Verse 1 & Verse 2
“People say, when two people are meant together, it doesn’t matter how far they are apart, fate will bring them together again”
"It’s funny when the person who gives us the most memory, become a MEMORY.”
Warning : continuous flashbacks, nothing else. Idk but give us feedbacks okay!! We are thrilled to write this. And this fic is dedicated to our ahgases who cried (or emo) whenever they listen to this song
Author : @jinyoungmoans and @ahgase55g7
Inspired song : 1.31 am by GOT7 JB and Youngjae from <Present : You> & Me
Word counts : 2k+
Masterlist
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I still can’t believe it
That when I open my eyes you aren’t next to me
Even if those memories make it hard on me
It’s in my head again
Even if I clear out all those memories
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The needle in my hand goes through my layer of sensitive skin, I gasp as the familiar yet distant feeling flooded through my vein. Staring blankly at my bleeding finger, I slowly put the sewing equipment down and exhale shakily.
My eyes flutter close, which I regret instantly as the whole memories came rushing. Instead of feeling pain from my finger, odd but no surprise, the pain comes from my beating organ. Fragments of memories dawn upon me, leaving me breathless for another torturous minutes.
My train of thoughts traveled way too far for my liking until it stops where my heart wants to see.
His smile.
In a split second, my mind shows a fragment of a teenage boy, gasping from far as he saw my hand bleed.
"You are bleeding!" while I stayed there, staring at his panicked state.
"Hey. It's just a needle." he looked up from inspecting my hand. "Just a needle? But your blood is spilling-- look it even get on my shirt!"
Even with his scolding, I feel at ease. He rushed to find what he could wipe my blood with, until he found his handkerchief at the corner of his unkempt school bag. While I continued staring, he dabbed the piece of cloth on my finger, muttering, "If you keep being clumsy, I need to pack a first aid in my bag."
I laughed, but he didn't. Because he had really packed them in a small packaging, just in case I need it.
Like a film roll, my mind shows me another part of it, him laughing brightly-- no, beaming actually, shoving all his food into his mouth.
"That is not fair! You said you love this one!!" I heard myself arguing, pointing at the other food we shared.
"Well sucks. I changed it. Now, I love you." a hand reached to push him, I assumed it was mine.
'Stop, please.' I plead for myself not to fall in deeper.
Another fragment comes, again, we were fighting over another simple yet significant thing. "You know what? I hate you!"
"Ohh well wait until I debut and see whether you'd still hate me after that!" he announced proudly and cockily. "You'd be head over heels for me."
"You are not going to debut. Not with your swollen face!" I threw in another argument. I could feel myself chuckling at his angry state.
"Hey! This swollen face is that face you stared at everyday!" he reached over to tumble me down but I escaped by running away. "Come back here!"
I jerk myself out from another episode of my unconscious mind has brought me to, my cheeks wet and tear stained. Bringing my hand to wipe the said stain, I found myself weeping again, heart wrenching and longing over someone who won't be back.
In between those sobs, I sigh. Years have gone but here I am, at 1.31 am, crying over a memory in which I had pushed them far behind, too painful to be cleared out of my mind.
I drag myself to my bed, afraid of closing my eyes once again. Funny that people found comfort in sleeping after crying. But me? Sleep is never a comfort. After he left, sleep was the most terrifying thing. I'd wake up crying again, because the moment I opened my eyes, he wasn't next to me, like what he did seven years ago.
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I am always drowned in the thoughts of you
I get exhausted from crying
But I look for traces of you again
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Jaebum carefully shut the door after sending Jinyoung out. The male was there for a hangout but for some particular reason, he pointed out something which makes Jaebum miraculously came up with an excuse to make him go home. It was not suppose to be a frustrating night yet Jinyoung managed to change it in one second.
Heaving a big sigh, he drags his heavy steps towards the dark side of the house. There he stands, staring at the door which he contemplates to enter every time he stand in front of it. Jinyoung just have to slice open a wounded wound, Jaebum doesn't even know how to close it up again.
Gripping the metal, Jaebum braces himself to push the door open, the overwhelming scent attacks him viciously, sending his mind into a hazy state. For a split second, his knees give up and he is sent kneeling at the door of the dark room, like always.
"Why do you never use this room?" Jinyoung sticked his head inside the dark room. "It smells like a girl's perfume." He reached to flick the switch on, curious of the interior but Jaebum beat him to it and pulled his hand away.
"Don't." He warned.
Everyone who visits his house knows the rule. He clearly warned them. The second door is a restricted area. Everyone understands that. Everyone except Jinyoung.
Everytime he came over, he would be one step nearer to the door even Jaebum gave him a disapproving look. He is stepping boundaries which Jaebum doesn't know how to let him in. And today, Jinyoung beat him to it. He went as far as inhaling the scent reserved for Jaebum and only Jaebum.
Her scent.
Jaebum knows he can trust Jinyoung. Heck, he really need someone to talk to. But it's not the right time. Jinyoung is clearly not ready for all the shits Jaebum have fucked up before.
"You keep a girl in your house?" Jinyoung asked a little bit too innocent, too innocent for Jaebum's liking.
Jaebum gritted his teeth, chin jutting out. "I don't think we can hang out tonight, Jinyoung-ah." The said male laughed bitterly, knowing the fact that Jaebum was hiding something from him.
"You owe me one explanation." He reminded, before showing himself the way out.
Jaebum switches the light on, his eyes twitches at the first thing he lands them on. He shuts the door and let himself slumps against the bean bag next to the table of memories. He feels suffocated to be in the same room with his memories of her yet this is the only he can do.
He was a jerk and still a jerk. This is the only way to torture himself for the sins he did seven years ago. This is the only way for him to remember that he was a vicious monster, not a cool man which his fans look up to.
Reaching over for an old picture, his breath get stuck at his throat. It is always like this. He'll lay them pictures on the table upside down and he will reach to pick one randomly. Never once these pictures fail to make him beat himself for leaving.
"Why do you like strawberry?" She asks, licking the almost melting ice cream. Jaebum got her a strawberry flavoured and she got him a chocolate flavoured. It was cheesy but Jaebum proposed that they switched flavour to get to know each other.
"Because it's pink." She gave him a ridiculous look while Jaebum smiled sheepishly. "Seriously?"
"No wait don't answer that. I don't want to know." She pushed him away as he laughed hard at her reply. "Because it's sweet and sour. I love the taste." Again, he received a judging look and he gave up explaining.
"Why don't you tell me why you love chocolate?"
"Because it is sweet! And it makes me happy! I love anything that makes me happy." She beamed, eyes turned crescents.
"Do you love me?" Jaebum stared at her side profile, licking his favourite flavour blissfully. She stopped eating when she heard the question, but didn't hesitate when she replied, "You always make me happy Jaebum," and offered a sly smile.
Jaebum's heart clenches at the fragments of her smiles. He heard himself shouting, "You cheater! You didn't answer the question properly!" And she giggled all along, running away from the bench.
Is she still happy? Does she still love him? Jaebum hopes she doesn't love him anymore. Whatever left for her were broken promises. Jaebum beats himself everyday for it. For leaving. And for breaking. He deserves it if she hates him.
He opens his eyes, chest heaving heavily as he throws his head against the wall. The room smells exactly like her. Of course. Jaebum went as far as searching for the exact smell all over the world. Everytime he went on a world tour, he would stop by a fragrance store, sniffing each bottle. When he finally found one in Paris, he ordered a huge bottle of it, and became the permanent fragrance for the room.
He rakes his eyes at the walls. Her polaroids are everywhere in the room. He hung them when he first move in, filling the room with everything he brought with him from seven years ago. Her fav hoodies of his, her soft toy which he won from a carnival, her bandage when she accidentally pricked her finger whenever she sewn his torn clothes--
"You never listen don't you?" He hissed when she gasped as the needle pricked through her sensitive skin. "I thought we agreed on wearing this finger band before you sew anything." He watched the blood slowly trickled down her finger, which he reached over and dabbed an alcohol swab on it.
"Auch Jaebum! It hurts!" She grimaced. Jaebum pressed the swab harder and that was when she realised that he was worried about her.
"Now you feel it. Why can't you understand that I am worried whenever you pricked your hand? There could be infection for all we know!"
"But you need to wear this to training and hurry. You don't have time Jaebum! It's late." She argued, sewing back the torn pants.
"You know what, leave them. I'll wear another one."
"But-" Jaebum already left her with his pants, she smiles as the said boy exit the classroom to get to his training centre. Shaking her head, she went back to sew, being more careful with needles when Jaebum wasn't there.
Jaebum finds himself sobbing loudly against the bean bag, fragments after fragments appear in his mind. Choking on his own tears, he mutters incoherent words, pleading her to forgive him for leaving.
Miraculously, his arms wraps around the soft material of the soft toys, his face pressed against his tummy. Snorlax. Or so she called it. She said it resembles Jaebum the most from other Pokemon and decided that he should shoot for that soft toy instead. It was the first time Jaebum focused on hitting the cans real hard at a carnival. Just because she wanted Snorlax.
He squeezes Snorlax hard, gasping for air as again, her pretty smile come attacking his whole vision. She smiled so wide that day because Jaebum managed to get her the biggest soft toys in the booth.
It was as big as Jaebum's whole upper body, she walked home from the carnival all smiling. Jaebum curved a smile when she nuzzled her face to Snorlax's cheek, rubbing it against them.
"Would you want to name him?" Jaebum asked. Ironically, since she said it resembles him, she should name it by his name. Jaebum.
She stops in her track, eyes looking up in confusion. "What for? His name is Snorlax."
"But you said he looks like me. His name should be Jaebum!" He voiced out, feeling betrayed. He won them so she can name it after him.
She shoved the said soft toys to his face, "Look carefully. He doesn't look like you at all. I can't even recognise him as you." She laughed, giggling to be exact and left Jaebum outside her house, dumbfounded.
The next day she woke up, she found Snorlax sitting next to the window, two little moles were obviously added to his left eyes, just below his eyebrows.
Jaebum saw her smiling, shaking her head as she saw another scribble on Snorlax's tummy.
'Jaebum'.
Jaebum feels his head spinning and getting lighter. His vision goes black, he falls again into yet another dreamless night whenever he enter that room. Slowly, his eyes flutter close, her face flashes before he completely blacks out.
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♧ 1.31 AM will not be updated regularly. We are sorry for the inconvenience. But we will try to update the next chapter as soon as possible
Posted: 26th April 2019, 9pm
All rights reserved © jinyoungmoans and ahgase55g7
