#10daysofshipping2020

[gagakumadraws]

10 Days of Shipping Day 9: Hamliza - Hot Chocolate

Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time. -Henri Frederic Amiel

[whatdidimissjm]

10 Days of Shipping, Day 6: Jamilmads - Nightmare

Alex is sitting in his office, typing away on an article he is writing right now, completely lost in thought, when he hears something that almost sounds like a scream. He flinches and looks up, his eyes darting around the room, as if that would help him to locate where it was coming from. A quick glance at the clock on his computer tells him that it´s past two in the morning, but that doesn´t explain anything. He waits a moment longer, listening intently if there is another sound and when he doesn´t hear anything, he returns to his article. Alex doesn´t even manage to write one word, before another noise disturbs his concentration, but this time it´s the shout of his name that has him look up. It´s unmistakably James, who is calling his name, so it has to come from the bedroom. There is something in his voice that causes Alex to jump up immediately, not even bothering to check if his work is saved, like he always does. He hurries out of the office and down the hallway to their bedroom, almost tripping over the rug. There is light seeping through the crack of the door and Alex feels incredibly nervous as he reaches for the doorhandle and slowly pushes the door open.

His heart breaks at the scene his is presented with, and for a moment he just stands there, looking at his boyfriends. Thomas is sitting in James´ lap, his face hidden in the smaller man´s pyjama shirt, but Alex can still tell that he is crying, both because his body is shaking with sobs and because of the soft whimpers he can hear. Thomas doesn´t seem to notice his presence, though James looks up at him as he slowly walks closer to the bed. Alex raises his eyebrows in question and James mouths the word “nightmare”.

“Hey, love, Alex is here.”, James whispers, but it takes Thomas a moment to register the words.

Alex just stands awkwardly beside the bed, only moving when Thomas turns around to him and holds his hands out. This causes Alex to wake up from his stupor and in a second, he is in bed with his boyfriends, gently wiping the tears away from Thomas´ face, while the other man clings to his arms.

“Shh, I got you. I got you.”, Alex mumbles, doing his best that his voice sounds as calming as possible.

“You were gone when I woke up.”, Thomas cries, his eyes wide and full of panic.

“I´m here.”, Alex says softly. “I was just in my office, everything is alright.”

Thomas tries to reply, but he´s crying so hard now that he doesn´t manage to get the words out. Alex exchanges a worried glance with James, who tightens his hold, moving a bit so that Alex can join the hug as well. He has never seen Thomas in such a state and it honestly scares him a bit. He is incredibly glad that James is by his side, seeing as he has known Thomas far longer than Alex has.

“Thomas, everything is alright.”, Alex tries again, but he can hear the helplessness in his own voice. “James?”, he asks, looking for guidance.

The older man gives him a reassuring smile, squeezing his hand.

“You´re doing great. Just keep on talking to him.”

Alex nods, taking a deep breath to calm himself down a bit and give himself time to gather his thoughts, before he starts to whisper reassurances to Thomas. At first, it doesn´t seem to work and Alex is about to get into a panic again, but then he notices how Thomas starts to slowly calm down, until he is only softly sniffling from time to time.

“Hey, we got you.”, Alex says softly, raising his hand to gently brush away the tears from Thomas´ face. “Everything is okay.”

Thomas closes his eyes for a moment, before he nods, slumping against James´ chest.

“Do you want to talk about it?”, Alex asks, but Thomas only shrugs, dropping his eyes.

“I don´t know.”, he mumbles.

“You should. It helps.”, James tells him, but Thomas just shrugs again.

“Nothing much to talk about. I dreamt that Alex had died or left us, I´m not sure, and when I woke up you were actually gone, and I thought that it wasn´t just a dream and that you would never come back.”

Alex can feel his heart breaking and he has to blink a few times to keep himself from crying. Thomas is still clutching the sleeve of his shirt, so he carefully twists his arm so that he can grab Thomas´ hand, squeezing it.

“I would never leave you.”, he promises, hoping that Thomas can hear how much he means it. “My life would be absolute shit without you. Both of you.”

“Really?”, Thomas asks, finally looking up at him.

“Really.”

Alex hesitates a second, before he leans forward, gently kissing Thomas.

“Okay.”, Thomas whispers, a tiny smile on his face.

He lets a sigh, cuddling closer to James.

“Can we lay down again?”, Thomas asks, and both of his boyfriends nod instantly.

They shuffle a bit around, until they are all lying down under their blanket, with Thomas in the middle. His face is pressed against Alexander´s chest, and James is hugging him from behind. Alex searches for James´ hand for a moment, before he finds it and intertwines their fingers.

“Will you leave again, when I´m asleep?”, Thomas asks after a few minutes.

It hurts Alex how insecure and scared the other man sounds and he tightens his hold, gently kissing Thomas´ head.

“No, baby, I will stay. You can go to sleep and I will be there when you wake up again.”

He feels Thomas nodding and letting out a shuddering breath.

“Okay.”, he mumbles. “James, you won´t be gone as well, right?”

“Of course not, love.”

Thomas nods again, relaxing further, his breathing slowly evening out, drifting off to sleep.

“James?”, Alex whispers when he is sure that Thomas is asleep. He can feel his boyfriend squeezing his hand, which he takes as a signal to keep talking. “I didn´t know it bothered Thomas that much when I´m in my office at night. Why didn´t he say anything?” Alexander´s voice cracks slightly at the last word, a single tear running down his face.

“I don´t know, honey. Maybe he didn´t even notice it himself. It´s not your fault though, don´t beat yourself up over this. Just talk to him tomorrow, yeah?”

“You´re right.”, Alex mumbles after a moment. “It´s just, seeing him like this…”

“I know.”

Alex nods.

“I never wanted to hurt him, if I had known-“

“Alex, calm down. He knows that. We both do. Don´t overthink this.”

He closes his eyes for a second, deliberately taking slow and deep breaths, doing his best not to give in to the panic he still feels inside of himself.

“I love you. And I never want you to feel like I don´t care, because I do. I care so much.”

“Honey, of course you do. No need to worry about that. It´s pretty obvious.”

Alex laughs softly, the unease finally leaving him.

“Thank you. I don´t think you even realise how amazing you are.”

James joins his laughter, squeezing his hand once more.

“Go to sleep.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

There is a smile on Alexander´s face as he closes his eyes, finally feeling like he is able to sleep as well.

[gagakumadraws]

10 Days of Shipping Day 1: Jamilton - Ocean

“It is beautiful, it is endless, it is full and yet seems empty. It hurts us.” ― Jackson Pearce 

So it begins.  

[gagakumadraws]

10 Days of Shipping Day 6: Jamilmads - Politics 

It must be nice... It must be nice...

[gagakumadraws]

10 Days of Shipping Day 5: Hamlaf - Magic

“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.” ― Roald Dahl

I made this one as a mini collab with @whatdidimissjm. Once she’s done with her fic for it, you should definitely check it out! 

[gagakumadraws]

10 days of shipping Day 4: Lams - Rain

“I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying.” ― Charlie Chaplin

[whatdidimissjm]

10 Days of Shipping, Day 3: Hamburr - Fight

Sam has hit him. That´s all Alex can think about as he runs down the stairs of the apartment building of his former friend, absentmindedly touching his chin. He winces as he does so, and he really hopes that nothing is broken, though it doesn´t seem like it. Alex is so lost in thought that he almost misses his phone ringing and answers the call without first checking who is calling.

“Yeah?”, he asks, slightly out of breath.

“Am I interrupting something?”, Aaron gives back, and Alex is sure that he must be hallucinating right now, but his co-worker almost sounds amused.

“What do you want?”, Alex hisses, ignoring Aaron´s question completely.

He just really hopes that it doesn´t involve going anywhere other than his flat.

“I need you to come to the office. It´s important.”, Aaron says, just as Alex has finished that thought.

He can´t help but groan.

“I will be there in twenty minutes.”, he says through gritted teeth and hangs up, before Aaron can reply and scold him for his attitude.

True to his word, Alex steps out of the elevator about nineteen minutes later. The law firm is strangely deserted, only a few lights still shining. It is kind of surreal and Alex feels like he is in a horror movie. He walks down the hallway to Aaron´s office, his footsteps echoing in the normally noisy room. He knocks on Aaron´s door when he reaches it, not bothering to wait for the other man to tell him to come in, before he pushes the door open.

His colleague is sitting at his desk, the light of his laptop illuminating his face weirdly, and once again Alex is reminded of a horror movie.

“Alex, good that you are here, I need you to-“, Aaron says, but stops when he looks up, the shock clear on his otherwise almost emotionless expression.

“What happened to you face?”, Aaron asks.

“Nothing.”, Alex says stiffly. “What do you need?”

Instead of continuing his earlier train of thought, though, Aaron gets up from his chair and rounds the table, slowly walking up to Alex, as if he is a spooked animal. His eyes are fixed on Alexander´s chin, where he imagines a bruise is already starting to bloom.

“Alex, what happened? Who did this?”, Aaron asks again, this time more insistently.

Alex takes a step back from Aaron, but the other man catches his wrist, keeping him from retreating any further.

“What do you even care?”, Alex asks bitterly, the anger and disappointment he feels toward Sam now shifting to Aaron. “Oh, I forgot, you don´t. Because emotions are a weakness.”

For a moment Aaron just stares at him, before he slowly shakes his head.

“Jesus Christ, Alex, you can´t be serious. This wasn´t…”, he takes a deep breath, clearly trying to calm himself down. “I was talking about your behaviour in the courtroom, not about stuff like this. You are fucking bleeding! What the fuck happened?!”

“I´m what?”, Alex asks, refusing to believe what Aaron has said.

He reaches up to touch his face again, but Aaron catches his other hand too and Alex lets out a whine.

“Your lip is bleeding and you touching it is only going to make it worse.”, Aaron explains. “How about you will sit down for a moment and explain to me what happened?”

Alex just glares at Aaron for a moment, but he can feel the anger dissolving, so he shrugs, but he doesn´t resist when Aaron guides him to the couch that is normally reserved for clients. Alex lets himself fall onto it, hissing softly in pain. Aaron sits down next to him and grabs his hands again.

“What happened?”, Aaron asks, for what Alex thinks must be the hundredth time, but this time Alex isn´t nearly as bothered by it, as he was before.

He looks down at their hands, taking a few breaths, trying to sort his thoughts and get out a more or less coherent sentence.

“He... he hit me. Sam hit me”, he mumbles finally, a tear rolling down his face.

Alex can see the pain of that statement mirrored in Aaron´s face and suddenly he is crying. Aaron hesitates a moment, before he pulls the smaller man against his chest and Alex tenses for a second, but then he slumps against Aaron, desperate sobs shaking his whole body.

“I got you. You´ll be alright. He will pay for that.”

Aaron´s words only make Alex cry harder, but at the same time he is really grateful for them, because it´s exactly what he needs to hear. He doesn´t know how long they stay like this, but Alexander´s face burns in embarrassment, as he pulls away.

“Sorry.”, he mumbles, looking down at his hands again.

“They one who should be sorry is Sam.”, Aaron replies bitterly, and Alex thinks he has never seen him this angry.

“I´m sure he didn´t mean it.”, Alex says, the instinct of protecting Sam overtaking his own hurt.

“Alexander, he hit you. And from what it looks like he didn´t just throw one accidental punch. He did mean it.”

Aaron´s words feel like a punch in the face, as ironically as that is, but he knows that they are true. They are silent for a moment after that, before Alex looks up again and nods.

“I know.”, he whispers. “But it hurts.”

Instead of an answer, Aaron lifts his hand, gently brushing away Alexander´s tears. Once again Alex tenses at first, before he leans into the touch, letting out a shaky breath and closes his eyes.

“You can stay the night at my place, if you want to. You shouldn´t be alone anyway and tomorrow you can think about pressing charges.”

It shocks Alex hearing Aaron talk about pressing charges, but deep down he knows that he is right.

“Okay.”, Alex says finally.

Aaron nods and gets up, before holding out his hand for Alex to help him up.

“Didn´t you want something important?”, Alex asks as he follows Aaron to the elevators, but his colleague just shakes his head.

“That´s really the last thing on my mind. Come.”

“Okay.”, Alex says, with a small smile on his face.

After a moment of hesitation, he grabs Aaron´s hand, holding his breath as he does so, but the other man just squeezes it reassuringly and Alex relaxes again. He feels far from okay and thinks that it will stay this way for some time, but with Aaron by his side, he thinks he can get there again.

[whatdidimissjm]

10 Days of Shipping Day 1: Jamilton - Politics

Thomas has been working towards becoming president for the past decade and now that it´s almost palpable, it feels too surreal to be true. He is sitting in a room with his closest friends, the people who have helped him come this far, waiting for the last votes to be counted, and he can see the anticipation mirrored on their faces. When the countdown starts, the room goes completely silent, everyone staring at the big tv screen in front of them. Thomas can´t help but close his eyes, his heart beating so loud and fast in his chest that it almost drowns out the voice of the tv-host. He is concentrating so much on keeping his breathing even, that he doesn´t really notice the host calling out his name, only realising that he just won the election, when the room erupts into applause and jeers. He opens his eyes and is met with a room full of people smiling at him, shouting their congratulations. It takes a moment for him to actually believe that this is really happening, but when he sees his name and picture on the tv screen, declaring him the next president of the United States, it becomes a bit more real. He tears him eyes away from the tv, looking at the people around him and can´t help but beam at them.

“We did it!”, he declares, and the room bursts into cheers once more.

James is the first one to throw his arms around him, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.

“I´m so proud of you, Thomas.”, he whispers.

Thomas can feel his eyes getting a bit damp, but he can´t allow himself to cry just yet. Later then, when all his public speeches are over. James lets go of him and another one of his co-workers takes his place. All of it is a bit of a blur, faces and congratulations mixing together, and it feels like hours until Thomas gets shoved in the direction of the door, though he knows it could only have been mere minutes. Thomas is smiling so brightly that his face is already hurting, but he can´t seem to stop, the happiness and relief too overwhelming.

He is walking down the hallway to get to the podium, where he is supposed to give his first speech as the new president, when he sees a familiar face in the crowd. Thomas feels his heart skipping a beat as he stops, waiting for Alexander to make his way over to him. The younger man smiles brightly at him and before Thomas can think about what to do and how to react to Alexander Hamilton of all people showing up here, Alex wraps his arms around him, drawing him into an embrace. It takes Thomas a moment to catch up and hug Alex back, his heart pounding against his chest. He hopes that Alex isn´t able to feel it and tries to tell himself that it´s only because he just became president, though deep down he knows that it´s not true. Far too soon, Alex moves back, though he keeps his arms on Thomas´ shoulders, smiling up at him with the biggest smile.

“You did it, Mister President.”, Alex says, his voice full of pride.

Thomas feels a shockwave of euphoria rushing through him at the use of his new title and his breath hitches.

“Thanks to you.”, Thomas gives back, but Alex shakes his head, laughing softly.

“That was all you. I hardly did anything.”

Thomas is about to protest, when a woman walks up to them, telling Thomas that he is supposed to make his speech now. He nods, telling her that he will be there any second. Alex removes his hands from his shoulders and Thomas misses the contact almost instantly.

“Congrats again.”, Alex says. “I´ll get going then.”

He reaches up once more and fixes Thomas´ tie and Thomas feels his skin prickling under the younger man´s touch. Just as Alex is about to pull away, Thomas catches his wrist and for a moment they stay like this, waiting what will happen next.

“Stay. I- There is a small party later to celebrate with just a few selected people and I´d like you to be there too.”, Thomas says, somehow far more nervous about that than he was about the announcement of the winner of the election.

Alexander´s heart flutters nervously under Thomas´ fingers as he regards him with a small, amazed smile.

“Just a few selected people, huh?”, Alex asks, and Thomas feels the heat rising in his cheeks.

“Yeah, it-“, he starts, but gets interrupted, before he can finish.

“Mister President, the people are waiting for you.”, the woman from before tells him, and he nods.

Alex takes a step away from him, giving him a smile.

“You will be there?”, Thomas asks, as he gets led away, looking over his shoulder at the other man.

He sees Alex nodding, with the same amazed smile as before.

“I will.”, he says, and somehow it feels like a promise far bigger than just agreeing to come to his party.

Thomas gives Alex one last smile, before he gets swallowed up by the crowd and Thomas steps out onto the stage, where the cheering people await him. His speech and the following questions by the reporters all blur a bit together and Thomas feels like he is only able to breathe again, once he is away from the crowd of reporters, even though he is still far from alone. He takes a look at his watch and notices with some distaste that he doesn´t have time to take a moment alone, before he needs to go to the celebration party with his whole team and he can´t help but look forward to when it´s over, even though he feels bad about it. He loves his team and more importantly, he loves the people in it, and he is grateful to them for helping him getting where he is today, but he longs for a bit of peace. There is also the fact that Alex will be there, but Thomas doesn´t allow himself that thought.

The celebration party seems to last forever and even though Thomas has a lot of fun, the conversations with the people get a bit repetitive and he is glad when his secretary finally informs him that the car is ready and waiting for him. Thomas lets out a sigh of relief and climbs the small podium, tapping his finger against the microphone.  Almost instantly the room goes silent, all eyes on him.

“My dear friends, my family, I am so, so proud of you and grateful, because I know I wouldn´t be where I am today, if it wasn´t for every single one of you.”, he makes a small pause, smiling warmly down at his team. “I will say goodbye now, but please celebrate and have fun, because you deserve it. Good night!”

The crowd cheers once more, as Thomas gets led out of the room by his security guards. About twenty minutes later, Thomas finds himself finally in front of the club, where his friends are supposed to be already waiting for him. His heart starts beating faster when he thinks about seeing Alex again and he feels far more nervous than he was the during the whole day, which he thinks is ridiculous. They enter the club through a backdoor and get led into a private room, where his five closest friends are sitting on the couch in the corner. There is no sight of Alex and Thomas feels incredibly stupid for thinking the younger man would actually show up. He forces himself to smile at his friends, hoping they won´t notice how disappointed and hurt he is. When the waiter asks him what he wants to drink, he orders a shot of tequila, hoping the burning of the alcohol will help him forget about the burning he feels behind his eyes.

“You really want to start with tequila? And here I thought the President of the United States was supposed to have style.”, a voice says behind Thomas.

He spins around, staring at Alex, who is standing in the door, a slight smile playing around his lips. Relief floods through him and he feels like crying again, though this time out of happiness. He walks over to the other man with a big grin and throws his arm around his shoulders, hugging him to his side and walking back to the table with him.

“For a moment I thought you wouldn´t show up.”, Thomas admits, his voice so low that only Alex can hear him.

“How can I say no to the President?”, Alex asks, and Thomas freezes, dropping his arm.

“Alex, if you don´t want to be here-“, he starts, but gets interrupted.

“My god, Thomas, of course I want to be here. You are ridiculous and apparently blind; how did you get president again?”

Thomas stares at him confused, trying to understand what Alex means.

“I don´t follow.”

Instead of an explanation though, Alex just laughs and rolls his eyes.

“I´ll give you some time to think.”, he says with a wink, joining the other people of the group at the couch.

Thomas is just standing there dumbstruck for a moment, before he shakes his head and chuckles. He walks over to his friends as well, his heart nearly bursting. As he sits down next to Alex, so close that they are almost touching, and Alex shifts a bit, so that their thighs and arms are pressed together and smiles up at him, Thomas can´t help but think that he just couldn´t be happier.