#2-18-16

[victroiaa]

I had such a wonderful 25 birthday party. I seriously have the coolest friends

[365-thoughts-daily-blog]

I can't even escape you in my morning coffee... Every time I look at it all I see is your creamy hazel eyes. Maybe I should switch to black coffee instead.

49 of 366

[its123am]

2-18-16 (Thursday)

[skiessoundsoft-blog]

reading listening notes (4) 2/18

1. Shraya, Vivek. "We Want the Airwaves - Vivek Shraya." Interview by Nia King. Audio blog post. Nia King. Tumblr, 28 June 2015. Web. 18 Feb. 2016. 2. How do you cope with the emotional trauma of doing social activism on a daily/professional basis? Do you feel that because your social activism is making art that this is different from other kinds of social activism? Was there an option for you to not do this work? There are so many different queer POC people who do/are interesting things/people, how do you choose your interview subjects? 3. The interview with Vivek Shraya was incredibly fascinating and informative to me, there were a lot of really important points made that I really related to as a queer artist. One of the first things that they talked about was how POC queer artists are very rarely well documented, which I thought was a crucial idea, as some traditions do not include written history, rather oral histories that are passed down generationally. What does it mean to attempt to write a history while also considering who has access to the internet, where the history is stored? (About 40% of the global world). It also made me think about how insular queer artist communities can be, and what it feels like it results for me is that I feel very removed from knowing about/being connected to my own peers. The rest of the interview shifts in topic to largely discuss the issue of success, which is something that most people struggle with in late capitalism globalization, especially artists. The conversation reminded me of the belief that many people hold today, which is that artists should give out their work for free. Art is one of the most undervalued commodities, and POC queer artist’s work is valued even less than that of white males. At the end of the interview Vivek is thinking about Toni Amos and Sheryl Crow, who were both successful at age 35, after having worked at their careers for ten years, and muses that she did not even consider that brown success would be much different than white success. For me this interview was also practically applicable because it discussed in depth the differences between self-publishing and working through a publishing house.

[luckyleolion]

This guy I had a HUGE GIGANTIC crush on in middle school just friended me on facebook. So is my profile picture bomb or did he remember me? Either way it makes me happy because me and him were never friends. Never talked. Never had a single class together. We weren't even in the same grade. But I had the biggest crush on him like ever. Like when I saw him I would turn hellah red and giggle like crazy about nothing and my heart would race and id have trouble breathing. This girl who was a friend of mine knew I liked him a lot so she had printed pictures of him out for me and I kept them. I dont know what I did with them by I know for a good what I kept them hidden in my closet and sometimes in the middle of the night or random days I would go look at the pictures and start giggling and be all happy and nervous. I jus thought he was so cute.

[i-am-all-extremes]

Looking at Gigi Hadid and Zayn today and I was wondering, how did Zayn get over Perrie that fast? A 4 year relationship and you were engaged to her. These are the things I don’t understand nor do I think will ever. How do you go from being head over heels for someone and then break it off and get with someone a few months later and show her to the world?? And I think it’s annoying how he states that he will always love her forever and they’ll be friends. Like no, BS. I would hate you forever. This just isn’t about Zayn, it’s about people in general that can move on fast and get in a new relationship after a long committed one. I guess that’s just my view on it. I know there are opposing sides such as I fell in love with this new person and the heart wants what it wants. Who knows maybe I’ll be that person in the future, I don’t know. But from my view, I feel like I wouldn’t be. I would hate to be in that situation. Or be on the opposing side where the significant other moved on that fast. There are diff situations, I guess where it gets me is when it’s such a long relationship as in like more than a year or like 2,3,4,5 and so on years. Moving on is a process. Getting over someone you once loved is a process. I don’t know. These thoughts just came to my mind tonight and I had the need to type this out.

[luckyleolion]

I dont know...im jus scared to fully let go of him.

[luckyleolion]

Okay so I jus walked into my room for bed and I saw one of my bracelets on my bed and I was like "oh now i can finally put that pink bracelet with a butterfly charm in my memory box!" And then I stopped and realized something. That bracelet I got as a graduation present from ex taurus...and I have always worn it whenever it went with my outfits and i wore it when I went on a date with that one kid to fiesta texas and that one guy to the art museum and I wear it when I feel lonely. Or when i need luck. And i know I do. I always tell myself that thats not the case but I literally jus proved that when I thought what I did. Because although a few weeks after breaking up I had to put away mostly anything that he gave me or reminded me of him into the memory box I kept my bracelet and rose drawing out using the excuse that they at jus nice. Then finally I put the rose drawing up because people would come into my room and ask about it. But the bracelet I keep out. Using the excuse that its cute. But...no one ever comments on how it looks other than one or two people who have said its dirty. And i know it is. But i kept lying to myself saying its cute and in no way means anything towards me regarding him. But me thinking that I can finally put it away....that means it does remind me of him. So I picked it up jus now and was like okay I admit it. It does remind me of him. And I am meeting a new guy. But what if he doesnt work out...what if I miss taurus one of these days...what if I feel lonely? And I said that I will give it a little while longer. Because although I may think im over him now officially....I am pretty sure I have thought that multiple times in the past year and a half......but I think I have gotten over him a little more...and that should be a good thing. But I know how badly I like to hold on to the past...........