#2.24.19

[alltheselights]

Louis with Richard Green via adriana.abidin (combined) - February 24th, 2019

[honey-and-sting]

Sacred Existence

In my soul, I am walking like I am breathing dawn & the first blossom of spring. My footfalls are silent on the soft brown earth, careful not to leave a mark on this sanctuary, just as the treetops are cautious to touch.

I am silently holding my breath to listen to the ancient poetry of the mountain river, its beautiful murmuring water a language of its own.

The deep green forest is pure, peaceful, & wild & I am as an animal where the secret sacred  thing is spirit.

How sacred it is to exist.

[serenityinsabr]

I met her and she painted my whole world brighter.

On Friday I “officially” came out to my Sister whose kinda like a 2nd Mom to me. Like she’s definitely always knew, and she’s already met my girlfriend as well as my past girlfriends, but I just wanted her to officially know. And I’ve never had the urge to do that, but this time is different. I want everyone to know. I want to shout it from the rooftops. My Sister loves her and how she is with my niece and nephew. Ash is the light of my life and I don’t know how I got so lucky to have found her, but I’m so very grateful.

I asked her to the Ball my Law School has which is basically like Law School Prom and I can’t wait to go

[alltheselights]

Louis watching Richard Green perform - February 24th, 2019

[honey-and-sting]

Post-Assault (A Reflection)

Hope is a frightening thing & I am afraid,

afraid to trust & afraid of losing the hope of finding someone whom I will someday be able to trust.

I am afraid to hope for such happiness.

[rlymakesuthink]

february 24, 2019. 11:13 pm

there's so much to not be anxious about. you know? like, anxiety really kills the statistician in me, just a little bit. speaking broadly, so many things are going well at any given moment! and statistically, they will likely continue to go well!

and yet, here i am.

how does every interaction i have with s. end up making me feel like im an incredibly awkward person who just did something offensive?? today i said that it sucked that we couldn't turn in a letter to sign our lease renewal until we paid her back her security deposit, even tho she won't move out for like. 4 months. and she said there was no rush??? does she not grasp how stressful it is to not officially have a place to live for the next 12 months??

im just super over my living arrangement. i want my own room, i want to be able to have my freaking emotional support animal sleep in the same room as me, i want to not have the fridge or under the sink or my laundry cabinet randomly and completely illogically rearranged. s. is a nice person and not a bad roommate, but she has explicitly ignored things ive asked her not to do in the past, and just doesn't really seem like she fully grasps what living with other actually real human beings entails. im not really sure that she gets how to consider other peoples lives and feelings along with her own.

on top of all that, im absolutely terrified that she doesn't want to live here anymore because of something about about who i am as a person. insecurity and self-loathing ahoy!!

sometimes, i swear, if you looked inside my thoughts you'd think I was one of those self-flagellating monks from the dan brown books. every thing that goes wrong, every person who cuts me off in traffic, is another reason to despise myself and who i am as a person.

maybe someday I'll find something redeemable in myself. i hope so. but that day sure isn't gonna be today.

[yemarbl]

are you ever doing your homework and you get stuck on a question, but instead of trying to do your homework anyways you just get distracted for like 20 minutes? and then you’re like “oh i have homework” and then it happens again??? this is? such? an? issue? for? me??? ugh

[veggieveganrecipe]

Weekend Reading, 2.24.19

I’m keeping this weekend reading post short and sweet, mostly because my writing energies have been wrapped up in posts for NEDA week 2019, which begins tomorrow! It won’t be a regular week of recipe-sharing here on the blog, but rather a week in which I take some time to celebrate the recovery process, with all of its challenges and gifts. If you take interest in this topic, perhaps you’ll…

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