Night we told each other we liked each other.
Me: Shannan I’m so tired why are you so great wow. Why can’t you read my mind.
Shannan: Go to sleep if your tired.
Me: In a little bit. In forever but. Bit. I wanna yell in my mind but you can’t read it.
Shannan: Maybe neither of us have to read minds we both just need to stop being tsundere as fuck.
Me: I can’t bc you’ll go away and dont go away ill be so sad.
Shannan: I won’t go away but I might fuck something up. I always manage to do so. And I don’t want to loose you because of something stupid I might do.
Me: You won’t lose me you’re not stupid you’re so great wow why don’t you know how great you are shannan
Shannan: Too much self deprecation? Which I think both of us have way too much of. Because you can’t see how great you are either.
Me: Isthat bad does that mean you can oh nooooo. What will fuck u up you won’t watch I’m gunna sit I’m gunna sit n wait
Shannan: Idk I’m afraid I’m going to break your heart and you’ll hate me forever. I’m just terrified of losing you and what we have.
Me: Gay baby jaiiiiil. I can’t hat yr toooo cute. Too mice
Shannan: I’m serious!!!
Me: Nice. Not mice Mice freak me out I need to breath. It’s tight
Shannan: Yes please breath
Me: I’m scared to. To and too. Both. Are you still there you said you wouldn’t go away.
Shannan: Idk what to do. I want it to work. But wht if it dosnt? What if I fucking lose you forever? Like if it dosnt work I want us to be able to still be best friends idk I wish I could see into the future to figurethis shit out. Yeah it’s just hard to type when your shaking
Me: Don’t shake please don’t shake you dont’ like milkshakes (you’re white like milk and you’re shaking) I don’t know I guess all we can say is either ‘fuck it’ or ‘better not’ and I don’t know which is right
Shannan: Idk either. It’s such a delicate subject. It can go really bad or really good. I just. I don’t want to be anymore like Patrick than I always am. I don’t want to wait until it’s almost too late. But fuck I’m scared. It’s like I want it but I don’t want to touch it and break it.
Me: Do you think it can go really bad?
Shannan: I’ve just had bad experiences I guess? Kerri and I were friends until I fucked it up. GP and I were great friends until I fucked it up. But that could have been because I had feelings for you and tried push them aside because I was afraid of scaring you away. Yeah. But I’m paranoid you know that.
Me: You had feelings for me at one point?
Shannan: Yeeeah. I tried to pass them off as just oh she’s my best friend and blah blah blah. But yeah no didn’t work obviously. I would stay up all night fighting myself about it that’s kind of why I’m not that upset that GP and I never really got together. I liked him and all but not as much as I needed to be with him.
Me: You prick I wanted you happy I was trying to help you get the confidence to be with GP. You’re the worst I’m biting tomorrow so hard.
Shannan: I’m sorry I know I’m an ass but I didn’t want to scare you!
Me: God the whole time I was like nope Hannah don’t be an asshole nope fuck that nope just focus on making her happy nope don’t think about it I’m gunna HIT YOUUUUU
Shannan: I’m soooorrryyyy I feel like an ass
Me: Don’t don’t I’m just like JEEZ Jeez Louise
Shannan: Okay well this conversation was so fucking surreal idk about you
Me: All I can say is I’m not Kerri and I’m not GP. I’ve got some issues. I’m jealous and possessive and I’m all around terrible at times. If. You really think I’m worth it, if you really think it’s worth the risk. I’m not sure. A part of me is saying yes because. I just, it feels right? My tummy’s in knots and my heart is gunna beat out of my chest but you’re so important to be> I don’t know. What if you really like GP that scares me and I know it’s like so crappy to say? I’m gunna wake up and this is all going to be a dream and I’m going to be so upset so upset. What if you see the parts of me you won’t like, what if you think I’m crazy, what if I expect too much, what if I’m too much to handle you could hate me so easily. Please dont say this is all a joke
Shannan: I don’t like GP like that. I don’t think I ever really did. I just convinced myself I did. It’s really always been you. I know I’m naturally flirty and I hate it and idk. I Agree. It feels so right but we both don’t love ourselves enough and that could be our downfall. That’s why I’m scared. Because there is so much potential for this to go either way. I would never joke about something like this.
Me: But maybe I could shine lights on parts of you in a way that makes you love them and maybe you could do the same for me. Maybe you’ll make me wonder why I thought being alone would be so much better and maybe I can do the same for you. maybe this is good. I don’t know. Why is this so hard. I don’t want it to be hard. Google is giving me mixed messages on it being worth the risk.
Shannan: I dont’ want it to be hard either. I wish this was a fuckin romcom that shit works out so nicely for best friends in this situation.
Me: What is the bad
Shannan: The bad? We get into our self deprecating minds. We think so little of ourselves and we don’t think it’s possible for the other to actually feel the way they claim. It ends in a bad break up and/or we are never really the same with each other again. That’s the bad.
Me: What should we do.
Shannan: Or one of us cracks under the pressure of being in an actual relationship. Bad break up. Forever awkward. I have no clue.
Me: Do you think we’ll be awkward.
Shannan: Like if it ends badly or all together?
Me: Anything
Shannan: I think at first maybe? Or with any luck we’ll just keep going like we have been. Just that natural connection.
Me: Do you think it’s worth it?
Shannan: I honestly don’t know. It’s a humongous risk. What do you think?
Me: I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know I don’t know at all. It’s a big risk. Really big. I’m scared of it. But I don’t want to be scared. I’m so sick of being scared.
Shannan: Fucking. Same. I want to say fuck it and forgo all the stupid logic that’s holding me back but I don’t know. Maybe we shouldn’t decide right now. We should think on it a bit more.
Me: Okay. Okay. Promise you won’t dwell on it or act odd of off tomorrow okay? We’re friends first. Best friends first, and that’s what matters, okay?
Shannan: I promise I’ll try not too. Im sure we’ll be fine tho. Best friends first always. And maybe we should talk about it in person, too?
Me: You won’t laugh at me right?
Shannan: Of course not. I might laugh in general because I laugh when I’m nervice and you just make me happy in general.
Me: Pinky swear?
Shannan: Double pinky swear with a cherry on top.
Me: Okay. Okay. We should sleep.
Shannan: We really should.
Me: Don’t do that think where you get nervous and nauseous and don’t sleep. Because I will hit you.
Shannan: Guess your gonna have to hit me.
Me: SHANIEL. I swear to god....
Shannan: I’m sorry my stomach is a dumbass.
Me: Please?
Shannan: It goes hey shannan, want to sleep? Too fcking bad ~~~nausea~~~~
Me: There is nothing to be nervous about.
Shannan: I’m still going to be it tho. I’ll watch some Achievement hunter to help me sleep. Those idiots usually do the truck.
Me: Im going to hit you jeez..... Get to bed soon please.
Shannan: :< I am. You too! You drive and shit you need to be rested.
Me: Sleep well and have sweet dreams and good night okay I love you (hug) (h) and more skype emoticons that don’t work on here but yolo ttyt
Shannan: You too! Sleep well sweet dreams hopefully no more dreams of me being a prick <3 <3 love you get some good rest
