Internal
You take off my shirt and reveal my scars
Not physical, though they might as well be
As much as they’re showing now
I instinctively cross my arms, protecting myself
From what, I’m not exactly sure
I’m just used to the silent judgment
The poorly concealed disappointment
When he remembered I wasn’t the girls on Instagram
The ones he endlessly scrolled through
Claiming they were just friends
And that he wasn’t just looking at their bodies
His face was convincing
But his eyes betrayed him every time
And told me I wasn’t enough for him
And never would be
In body or soul
My mom said if a scar lasts for a year
It will be there forever
It’s been a year since he finished making these scars
And even though it doesn’t hurt to touch them
I see them almost every day
If I look in the mirror for too long they’re there
Reminding me of all of those bad decisions
Second chances I gave too freely
Lies I believed too willingly
Pieces of my heart held too loosely by both of us
I’ll have these forever
And they’re not pretty
You see my hesitation and ask what’s wrong
I hate showing my weakness but you deserve to know
Please know it’s not your fault
If I could hide them entirely I would
So I could be beautiful like you deserve
But I can’t, and you asked for this
So I tell you everything
One by one I show you the scars
By the time I’m done there’s barely anything
Untouched by past suffering
I expect you to politely excuse yourself
Gracefully exit and run as far away as you can
But you don’t
One by one you caress each scar
Starting the healing with a kiss
And tell me I’m beautiful with the scars
Because of them, even
You see who I am inside and pull me closer
One day these scars will fade
Faster with the constant care you give them
You show me how to love myself like you love me
And unwrap the bandages binding my heart
