#kkum

[hersadexistence]

Dream, Shin Sang-ok, 1955

[kkum-dreams]

January 01st, 2017: A new year's dream

Deep, deep in a Forrest I stood by a deep lake. I stepped inside and went deeper as I realized there was someone watching me. I shook my head and went further knowing it was too deep for me already since I couldn't swim at all. But I was wrong with stepping back as well because my feet got swept away and I fell into the depth of the lake which was rather a sea. This person that was observing me jumped in and tried to save me.

My mind was twisted, I didn't know if I should let him save me or just leave me the way I was. While having these thoughts I also was afraid of the depth of the sea.

So I just fell deeper and deeper into the blackness.

The next thing I remember is being pulled out of the water. I was at the other side of the sea. My savior was the person that had observed me earlier. He stood a few feet away with three other people, talking and looking strangely at me.

"She's not one of us, we can't help her" one of them said.

"But she looks and behaves like one of you. Plus she needs help.. She nearly drowned!" my savior was mad because of their silly behavior. He came to me and took my chin in his hand and turned my face to these people so they'd look at me.

I saw that these people were wearing traditional Korean clothes. That's why their language sounded so familiar. They nodded as a reply to take care of me.

[kkum-dreams]

December 29th , 2015 : I don’t know you, do I?

I came from the bank and saw four people standing a little confused around the corner to my house. I was thinking that they would be searching for the entrence of our appartment building (it’s a little hidden and is hard to find it for strangers)

“Are you searching for 42? Then just follow me, I’ll show!” To my suprise only one of them followed me. We went to the apartment building and showed him the information on the wall with all the names and numbers of the dwellers.

“Thanks” said this person (B). For a little moment we looked into each others eyes and suddenly I got an weird feeling. The feeling you get when you know you’re going to miss someone. 

“I don’t know you, do I?” I asked him, not sure if it was a question to him or to myself. 

He laughed and my heart skiped a beat. “ No, you don’t know me.” 

I nodded at that and went up to my appartment. One thing I didn’t heard was how he added: “ But I know you”

Arriving at home I found my parents infront of the window in the kitchen. They had opened the window and talked to B, I figured out.

“ There is this boy outside. And he’s asking for you…Care to explain?” , my father asked carefully. I started to panic a little bit, since I didn’t know him. I thought maybe I have known him, just didn’t recognized him? But that would be impossible.

“I don’t know that person, I’m not goibg down!”

“ Stop fooling around, go down and call him up”, and so I did I went down  and greeted him. He went inside and sat in our living room next to dad and mom . I went to the kitchen once more to make some coffee.

After we drank some coffee together my parents said that they would leave because of some buissness. So we were left alone again.

“Why didn’t you tell me you came because of me?” , I confronted him.

“Well, would you have shown me the way to your house if I did?”, he asked in return. And in this point he was right, I wouldn’t have shown him the way to the appartment building. 

“So? Would that be a problem?” I sassed back and started cleaning. In the kitchen, what seemed like the favorite place today. I started cleaning and washing.

Suddenly I felt someone stepping beside me. So close, no one else has been this close to me. I sighed and turned around. 

“What is it?” I looked down. I didn’t dare to look into his eyes.I was afraid of all the emotion I would find there.

“Nothing. I just thought it would be better using the quality time we have now, since it doesn’t happen that often.”, I blushed at that.

With a little pause ahead I asked in a low voice : “ Why didn’t you tell me?”

He came a little closer and touched my hair lightly. “ Tell you what, babe?”

________________________________________________________________

“You know what, stop playing with me” I complained. “ let’s go back to the living room” , I took his hand and pulled him with me. 

In the living room I pushed him down to the sofa, so he would sit. But he was still holding my hand tight, he pulled me on his lap and made me sit comfortably . I felt my cheeks heat up. He knew it would happen, so B chuckled. His chest vibrating with every sound he made.

“You know I get weak when you are like this”

“what do you mean?” , I whispered. Damn, why was I so shy around him?

“Blushing, being shy. It’s different from the usual I get to see from you” , with his words I somehow relaxed a bit and gave in into his arms. B is a magician, he has manipulated my parents and me aswell. Still I can’t seem to let go of him, why was he like this with me ?

“ Stop manipulating me, that’s mean. And where did you sent my parents, you creep.” , I mumbled into his chest. Why does this feel so right?

“ Well, I’m not manipulating you, babe. Well, I made a present to your parents. They are out having dinner, your siblings at school. I’m innocent …this time”

Liar, the voice in your head shouted.

“I’m not  lying. Look at my wrist” , he wanted to prove me. I believed him. Anyways I took a look at his wrist.  A bracelet, making him tell the truth.

“You can stand up and leave, I’m not forcing you to sit on my lap.” He was right, if I wanted to leave I could’ve done it. 

I shifted and moved so I would face him. His expression was in shock. I raised an eyebrow questioning. i just watched him for a few seconds as I moved closer until I hugged him tight. Just as tight as I could. He is driving me mad.

“ You little freak! You scared me, idiot. How dare you do such a thing?!” , he scream whispered. With my face in his neck, I smiled to his fastend heart beat. Who would know it took so little to suprise a great magician?

 B hugged me back, but even tighter. “ I thought you wanted to leave, you scared me like hell. Not that I’ve been scared from hell, you know I’ve been there and it’s pretty boring..”

“ Would you shut it?”

“Sassy…..” “Said the magician who was afraid because I wanted to stand up”

“ That’s it, I’m leaving” , he said and made attempts to get up. I used my legs and pulled them around his waist. This action got us a lot closer, actually closer than intended. His lips just a few millimeters away from mine. Now he was smiling.

“ Say it and I’ll stay.” , I looked up into his eyes. He was honest. Every reason I wanted to have , the list I made to say no to him had disappeared. His grin made my heart melt and I knew I had fallen too deep already.

“I’ll better show you” , with this I kissed him. A very short and innocent kiss.It would have been, but it’s B. When I wanted to back up, he pulled me in and deepened the kiss. We laughed, this time togher.   

[kkum-dreams]

June 23rd, 2015 : Something broke my heart

And there I stood. Next to you. You looked like an angel, all in white. Your clothes building a total contrast to your dark black hair and eyebrows. Dark like the forest. Your eyes light grey. Light grey like the morning fog around the forest.

You didn’t fit to any of these people standing around us.

Behind us the ones in white and dark blue and green eyes and brown hair, on the right the ones in black with light yellow, grey and blue eyes and blond hair, on the left the ones grey but total black hair and purple eyes.

It seemed like you united these groups, without anyone noticing. But I did notice. And I felt this feeling again, when I first saw you.

“Do you remember something? Or do you by any chance recognize someone?”

I asked, turning your attention to me. You looked at me…somewhat desperately.

You shook your head and looked at the ground. “I can’t stand seeing you sad” I thought as I came close to you and placed my hand on your shoulder and one on your cheek.

“It’s alrigt. It’s fine, don’t worry..”

You looked up as you heard my voice. I looked into your eyes. The most beautiful I’ve seen ever seen. I wanted to give you the same security you gave me.

I try to smile at you. But I fail, instead I cry.

“I’m sorry” you said and left. I watched you as you walked toward that tall building.

I stood there and watched you leave.

The groups left,one after another.

I stood here. Not able to think about anything but you.

You.

Something just broke my heart. Seeing you like that. Or not being able to help you.

Maybe it was both.

[kkum-dreams]

June 10th, 2015: Japanese characters and nice sweaters

I was in an unknown and dark room. All I could see was a door, so I opened it. Behind the door there were stairs, I followed them down until the end of them. 

I went into a room and saw a person standing in front of a window looking down. 

[B is just short for the boy mentioned below.]

It was B standing there watching the snow. His upper body wasn’t covered so I saw all the runes and japanese characters on his shoulder and arms. As he recognized that I came into the room he pulled a warm, black sweater on. B pushed the sleeves back.

“ Come here, let’s watch the snow.” he said and hold me close. But all I could do was stare at his tattoos on his arms. B realized my stare and smiled weakly.

“You had same on your shoulder, too.May I see them? “ I asked in a quiet voice.

B sighed and put his sweater off and came closer so I could look at the tattoos properly. “ It’s fine, you can  touch them.” he whispered and took my hand. 

So I did. I placed my index finger over the first japanese charakter. The character for love. I knew that because I’ve seen it before. He had drawn them in his sketchbook. The black sketchbook, he would always use for drawings or writings. B leaves it everywhere openly but I never look at it since it would hurt his privacy.

I went on with the next tattoo, it was a rune. 

“What does this rune mean?” I asked, as I followed the pattern of the rune.

He hesitates before he answered. “ You use that rune for broken people. For the one who felt loss and sorrow. Doesn’t matter which kind it was”

I saw how his body shivered. Maybe it was because of me touching his naked skin, or because of the cold weather, or because of the memory I had caused.

[The next thing I remember:]

I woke up in the same room as the beginning. But this time I was wearing B’s sweater. It sure was compfortable. 

[learning-k0rean]

꿈

[kkum]

(noun) dream · goal, wish · vain hope

[enamusic]

(꿈 Kkum)

[btselizarmy]

Enjoying korean food.. #Kkum 😋 https://www.instagram.com/p/CLcL7EXsVVP/?igshid=ybbkcxwa603t