#12.3.22

[elceeu2morrow]

via Charlie Lightening IG story [12.3.22]

[thefakejeffreyazoff]

Jeffrey filming Harry as he celebrates Argentina’s win in the World Cup via trianapaniagua

[joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

actually glad Magireco s3 is 4 eps and dropping all at once because that means when it comes out I will have a fucking field day

[joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

yk sidenote like, I have been replaying Xenoblade 1 like I said I wanted to and all. And like, I’ve kinda come to think of this game in a very specific and sentimental way. That being, the game came out just 2 days after I fell out with my at-the-time best friend of like 5 years or so, and a big part of why I preordered the game is because they really wanted me to play it since it was I believe literally their favourite game of all time. So I’ve kinda started to think of Xenoblade as the last thing that friend gave me, in a sense?

And maybe that’s not entirely fair of me tbh, it was the friend that cut all ties with me rather than the other way around, so perhaps they wouldn’t want me thinking of this game in that way. But then at the same time they did want me to play it and got me to preorder it and all, so it’s not completely unrealistic or anything for me to think of it that way. 

Now, it is also kind of literally wrong for me to think of the game like that. I had bought and played Xenoblade X before I was really friends with this person, bought Xenoblade 2 near release out of my own interest (though barely played it), and even through Shulk in Smash + friend letting me borrow the game on Wii (I also didn’t get very far) I definitely had some amount of Xenoblade history before Definitive Edition and all. I’m fairly certain I would’ve bought DE regardless of this friend’s involvement. 

But then at the same time like, idk. It’s definitely because of DE that I got as into Xenoblade as I did, going back and giving 2 a fairer shot, replaying X, losing my fucking mind when 3 got announced and all. And old friend still was a large motivation for me to get DE to begin with.

I do think giving the game this added bit of sentimentality does help me in a sense - I get to view the game with just a little bit more fondness, and I think it helps cope with that friendship ending when I imagine Xenoblade being this final sendoff present that came from it. Again maybe that’s not fair of me, maybe the friend would be pissed off and mad if they read this, but like, I guess it’s hard for me to care? The love I’ve gained for this series and the fact that it helped me move on with what happened, that’s not really an experience I want to forget or downplay.

I don’t really have a conclusion beyond that even tbh, Xenoblade’s just become important to me. And for me, that’s nice.

[uitwaaiien]

I fell in love with a person that died 5 years ago. I’m just now learning that all you were, was a dream. Dream turned nightmare. I am forgiving myself slowly for learning a little late. But it has all made me into the woman I am.

It is an honor for me to be her

[romantic-reveries]

Well, he’s real.

And he’s… wow. If I felt like he wasn’t verbally validating before, if I was unsure about the full scope of his feelings, I’m not now.

We video chatted for seven hours, and a lot of that we just spent staring at each other, which I thought would be weird but was fucking… transformative.

It was nervous, at first. I was shy. He talked about being bad at eye contact, except he isn’t at all. Only when he’s talking, which is different, because he’s looking away to process. If he looked at me too long, I got flustered and giggly and had to look away, but I sort of unfurled for him, which is… not new, with him. He’s unfurling me in all sorts of ways. Unraveling me.

I thought we’d be on for an hour or so at most. Neither of us are normally video chat people, and I figured we’d talk a bit, see each other, then switch to voice chat.

But he didn’t want to go. He just kept telling me that he just liked looking at my face. How cute I was. How attractive. How much he liked my smile. The only reason we did end up hanging up was because I said I had to get stuff done early tomorrow so I probably needed to sleep. “If I’d known that, I’d have said we needed to go to bed way earlier,” He told me. The thing that tipped his decision was care for me.

I just… god. I kept thinking he was holding back. I still think he is, and I won’t get it all until we’re physically together, but the intensity in his face today when he looked at me… fuck. Sometimes it was this tender thing—he looked at me like he adored me. Like he couldn’t get enough of me. Other times it had a hungry edge, like he wanted to devour every inch of me. I’ve never been looked at the way he looked at me. Like I was both a question and the answer. Like I was everything.

And from the sounds of it, it’s never been this way for him. He seems continually surprised by it. By the fact that he likes just being on the phone with me, even if we aren’t talking. That he liked sitting on video chat with me for so long, and even if we weren’t talking, he didn’t want to go.

And I’m getting it now that my fear that I couldn’t feel this way anymore was unfounded. I just don’t rush headlong the way I used to. I have actual standards. I feel this way for him because he’s earned it and cultivated it. He’s gentle and consistent, he communicates well, he understands boundaries, he’s so incredibly healthy, and he’s helping me learn how to be healthy like that too in the scope of a relationship, even if we aren’t in one—yet?

I’m just really, really excited to see him in two weeks.

[purenumbers]

12/3/22

(1 + 2) / 3 = 2 / 2 Also:

|1 - 2| = |3 - 2 - 2|

Also:

12 / 3 = 2 + 2

[fratboyhongjoong]

How hard do you have to work to be loved

You have to find the relationship,

Then build it

And build it

It's not work if it's fun, say they

But when does grinding become grinding,

Shared experiences for more experience

When can you say you are loved

And let it stand

How much work

And maintenance

And balancing text conversations

Becomes love. If I think in this way.

Do I lose points?