#10korbust

[currentleadershipcoaching]

10k Day is here... Gab & I are ready!! . . #LR10k #10kOrBust https://www.instagram.com/p/B9JtcewpG7q/?igshid=1iqi6ssdazkck

[thecurvycook]

Well, this is it- tomorrow is my first race and I’m as prepared as can be. Flat runner Jess is all laid out to ensure I don’t forget something 😬 starting to get a bit nervous but focusing on just getting things done and crossing that finish line... here we go! #firstrace #10korbust #princessintraining #chasing13point1 #iwantadventureinthegreatwidesomewhere #jessrunshappilyeverafter

[gobigorgohome2016]

Stages of Getting Past one Race and Looking Towards Another

For 6 months straight, 90% of the decisions I made were with the Olympic Trials in mind.  

Go out, or stay in?

Eat this, or eat that?

Run, or don’t run? 

Go to bed, or watch another episode of Golden Girls?

When a race doesn’t go as planned, you not only mourn the race, but in a way you mourn the loss of the process that got you there.  Training for the Trials gave my running a purpose and meaning that I had never experienced before. 

And I loved it.

Regardless of the outcome of the race (unless, of course, I had managed to be in the top 3 and the process started over), I knew that coming down from that high was going to be rough.  The past few weeks have been emotionally tumultuous, and I’ve experienced the highs and lows that you would likely expect someone to face when purposely de-training herself after attaining a new level of fitness and having a largely successful racing season.

Stage 1:  Nostalgia I hit this stage about a week before the Trials.  It was the realization of what next?  I suddenly began looking upon the previous months with a surprising degree of fondness, realizing I wasn’t ready for this journey to end.  More than anything, I wanted to run really freaking well so that it wouldn’t have to and I could keep riding that wave.

Stage 2: Exhaustion In the days following the race, I felt a sense of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion.  Getting to the starting line healthy, finishing the race, and then dealing with the post-race comments, good and bad, took its toll.  I was ready to sleep for days (which I did) and not think about anything running related.

Stage 3:  Obstinance This stage kicked in after approximately the 3000th time I was asked, “you’re really okay with how the race went?” or “wow, I’m so impressed with how you’re handling this, I figured you would be upset” or “do you regret working as hard as you did?”  This was the stage where I wanted to tell everyone i came across, YES I FUCKING RACED AT THE TRIALS, NO IT DIDN’T GO THE WAY I WANTED, BUT I AM HAPPY SO LEAVE ME ALONE. 

Stage 4: Jealousy This stage occurred when I decided to start reading the online articles posted about the race.  I became overwhelmingly jealous of the people who had great races, even though those stories were few and far between.  

Stage 5: Hope A week after I returned home from the Trials, I went for my first run, which was officially the start of track season.  My legs still worked, I didn’t have any injuries (which I was slightly concerned about in the days post race), and I didn’t feel like death.  TRACK, HERE WE COME.

Stage 5:  Sadness Only a few short days after my first run back, Dave left for a work trip.  This was truly the first time I had been alone since LA, and I soon realized I had been holding in a lot of emotions.  Maybe I wasn’t okay, after all.  Or, maybe it was the first time I was allowed to actually be sad about the fact that I worked really hard and dedicated myself to three goals that didn’t materialize.  I also finally confronted the fact that this was the first race since October of 2014 that I didn’t run a PR in.  I know that sounds silly to say, but I guess after having a crazy PR streak like that, it feels deflating to have the only race that really matters be the one you aren’t celebrating.  I spent a few days unpacking those emotions.  

Stage 6:  Comparison This was when good ol’ jealousy came back.  Comparisons are the number one struggle I have had as an athlete.  I began to wonder what others had done that I hadn’t; what they have that I don’t; and whether I would ever be able to beat the women who beat me at the Trials.  Honestly, I think that deep down this is the reason that it can be easier to drop out of a race than finish.  I am in no way insinuating that anyone who dropped out felt or feels this way, but for me, I find that it can be easier to say there was an injury or cramps or whatever than to say I just wasn’t as good as everyone else that day.  I began to wonder whether my track goals were reasonable. 

Stage 7:  Perspective Then, one day, I started to snap out of it.  The weather turned from rain/sleet/snow to sunshine and warm weather.  I had a few fantastic trail runs.  I started to feel like a new person.  I also started to remind myself of a few things:

I have been doing this serious training thing for 6 MONTHS.  Prior to July, I was running inconsistent mileage, I did zero speed work, I was sleeping 4 - 6 hours per night, I was unhappy, and running wasn’t my priority.  Success is not linear, but work is cumulative.  Everything I have done since July is not erased.  This is the most consistent training I have ever done.  Most people do not see the immediate improvements that I have seen.  I am not injured.  I am not angry at running.  I am not angry at myself.  I am not wondering why I am here.  I am not burned out.  I am lucky.  

Stage 8:  Looking Ahead I wish I could say my track schedule was finalized.  It turns out this is a whole other series of stages in itself.  

The first stage is excitement, where I felt like the world was my oval shaped oyster.  Instead, I now understand why people stick to the roads...not only is it hard to make a track schedule, but it is hard to get into meets! 

The second stage is frustration.  IF the race you are looking at accepts unattached athletes (many races do not), you typically need to have a track time from the past year.  I do not have any track times because I have not run on a track since 2011, and none of the times I ran in college would get me into any of the races I want to run today, anyway.  It’s like applying for a job right out of college and being told you need experience.  This feels like a never ending cycle.  

After talking with my coach, I put together a tentative schedule of the following:

Carlsbad 5k Gibson Invite (Indiana State) 1500 Mt. Sac or Beach Invitational 5k Payton Jordan 10k

Carlsbad was going to serve as a good confidence booster before getting onto the track.  If you’re not familiar, Carlsbad is a crazy fast road race where something like 16 of the last 18 world records have been run.  My goal for early April is 16:20, which makes me a little too slow for the elite field, but too fast for the citizen’s race.  So, that one’s out.  

Instead, I am waiting to hear back from the elite coordinator at Shamrock Shuffle, and am hoping it works out for me to race there.  Chicago weather in early April isn’t exactly predictable, but my only other option (that I can think of) is Raleigh Relays, and I think I would gain more confidence from a road race rust buster than being thrown into a fast track race right off the bat (plus, I would like the extra week of training). 

Gibson is out, since it’s a scored meet and is not accepting unattached athletes (anyone know of another local race I could jump into that weekend?)

I am hoping I don’t have issues getting into the following two races I have listed, especially Payton Jordan, because I would like that to be my 10k trials attempt.  

The stage I am at right now is cautious optimism.  I am excited to take a break from marathons.  I did not realize it at the time, but the grind was starting to get to me.  October 2014, May 2015, October 2015, and February 2016, all of them under 2:50:00, was a lot...especially considering those are the only 4 road marathons I have done!

I am dropping my mileage a lot for this next phase.  I have a HUGE base, and I’m really excited to see where that takes me when I incorporate some true speed.  I am starting good habits early.  My goal this week was to be more vigilant about the little things.  This week I have been good about yoga, foam rolling, strides, form drills, core, and weight lifting.  These are especially necessary for me when I am training for track. 

I am excited for this new adventure.  I am that person who is always chasing her next high, and I have found that even just thinking about the track gives me a nervous jitteriness that makes it clear to me I have chosen the right path.  

[circle2dot2]

Here's a special #sneakpeek at a performance you'll see at one of three of our #10kOrBust fundraisers! @soroyar @copper_unicorn are serving up some serious #Diamonds. #ShineBrightLikeADiamond #10kOrBustCCdd #sanDiego #theatre #music #SdTheatre