I felt like I was dying. I thought, as I lay there on the floor trying to steady my breathing, that I was going to die. It started with usual mood swings when I don’t take my medication and ended in an anxiety attack. I was at practice, more stressed out than usual due to the fact that I had to stay up extra late preparing for our team bake sale fundraiser the next day as well as studying for a French exam the next morning. All of practice I was angry. I remember starting the night fine then slowly getting more and more mad and for what reason? I can’t exactly say, it just happened.
I got landed on pretty hard during a stunt that’s been a little shaky lately and fell straight to my back with another human on top of me (hard to explain in non-cheer talk lol). I tried so hard not to cry; I didn’t want to make a big deal out of something that wasn’t. I paced my breathing like I’ve been told but that turned into gasping and blackness and hysteria. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t see anything. As the pace of my breathing picked up speed, I saw flashing bursts of light in complete darkness and I couldn’t make it stop. I couldn’t tell if anything hurt because I didn’t even know where I was anymore. Half of me wanted to be able to breathe again and leave the dark place I was in, but the other half of me wanted to stay and just stop breathing all together. I heard voices talking at me, telling me to slow my breathing and sit up. It took a little time for me to register what was going on, who was talking to me and what they were even saying.
I don’t remember who’s voice is was that snapped me out of it, but before it did, I felt close to staying in that dark place. I didn’t feel like leaving, it didn’t seem worth it. But someone said something that registered with me and suddenly the dark place was gone and I could open my eyes. I was breathing normally again and I could realize that it was just an anxiety attack.
The lesson I learned from this horrific event? Take my medication daily. I don’t want to have to experience that again.
