June 11th, 2016: I wish I had seen your smile
[M is short for the person’s name. The person mentioned here is a few years older than me and we have a weird connection, not really a relationship. I’m not sure myself what kind of connection it is. ]
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We had visitors at our home, most of them friends of my parents. The men were sitting in the living room and the women in the kitchen. We served food and drinks, everything was full of talking and laughter. Once I was in the kitchen one of the women, who was sitting close to the window, asked me to give her a knife. Itook them out of the cupboard and wanted to hand them over, but in the same moment I handed those knifes over something caught my eye from outside the kitchen window and I almost pocked that woman. This woman told me to be careful, so I wouldn’t hurt anyone.
Outside there was rather someone than something that caught my eye. It was M arriving with his car. His car was a drak black Mercedes Benz. He and his family came with two cars . One was the black Mercedes mentioned and the other was just any car his father was driving with his other younger son next to him and his wife in the back. They took out their bags and came inside through the entrance to the stairs. Without any proper reason I went to my room, I think it was because I needed something. Unfortunately there were people in my room aswell, so I couldn’t get what I was looking for. I turned to the door to get back to the kitchen, but I was already too late. M and his family were standing in our corridor greeting my dad, who was telling them to come inside.
I watched them through the small gap between the doorframe and the door itself. They said hello and kissed each other on the cheek. M did aswell.
M wore dark blue denim jeans and a dark jacket that’s what I could make out by seeing him from the back. His hair was as usual: black and combed back. He looked casually and good.As I saw him smiling my heart beat rose I wasn’t sure why but it made me glad seeing him like that. Although I felt that he wasn’t at ease, I could even see it a bit, because his shoulders were tense. In my mind I was having a conversation that I was glad I had cleaned up the house in the morning. It would’ve been embarissing with them coming so suddenly and our house not being clean. I went on to the kitchen and for that I had to cross the second corridor which was connected to the living room. While I crossed the corridor I peeped into the living room and saw M. He was sitting on a chair, close to the wall. He was playing with his car keys and looked up as he recognized my gaze. I smiled shyly and went on without seeing his reaction to my smile. But somehow I was sure he was smiling back, because I’ve seen his lips turn up. Still I was disappointed I haven’t seen his whole smile.
