100 Monologues #86:
DAISY RUIN:
I’m always drunk when I’m here.
You don’t know how to love me when you’re sober. That’s a Selena Gomez lyric. I mean she probably didn’t write it herself. But yeah, I’m now taking life advice from a twenty two year old pop diva. Is she even a diva? I like her though, and maybe I’m just too old for anyone to care what I think anyways. She sings that song and I think, you’re right. I need to be loved when I’m sober.
But I think again and maybe I’m thinking all wrong. I don’t know how to love when I’m sober.
When I think about falling in love, I think about losing control. I think about falling into something feeling drunk, dizzy, and it feels good. Like being wasted but safe. I think about love like taking the risk of getting high around a total stranger, but then that total stranger doesn’t hurt you.
I don’t know if I’ve ever been in love, not wasted. When I’m here, when I’m thinking I love you, when I’m thinking I’ll give it a shot, I’m usually a few shots in, a few beers deep, and I can never see clearly. Sometimes I think if I go deep enough underwater, the water will get clear again. Like I’ll see something.
I’m not sure, maybe it’s just what I hope for.
