#101918

[moodymurda]

damn i’m super into you

the most gentle soul i have encountered to date

with eyes brighter than a kid at the fair for the first time

it is impossible not to be drawn to someone like you

[acutestyle]

10.19.18

[kinhship]

Great weekend, Krist started off the week well with his most adorable instagram story. Happy Birthday! Got to spend quality time with mom and the sis and our special guest of Friday night, Nhung 😂. Went to the Vietnamese Queer Film Festival and it was a good learning experience, and LOL at how Thao could find me so well hidden in the dark. Nhung seems like she really enjoyed it, and Carro only being there for 45 minutes mhmmm. Sura BBQ was actually a good experience this time around, before I took a nap at Thao’s house. Car rides are really the best when you have deep conversations :)

[fyeahprism]

prism_terra

[ja-nel]

So much more than beer and snow. Thank you for sharing your summer and fall with me, Bend, Oregon. #highdeserthigh #101918 (at Bend, Oregon) https://www.instagram.com/p/BpJTnwJAVG-/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1w3zsaat9xly7

[sweetly-softly-sadly]

Confession.

After long deliberation, I am finally writing this. I don't know when I'll send you the, link, if I ever do, but here you go, my confession. A lot of the other stuff is jumbled, impulsive thoughts. I wanted to share this with you because it is an accurate description of my feelings. I like you, Kiril. I like you. I like you and I hate that I like you because I tell you all the time that I don't and I judge others that do and I feel like I shouldn't even like you because it won't ever happen.

But

I like you.

God it feels so... scary.. to write that. I am terrified. Some topics get serious here. Some are more about me than you but still, you should know them.

I like your laugh, and the way you never cease to make me amused. I like the sound of your sleepy voice on a late school night and the rush of excitment and nervousness i feel when I put your phone number in my phone. I like the way you say "yeah" when you wake up at the sound of me calling your name. I like that we are so similar yet have led totally different lives thus far. I like when you send me photos of you, not solely because you look beautiful and I can gush, but because you've given me a piece of you which you don't seem to find comfortable with considering your lack of photos. I like hearing about your day and how you slept with your puppy or your adventures at work and how you are an absolute monster who eats the breadsticks wrong. I like the idea of me meeting you one day and going out together and doing all the things we enjoy, or escaping together, or just simply holding your hand while we do nothing and lie there. I like that you're still too shy to say my name , how you'll speak different languages for me or listen to me as I butcher them terribly. I like how you laugh at my dumb jokes and make me feel warm and safe and happy and level headed. I like how you make me feel whole when I am empty and make me feel important from just a few words. I like that you give me the time of day and you listen to me and that you promise me we can make it work even when I'm difficult or we get distanced. I like how you've never given up on me. I like that you make me feel even when I am numb, make me feel happy, make me feel sad an angry, you make me feel so many things and I like all of it. I like that you came into my little unpromising life and made it so much better than you can ever know.

The list could go on and on. I've never been able to express these words to you, but now is the time. All of the "I don't knows" were really me hiding these feelings from you.

[msatreroc]

Friday night,

Work was work.

But I enjoy being at work. Sometimes I’d rather just be at work.

It sounds depressing I know but it’s true.

A few reasons why...

I come home tired and hungry. There’s no food. I ask my mom what she ate. Gets mad at me and tells me, “why can’t you just buy food you can drive”.

I miss the times when we ate breakfast, lunch and dinner together.

My brother doesn’t give a fuck about anything.

Everyone uses my stuff and when I get upset about it they get mad at me for being upset about them not asking me permission to use my stuff.

My dad left me, my mom and my brother.

Today is my dads birthday. I sent him a text. He texts back with a, “Ohh. Thank you”. It seems like it doesn’t even matter that I greeted him.

My family fell apart.

But that’s okay.

I have friends right? Boyfriend too right?

Well, one friend of mine stress me out when I’m tired and don’t want to hangout. Another one got away but recently we talked again. Other ones are as busy as me and only have time for work.

But that’s okay I have a boyfriend.

Oh yeah? The one that gets mad at me when all things in my life fall apart and when I don’t have anyone to turn to I turn to him but I come out as annoying.

Sometimes I just ask myself when I will meet people who will have my back and love me as a person for who I am and what I do.

Or would they only notice my importance once I’m gone?

Sometimes it’s tempting to take my own life but at the same time I’m still scared to die.

Even though I felt like I died inside a long time ago a small part of me is still there deep inside.

But sometimes it’s hard to understand myself anymore.

Like is it worth it if no one is seeing me for me?

What if I lose myself?

Then what?

I wish I could skip to this part of my life and just live my best life.

Is that ever going to happen though?

Maybe or maybe not right?

It’s up to me. But what if my best still won’t be good enough.

I would end up a walking zombie.

No family. No friends. No fun. No brain.

Lost memories.

Just a living dead.

[akoreenpala]

Dear anak,

Mommy misses you so much. I know we have to be separated for a time since you’re still there with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and that I have to wait for you.

I just want you to know that I am grateful to you and Heavenly Father and I feel so honored to be your mom. You don’t know how joyful I am to realized that I will be a mom through you—my angel. Oh,I can’t wait to see you! But I must!

I love you and I’m preparing myself now so I can be an effective mom for you,my darling.

I miss you and I love you.

Love,

Mommy