#11w4d

[blackkatskauldron]

I cannot wait for the day I can have soft cheese again

[wenevergotusedtoegypt]

Thursday, January 27, 2022

B”H B”H B”H we had the ultrasound today and everything is looking good KA”H! Baby’s hand looked like it was waving. It’s measuring on track with my default due date, so we’re going with that one now even though I know that my cycle would’ve been longer than 28 days. Which means that I’ll already be 12 weeks on Sunday!

Technically we were planning to tell immediate family around 12 weeks, but I’m feeling a bit weird about it. Shortly before I got pregnant, I got a few comments from my mom that made it evident she didn’t think it was a good time for me to be pregnant (mind you, she had no idea whatsoever what our plans were in that regard upon saying these things). I know she had only good intentions, and I know she’ll be happy when she hears about the baby even if she remains concerned about the timing, but it kind of sucked the joy out of the idea of telling her about the pregnancy. That said, if not at 12 weeks then I don’t really  know when, if ever, those feelings might change for me. And since both our parents were already planning to travel in for my son’s upshernish in September, it’s probably better they know sooner rather than later that there’ll also be a new baby in mid-August IY”H. Oh, and since my MIL started shopping for my son’s birthday already 8 months in advance, she should probably get a heads up not to spend her entire gift budget on him. 🤦🏻‍♀️

The other factor is that since neither set of parents has a visit planned anytime soon, the only person we have the opportunity to tell in person (unless we wait indefinitely to tell people) is my sister. She already has plans to visit us this Sunday (which we can’t push off because she’s coming davka to babysit while my husband and I check out a school open house), which means based on past precedent she probably won’t come again until I’m 14-15 weeks or so. And I don’t want to tell her virtually when she’s literally in the same city. Meaning it’s kind of now or not for a while at this point, and I’m not really feeling now but I’m also not into the idea of having the timing dependent on whenever she next decides to visit (of course, from her perspective, having no particular hurry to do so). :/

[dungeonsndiapers]

11w4d

Sick and tired. Tired all the fucking time. I’m looking forward to getting out of the 1st trimester. However I think some of my fatigue might be attributed to the depression I’ve been feeling.

I’m struggling right now. Liam’s due date is in 3 days and every quiet moment I have I think about how he could have been here by now, in my arms and alive. Kennedy’s birthday was yesterday and I struggled, I held it together for my little girl, but it’s so hard. It’s hard looking back at the moments leading up to and after her birth at the excitement and joy we felt. Then remembering how different his birth was. And then I keep thinking it will happen again with this pregnancy. I know it’s not healthy thinking, but I can’t help it. It’s really difficult to feel connected when I’m basically keeping the baby at an arms length. Like even though we know their sex we don’t call them by their name. I just don’t know how to survive another loss.

I miss my son.

[ravenclaw-momma]

I keep forgetting that I'm pregnant. It's really strange; it still doesn't feel real. I nearly bought a bottle of wine the other day before I realized.

I have an ultrasound in 2 weeks, & then we're finding out the gender a week after that. So maybe that'll make it feel like it's really happening?

[igeekoutalot]

Found a super cute evenflo car seat on sale today for only $35. Bought it. 😅

[justawanderinglostsoul]

Hubby and I decided on names back before we even knew I was pregnant, before we were even trying actually. But now that I'm actually pregnant, I'm not sure if I still love those names. 😒 Why is picking a name for your baby so hard?!

[onlyashwee]

I don't know how to deal with the worries in my head about pregnancy that are pure vanity. I used to be a pretty big girl - enough so that people always comment from high school how much weight I lost. And now I'm pregnant. And yeah I lost a lot of weight but my starting pregnancy weight was still me in the slight overweight range. And I only feel better when I eat. I don't want to get huge. I want to gain a healthy amount of weight and be relatively back to myself after baby. Maybe even get myself to better with a new little one in our lives. I just worry so much about being that girl. The one who couldn't keep off the weight. I want my husband to still find me attractive and I want to like myself in the mirror.

[shauniegn]

I'm actually feeling human today! Really hope I stay this way. Slept like crap as usual but I can cope with crap sleep if I'm not feeling sick and hungry.