#1999coffees

[1999coffees]

Tuesday, October 17th 2017

Feeling riled up about school right now, and getting that burning feeling of being determined to show everyone wrong. So this studyblr is making a comeback. I have a physics midterm to study for, and I WILL ace it.

[1999coffees]

#juststudyblrthings

wow. that person has amazing handwriting. do people like that even exist in real life??

*sees picture of notes on a topic i have studied* *aggressively zooms in to make sure they have their stuff correct*

*looks around, sees plant, white desk, pretty notes, coffee, anything aesthetic* ok how do i take nice pic w/out making myself look like a WEIRDO in public

hey maybe if i just try people’s tips i can draw artsy things too (sometimes works, sometimes it is utter disaster)

MY FAVOURITE STUDYBLR JUST REBLOGGED ME AND MY BEST FRIEND ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS MEANS THEY ARE STUDYBLR ROYALTY OK

i love stationery and notebooks and pencil cases and erasers

*sees someone post their grade* *is higher than mine* ://?/?////?////////?//////// sigh why am i dumb

*sees any planner or bujo spread ever* ://??/?//?/???////?/ sigh why don’t i have my life together

omg someone just reblogged me and tagged saying something cute and my heart

*when @academla posts anything* i love u

maybe one day i will start a studygram. and a studytube. maybe one day i will be a cool studyblr.

... i hope nobody will notice i stopped 100 days of productivity :)))

i am a studyblr failure. look at the state of my DESK

i just want everyone to succeed i can’t wait until everyone begins to succeed in what they are doing in life and be awesome and see their hard work pay off because they honestly so deserve it 

[1999coffees]

boy: hey what's up

me: hello i am stressed and maybe you are a nice boy but i literally cannot afford to be distracted by you rn i am trying to get my education sry

boy: o

[1999coffees]

Friday, February 3rd 2017

Woo! It’s been a while since I posted something. That’s kind of because it’s been a while since I’ve made any nice notes, haha, because I mainly only make them for bio, but I didn’t have time to make them for the last unit, so it’s been about 2.5 months since I’ve made nice notes. Wow.

I’m excited to get back into the grind, though. Every week is proving to be insanely busy with tests, mocks, labs, orals, and submitting our essays and whatnot to IB. Only 3 months of real grinding left, guys (not counting physics - but who counts physics). Amazing.

I have some ideas for more bloggy type posts that I want to write on here, and I’ve started writing them, I just feel so uncomfortable whenever I do. It feels weird blogging because I’m still not really used to it, but I hope it’ll get better as time passes. I’m hoping to get up a post about my calculus story soon, as well as an update about uni applications and that sort of thing. The update will probably be around next week when I get my grades. That’s on the Thursday. Jeez.

Fun fact: today my chemistry teacher wore a “Angelica, Eliza, & Peggy.” shirt and I was so happy. I was so happy. Also I kind of have been understanding the chemistry lessons as we go through them, which is also a similarly wild concept? Especially for organic chemistry?

Stay positive, my friends. It has true power.

[1999coffees]

I wanted to talk about this before but never felt that I worded it quite right, but today I was watching Alexa Losey’s video on her time in a mental hospital, and I felt compelled to share my story too. Trigger warning: I talk about suicide.

The other day on the way to school my mom mentioned that she couldn’t believe it was already February and that I’m graduating high school in 4 months. She’s mentioned this before, as have many of my fellow seniors, but for some reason this got me really thinking about how far I have come.

I entered grade nine feeling slightly broken. Grade eight left a scarring effect on me in which I tasted my first time with a long period of sadness. It’s something I haven’t thought in a while, but that time really traumatized me. I entered a high school without any of my closest friends with me, hoping for a fresh new start, as many do.

I had difficulty adjusting to high school. Well, my personality in general is just so that I don’t make new friends that easily. It’s taken me 3 years of high school to feel like I’ve found friends whom I trust and like and even just warm up to my classmates. That’s not to say I was cold to them before, but I always felt awkward and like I didn’t belong.

What struck me that morning was that throughout my journey in high school, I never thought I would actually graduate. This is not because of marks... this is because I always thought I would commit suicide at some point in my distant but not too far future. It was kind of like a thing at the back of my mind that just seemed certain, like oh one day I will kill myself.

But now it’s like this thing, like I am graduating. I’m 4 months away from graduating, for real. I’ve gotten strong in my years of high school. I’m still not happy with myself, to be honest with you guys, but my confidence has grown in leaps and bounds since that first day of freshman year. I’ve also learned what’s truly important to me and how hardworking I can be when I try.

I haven’t thought about suicide for 8 months now, which doesn’t seem that long but I’m proud of it. Scratch that, I’m really proud of my senior year. I’ve worked hard, I’ve made friends, I’ve focused on myself and my academics, and I haven’t had serious bouts of sadness. I’ve been able to do things I never thought I would be able to do.

Case in point: my schoolwork. I go through phases in feeling insecure about my grades then feeling proud of them, but I really am proud of them. I remember in grade 10 I was talking to my friend, studying for a science test together. He mentioned how his sister, in grade 12 at the time, had a 95 average. I was amazed. That was the kind of thing I could only dream of at that point. And now I have a higher average than that... like what??????? I never would have imagined that could be possible for me.

I guess my point is that you are stronger than you think, and the only thing you need to do is keep going. Keep going, and everything will work out in the end.

love & light <3

[1999coffees]

Thursday, January 26th 2017

ngl I’m feeling a little disheartened right now. University stress, of course. I really, really, really want to get into my top choice school. Going to be really sad if I don’t :( :( :( 

It’s just motivation for me to work harder though, I guess. I just have my essays to write - my grades for this report card are fine. asdfghjkl I’m stressed

[1999coffees]

3rd uni acceptance! OK technically it’s 4th - I got accepted to 2 programs at one school. I applied to 6. Waiting on two schools - one of which I’ve already been accepted to for one program. ... I really want to get in there haha

[1999coffees]

Sunday, January 15th 2017

I love quotes. Who doesn’t love quotes? I’ve always wanted to start a little quote collection, and where else to put it than my bullet journal. I’m quite picky about quotes I like, so the ones on this page are ones that really speak to me and I love them so much.

While writing this down I actually got a little sad because I was appreciating all the nuances and the tone of the quotes and the writing style and I thought to myself how sad it is because there is so much beautiful writing out there that I will never be able to fully understand because I don’t know the language well enough to. I told this to my father who responded by saying at least I know English well, which is a more common language than most. It’s a fair point, but it’s still sad.