like mrs izdbeski saw me crying, mr pike saw me crying, andrea saw me, and the whole fucking science class saw me
science
basically i walked into class late. i tried to walk in with confidence despite my teary eyes and runny nose, but i think it was pretty obvious, because everyone was staring at me. i even asked irene if it was obvious, and she nodded immediately. idk, i tried to play it off though, but idk how well i did it
we just did an activity about chemistry. i didn’t quite understand it, but oh well
french
we read a lil thing that just introduced us to the passe simple. it was v funny and interesting because it was some story about a god, and yeah. i also sat like right in front of mr peltier because i was in that mood where i felt very vulnerable to everything again, and for some reason mr peltier makes me feel safe
lunch
i had curried lentil and sat by myself for the first few minutes while i waited for irene to come sit with me. and then mr peltier came by and was like “oh! i’ll come sit with you.” because i was sitting alone and he needed a place to sit lol. we started talking a bit, and i felt rly awkward because (i don’t know why i brought this upon myself) i started talking about how i was kinda not okay because my marks are shit this year. and i didn’t want him to feel like my french mark was the reason why, so i just threw it on my english mark. though french had a part in it, it’s true that english is the biggest reason why. and i just felt really awkward because he was trying to talk me through it, but i just regretted it because i felt bad putting him in the position to help me as i spilled my feelings out.....
we changed subjects though, because irene came along and they started talking about their own photography project thing. and then i started talking to him about stromae lol, and a new term we learned in french class, called negritude. yeah
i also spent a good chunk of my lunch talking to jimmy, because i’d only just realized that he switched out of my science class, so i asked him what was up with that. we started talking about our classes this year and everything and how we’re both doing really badly. it felt really nice to be able to catch up with him too, because ever since the whole fiasco in grade 8, i haven’t been able to talk to him as a genuine person. we used to be good friends, and it really sucks that we never talk to each other anymore.
english
we did some more stuff about techniques the writer uses in the last of the metrozoids. he talked about allusions, and i (finally!) contributed in the conversation in analyzing an allusion we talked about. then we got into our discussion groups and were told to write a paragraph about our writing technique. and it was so stupid because sianne was gone, so it was just denzel and i, and denzel didn’t do shit, while i couldn’t do shit, so we just sat there with a blank page. i ended up just taking the whole thing and doing it myself because he didn’t do anything. welp.
planning
more healthy relationship stuff, idk nothing special
after school
i hung around school until 4:30 talking to naomi because kevin wasn’t picking me up til then. i think walking down to the locker room, i walked by mr kingstone, and he was like “oh! i’d like to thank you for the shrewd comment you made in class today.” and i was SO confused because i didn’t know what shrewd meant. i thought it meant like rude or witty comment, so i was like why would u say that... but like he wouldn’t say that, so i just thought it was something good. so i didn’t really respond immediately, but when i turned around i immediately searched up shrewd definition... apparently it means intelligent. so yeah, it was about the allusion comment i made lol
ummm so yeah, i hung around talking to naomi, and i thought it was really nice because i was able to catch up with her again. i started kinda pushing myself away because i realized how i was getting irritated after hanging out with her so much, so it was really great to be able to talk to her again... and no surprise, we started talking about teachers again. it was nice though.
rachel was there too, because she was doing something with the grad council, and we talked to her a bit. she came up to us like “you know what made me really happy? 2 things, sarah saying she’d come watch our game on monday and the electronic stapler in the staff room”
oh yeah. after the game on wednesday, i asked rachel how her game went, and she said she lost, but it was ok because they’d be playing another game on monday. i said i’d come watch, but she didn’t know where it was, so when i asked her on that morning, she said it was monday, 5:30 at war memorial, and i was like aight!!! i’ll come watch!!! and she was really happy ahaha
but yeah, naomi and i went into the staff room to go see the electric stapler. we then hung around a bit until mr peltier walked in. he was really confused when he saw us in there lol
kevin picked me up and i got him to drive naomi home because she missed her mom’s car just to wait for me to get picked up lol.
he drove me to the office and we had dinner at ajisai, the expensive sushi place right next to the office. we just talked about mostly volleyball stuff
i stayed there until 8:30 when kevin finished class. i took that time to organize the team dinner.. yep!
6.11.2015
pe
i got there at 8:15 again and jeff got kinda mad at me about time again. i started doing dynamic when i realized that my back was kinda hurting, so i went off to the side to do some stretches. jeff thought i was doing useless hamstring stretches, so he got mad at me again, but when i told him it was my back, he told me to go off to go stretch it out. cara was surprisingly concerned (not really surprisingly cause she’s so nice, i just didn’t expect her to care about me), and i just told her my back was hurting, and i asked her for some stretches. she’s so nice man
jeff was really focused on me this class. he just really wanted me to get blocking down, and i was confused until the end of class...
basically at the end of class he got the whole group together and talked to them about the game on monday and just their whole situation atm. they need to win the monday game to get into lower mainlands, which meant provincials. he said if they won this game, they’d have a 95.4% chance to get into lower mainlands.... and then at the end of the meeting, he pulled me to the side...
HE TOLD ME HE WAS PROBABLY GOING TO NEED TO DRESS ME ON MONDAY. he said since simone and steph are injured, he’s going to need another middle, and i’m the only middle on hand. and i’m super nervous!!! because i haven’t trained with the team that much, i mean i went to only 1 of their practices and that’s it. especially because this is such an important game! he knew how nervous i was, and i’m pretty sure he didn’t want to make that decision either, because he seemed pretty concerned too. i mean, i’ve let it sink in a bit this past day, but i think i’ll be going to notre dame tomorrow just to get a few more touches because he said he’s doing a clinic there. omg i’m so worried, because if steph and simone are still injured on monday, it means I’M STARTING. WTF.
math
we did more stuff, even though we were under 2/3rds. whatever
wp
we did more socials stuff. and then she introduced the essay topic to us. ya
lunch
we finished a bit early, so i asked irene if she wanted to go out for lunch. i saw her through the modular window in math, and i started talking to everyone and i said hi to mr byrka. i ended up walking into the classroom and sitting with everyone, because they said they just finished a quiz and were just hanging out. and ya i felt cool being that person who just walked into the classroom and the teacher not really caring because they were cool (y)
so yeah, irene and i went up to tim hortons, but only after i had bought my beef barley because i thought irene didn’t want to go up lol. but we went up to tim hortons, and just talked about life (mostly jimmy and how she told him about how she liked him the day before). in the lineup, we talked to pierce a bit and we just talked about how we’re both failing english lol. i bought a canadian maple donut and a large hot chocolate, and irene and i just went and talked to charlize dina and matthew. it kinda sucks how i’ve drifted apart from matthew recently too. sigh
wp
we did some wp stuff, where she introduced a project we’d be doing. we’re supposed to choose something and teach it to the class. i wanted to teach people how to play the ukulele, but it’s really hard to do that because not everyone has a ukulele. so i went down to the music room with naomi to ask mr elmer if he had any to lend us, but he doesn’t. we walked back up and then started playing with a tennis ball on the basketball court, when i realized mr peltier was staring at us and pointing us out to his class, so i waved hi. we went and tried to say hey to him, but he went and covered up the windows with the blinds lol.
basically the whole class was not productive at all lol
english
we worked more on the paragraphs, or should i say i worked more. i just decided to send it in because i didn’t give a shit anymore, and mr kingstone tried to talk to me more about it. i like how he talked to me tho, and not denzel at all. he wanted me to add some stuff to it, but i didn’t quite understand what he was saying, so idk i just bullshitted it. and that’s it basically
after school
dad picked me up quite quickly, and he drove me home. that is all
7.11.2015
umm i didn’t do much today. i mean, i did finish my personal narrative that i was freaking out about this past week! it’s about mr pope, because it’s supposed to be about a coach, teacher, or instructor, and how a small difference that they made made a big difference. i’m actually kinda confident about it, or at least more than i have been about my past writing assignments. i hope it’s good enough.....
i spent a big majority of my time at home just searching stuff up about what i could do on monday to make sure i don’t fuck up. the whole is really supportive though, and they believe i can do it on monday. well, at least the ones who aren’t supportive don’t voice it out. anyways.
tomorrow
i’m supposed to go to jeff’s clinic from 9:30am to 11:30 so i can get more touches in before the game on monday. it was so awkward, i emailed him because i thought i was supposed to before i went, but he just answered with the most generic answer. whoops
i’m also going to the team dinner at 6:30! hopefully i’ll have enough time to buy ms boland something, like a box or chocolates from purdys or something. i don’t even know if she’s coming, but i feel like i need to buy her something just because she’s an adult in charge of our team. welp i’ll see