#11.19.24

[theworldislowkeycool]

sunset @ sunset cliffs

nov 19 2024

[starrynet]

it's important to me that everyone sees will smith jumping when he does well at bubble hockey

[edo-vivendum]

I don't know why it's so devastating to me for him to need space, but it hurts. I wanna be shown care. I want him to see me crying and naturally want to fix it. And it makes it so much harder when I feel like he's not justified in being upset. I know it's not for me to decide whether he's upset or not, but if it's not logical it's just so hard to accept.

He's cooking for me now. Which is his way of showing he cares. But I wish he'd talk to me. I want an apology. I want a hug. I want to matter.

I texted my mom and a friend. Two people who will sympathize with me and not immediately be angry with him. But nobody responded. So I'm alone.

I want to approach him, but if he's still mad that will make things worse. I should respect his desire for space. It's just so hard when my own needs conflict with his.

[starrynet]

(a moment after this bubble hockey game) Tyler Toffoli: "Mack came out on top. Looks like BU wins again." Mack: "Yeah. You're wearing my tarp." Will: [laughs]

[edo-vivendum]

Tell me how it makes sense to joke at someone else's expense and then take it personally when they don't respond in a playful manner. Now hes taking space to calm down because he's so rejected feeling. But he hurt my feelings to begin with!!! But what do I matter if he's feeling hurt, I must be in the wrong. I'm 100% confident that he'll apologize for this but it's so stupid and outlandish that I have to go through this.

We disagreed about the color of an object and he starts making fun of my color perception and telling me I'm doubling down even though I'm wrong. I'm still confident I'm right and he's making me feel stupid and disrespected so I start getting a little bit defensive and all of a sudden he's upset because I rejected him.

What on earth? I don't get it. I can sympathize with being rejected, but this is ridiculous. Why do my feelings matter so little but all our evening plans are on hold for his? How is that fair?

Yet again, I'm not looking for hate on this man. He's shit at dealing with emotions and I'm shit at giving him space but he's not abusive in the slightest and the vast majority of the time he's great. I'm just trying to vent and I don't want to defend him to strangers on the internet when I'm upset with him.

[purenumbers]

11/19/24

1 + 1 + 1 = 9 - 2 - 4

Also:

1 * 1 * 1 * (√9)! = 2 + 4

Also:

1 + 1 + 1 + 3 = 2 + 4

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Briana followed this account | November 19, 2023