“All the Gods, all the heavens, all the hells, are within you.”
I saw the film last night and I will preface this by saying I liked it, but not because of the action, or the cinematography or anything superficial.
I liked it because it spoke to the Myth of the Secret Soldier and how powerful and hollow it is in the hearts and minds of many, very much including myself.
When I was growing up, I always dreamed of being a knight in shinning armor, fighting evil wherever it reeled its head. The desire to do right, and to help shaped my childhood in a way that, even now still resonates in both my aspirations and my professional career goals. Those aspirations came from a feeling of needing to feel ready, for everything, to have a plan of action, to never be without direction to tackle problems. These things changed as I lost my first true friend in 2004 in a car wreck, and after finding him face down in a ditch, instead of letting despair overtake me, I crawled out and got help. 12 years later, I’m on an ambulance pulling other people’s friends, their sons, their brothers out of ditches.
I came to the knowledge of Pararescuemen only a few years ago, ‘Guardian Angels.’ If you go down, anywhere, any place, any time, they’ll come get you. During my time in college I got into warhammer 40k, which has a sect of characters known as Grey Knights. Grey knights were extremely rare humans who through shear force of will and determination were charged with the sole duty of protecting the spirit of humanity itself against evil. These two ideas, PJs and Grey knights for me intertwined. PJs being the real counterpart to Grey Knights.
“A violent fate, a hidden war, such is the future of all who answer the call.”
And as John Krasinski’s character in 13 hrs put it near the end of the story, a lot of the guys who sign up for Special Operations, realize sooner or later that family is more important than the Myth of the Sheepdog as put forth in American Sniper.
It’s a strong myth, the idea that there are conflicts fought for the sake of humanity, that few know are happening, and fewer can fight, and fewer still are willing to make the sacrifices to win those conflicts.
I spent 2 years of my life figuring out of going into the Pararescue Pipeline was for me, and after having some time to sit and talk to some Military Assets in a Remote Wilderness Training camp, as well as talk to a few in person, the resounding conclusion I came to was that no one stays on the teams forever, in fact that isn’t the ultimate goal. Everyone is looking for something else, the myth isn’t strong enough to stand up to the reality of Endless training, of estrangement from one’s family, from the low pay, from the constant threat of death and disfigurement all so conflicts no one knows about can be postponed or pacified and instead of a tale of valor told about your actions, you might in the official public record die in a ‘Parachuting accident’, dying in a place, at a time, with people, on a mission that didn’t exist.
John Krasinski and Tyrone 'Rone' Woods have a chance during one of the lulls in the film to talk about how the thing that drew them to the life of a secret warrior is gone now. The Myth has been muted, the fantasy has faded, what is left is the realization that they have a certain set of skills, that they work well with other likeminded individuals, and that there’s still enough Patriotism to mount up and fight the battles they can fight. Good and evil, life and death, they try to ‘keep the wolf from the door’ and then it’ll be someone else’s turn.
The film was good, but it made it clear to me, along with everything else I’ve seen and heard, and learned, that it’s good I didn’t enlist. That the time for me to have done that has passed, and that different pursuits are for me.
