#18.01.2023

[liam-93-productions]

Liam recently in London (x) - 18.01

[hosgeldinhuzun]

Biz burdayız hâlâ 😁 ♥️💙

[nocte-litteris]

Lo más triste de mi vida es cuando el miedo se apodera de mí y me impide disfrutar de esos pequeños momentos de alegría que suceden en mi día a día.

𝕶𝖚𝖗𝖆𝖎𝕯𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖍

[animasmusicdiary]

[hfhrdnt]

Ma... yang tenang ya. Sudah jangan bersedih, memang sudah begini jalannya.

Ma... yang bahagia di sana. Besok aku akan ke rumah mama. Biar semua orang lupa, aku akan tetap datang berdoa.

Ma... aku sayang mama.

[hfhrdnt]

Kenapa kita yakin pada masa depan padahal mereka samar pun tidak kelihatan

[diaryofanaverageunicorn]

Exam day.

Day 3

Alright, I got a 7. That's around 72%? I dunno, the Danish system is weird, but it's like, it's an alright grade. I expected exactly that, a 7. The project was a mess from the start and even though we all had great ideas, we were just pulling in too many different directions and tackling too many things without a clear goal.

I overestimated myself twice. I don't mean it in a bad way. I mean it in a realistic way. In a way that would translate to me being gentle with myself.

I set out to do both yoga and Italian after the exam. Realistically, I can only do one of those after an exhausting day like today so putting both on my to-do list was just setting myself up for failure. I haven't done any Italian or yoga.

We schedule our work shifts a month in advance, which means that I scheduled my non-available days around mid-December. I did not schedule a rest day after today, so they ended up giving me a long shift tomorrow. Second overestimation. I absolutely should have thought about my social and mental exhaustion after difficult days and should have requested tomorrow off instead of hoping they would book someone else.

The lesson that we should all take from this Conscious Experience™: DO NOT OVERBOOK. EVER. And by overbooking, I mean the neurodivergent kind of overbooking. Because, yes, our neurotypical frens might do these things regularly but most of us who are struggling with a menty d, constantly ignore our own limitations (I ShouLd Be Able To dO iT. It'S ToteS FinE). Then, when we fail to perform up to the unreasonable standard that we set up for ourselves we feel like garbage. That's what I meant when I said "being gentle with myself". Setting yourself up for failure just because of some external or internal pressures is not worth it. I do not support all "f*ck it" culture, but here, it is absolutely necessary. Oh, and I forgot my contraceptive for the first time. I should seriously consider the implant option, with the amount of anxiety that "taking a pill every day at the same hour" gives me.

Wins of today, however, are — printed my Italian grammar textbook, got through the exam just fine, the project is finally over (I made it woopwoop), got myself the jellybeans I had been craving for two days, saw The Captain (fren), ran into the Head of Studies who did read my email, and Might be able to switch my Speech Workshop (from hell) to the one I actually wanted, wore my wig all day, with minimum discomfort (my natural hair is fine but a bob, and I want shapeshifting superpowers, you get it).

So, it has been a lomg day, with some hiccups, but I got through it alright. I'm not sure how tomorrow will be but I'm hoping for minimum anxiety and just brain smoothing activities. My paramour awaits!

Goodnight,

M.

[bekindtoyou4007]

Truly terrifying period today, driving to New work location and hit terrible conditions. Unbelievably thick ice, car got stuck on side of rural road and kind stranger had to help me. She said she could see how frightened I was. I really was scared, my car is small wheeled vehicle meant for urban driving and I hadn't realised how rugged the roads got on the way to this place. I also had a pretty unpleasant family related nightmare last night so started day off on bad foot. But stayed calm, asked for help, and managed to get to work unharmed and got back again okay, even if a little shaken up. I managed to breathe and concentrate through it. So much stuff is happening right now, my diary is so full of tasks to be done it feels tough to manage. I'm proud of myself for making so many meals at home to save money. I spent this morning cleaning the bathroom floors and walls before work so the house is in better shape. I'm proud of what I've been doing. When I got home I made Jambalaya with prawn and Chorizo. I got organised for my day tomorrow, which will be more familiar to me. I treated myself this evening to a bottom half Bath, using salicylic acid soap on my skin and a peppermint foot scrub on my feet, while I soaked my face in a cleansing face oil. I got in to clean pajamas afterwards and felt much calmer. I have the bed to myself this evening which is nice too because I can do meditation to sleep. I have taken good care of myself since verring home and set myself up for success tomorrow. Every day is a new day and a new opportunity.