#11.24.24

[theworldislowkeycool]

three rivers in sequoia national park ca

nov 24 2024

[deemmzee]

[i-shall-believe]

[edo-vivendum]

I just want to feel better and loved. And the only way I know how to do that is with attention from S. And I'm not getting attention. So I feel trapped in feeling like shit until I either exhaust myself with crying or S caves and gives me attention. But he's not going to cave, cause I'm respecting his boundary and he has headphones in so he can't hear me sobbing. So it's just me by myself indefinitely and I'm so overwhelmed. He asked me to deal with my own emotions. Which is perfectly reasonable but not something I'm actually capable of.

[edo-vivendum]

S is mad at me because I didn't do the dishes on like Tuesday. He feels like I'm not supporting him and not considering him. He wants me to leave him alone the rest of the day. That was his condition for giving me a hug.

He lied to me. He said he wasn't upset at me and that he was just busy and now it feels malicious that he didn't give me attention earlier when I needed it. I still so desperately want attention. I feel like shit emotionally and physically. My classes are coming to a close and I still have a lot left to do and zero motivation to do it. I don't want to work on school work. I don't want to be alone. I'm so fucking miserable. I just want to be held. I want everything to be okay.

[kontadodju]

Current JJBA parts and MC rankings*

Parts:

Jojolion

Diamond is Unbreakable

Stone Ocean

Phantom Blood

The Jojolands

Stardust Crusaders

Vento Aureo

Battle Tendency

Steel Ball Run

MCs:

Josuk8

Jolyne / Josuke (I like them the exact same but for different reasons 😭)

Jodio

Jonathan

Joseph

Jotaro

Giorno

Johnny

*So these lists specifically are as of:

Having seen the anime for parts 1-5 when I was 17, having seen part 6 anime fairly recently, having read all of part 7 and 8, and currently reading but not caught up with part 9

My plan is that i want to first catch up with part 9 (cuz i stopped in the middle of reading a chapter (not color pages unfortunately 😭) like last month), then rewatch all the anime with parts 1-3 in sub and 4-6 in dub because before i did it the other way, and then read the phantom blood universe parts of the manga - and maybe reread the sbr-universe parts again after?

Then I’m gonna see if my rankings have changed after I’ve done that - and maybe I’ll throw in demonic heartbreak and purple haze feedback too - or even thus spoke (anime not live action), the louvre movie (can’t find the manga in English), and the diu live action movie idk

[purenumbers]

11/24/24

1 * 1 * 24 = 24

Also:

1 * (12 / 4)! = 2 + 4

Also:

[(1 + 1) * 2] + 4 = 2 * 4

[edo-vivendum]

I feel like shit and I want attention but S is too busy.