#10-15-22

[fokeshi]

1.

it is 15 october and i am making an art of contemplating the direction i want my art to go

i am not yet writing the directions down 

i have shopping lists of supplies i will need to get there

i need a camera too so i can post the things online if that is indeed how i choose to go and i believe it is inevitable that i make that choice

luck has never been my strong suit

i am getting old all the time

poverty is not only lack of money and resources but there is such a thing as the poverty of no one to depend on but the poorness and inadequate truth of me

however with money and resources the inadequate me could be deceived long enough into getting something done

[thoughtlesssunflower]

Dear mom

Happy birthday. Or happy late birthday I should say. It was yesterday and I'm sorry I wasn't very sober enough to write to you. Today I'm drinking again. And your best friend is here.

And all I can think about is what I wouldn't give to have you here instead of her. I am so tired. Tired of talking about you instead of to you. Talking about you to strangers. To people who knew and loved you. Talking about you in general

But not getting to talk to you anymore. And it's just not fair

So happy birthday mom. I miss you. I love you. And I wish I was there with you. One day very soon