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Thank you everyone for finding and supporting me! May we all stay healthy this next year and have some positively eventful times!

#2022 reflection #2022 #retrospective #Happy New Year!

#this doesn't look how I wanted it to...#i still dunno if I like it #but here's my 2022 gallery #illustration #art #procreate #gallery #artist wrapped #2022 gallery #2022 reflection #2022 redraw

2022

Louis Year

353/365

It's almost the end of 2022. Good, bad, interesting... let's hope that the coming 2023 will only be better

#louis tomlinson #solo louis #louis edit #louis gif #2022 reflection #2022 chronicle

This year was the first time I actively participated in the Drarry fandom. I started this recommendation blog, and I wrote a handful of fics. 2022 had a lot of ups and downs, but all the fics I read brought so much happiness to my life.

Thank you to the wonderful writers, artists, fest mods, recommenders, and fellow fans out there. There is so much beauty and love out there, and I am grateful to have encountered it.

Below is a short list of fics that have a special home in my heart. (But, there are so many I love!!! You can also find all of my recommendations from this year here.)

Drarry Fic Short List (2022):

Vis-à-Vis-à-Vis by @vukovich (E, 50k)

Summary: Harry’s assignment was simple. Close out Draco Malfoy’s missing persons case so he can be declared dead. But who’s making withdrawals from Malfoy’s vaults? How is a death omen-turned-Unspeakable involved? Is an organization known as the Moirai to blame? Harry brushes it off until he can’t. Until The Prophet is flooded with sightings of dead people. Until Robards throws himself on his sword. Until Ron turns on his own family. Until Harry scarcely trusts his own reflection in the mirror and trusts the stranger in his bed even less. Until all that stands between war and peace is Harry, a name plate, a stadium of murderers, and Draco Malfoy. God save the Ministry. Link to Fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37523059?view_full_work=true

Notes on a resurrection by newleaves (M, 126k)

Summary: It was never Draco’s intention to raise Sirius Black from the dead. Link to Fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18634393/chapters/44188591

A Pocket Full of Stones by @amywaterwings (E, 67k)

Summary:

A curse is spreading through the wizarding world, erasing memories of the war. Harry Potter is on the case! Where Draco is the DMLE’s most wanted dark wizard and Harry is the private investigator tasked with bringing him in. It goes as well as one might expect. Link to Fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36210718/chapters/90265783

Life skills outside the curriculum by @llendrinall (E, 66k)

Summary:

It was “Witch Weekly”, of all people and organizations, the first to notice and comment on The Boy Who Lived’s absence from the ranks of first years at Hogwarts. The magazine went on to elucubrate that the young hero was studying at a foreign school, possibly Beauxbatons or Holzschuhkäse. Link to Fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7693897/chapters/17528833

Allegiance by Mimichan2018 (E, 200k)

Summary:

A month after the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry is a complete mess and everyone knows it. Draco’s on trial and has it all figured out - that is, until Harry Potter takes it upon himself to put a spanner in the works and they both get a whole lot more than they bargained for… This is a Post-War story about the War Trials and Dark magic, healing and facing one’s fears, understanding and growth, a cottage in the Cotswolds and a can of baked beans, love and a pair of Weasley jumpers. “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” Link to Fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33585556/chapters/83455573

I hope everyone has the 2023 of their dreams!

#drarry recs #drarry #HPMD #drarry fic recs #2022 reflection #2022 fic recs #2023 #week 1

Goodbye 2022

I was tagged by the lovely @oneanxiousstudybuddy, I think this is a lovely idea, and I am always up to sit down and reflect.

What are things you've grown to like this year?

This year was dense on every level for me so I hope that my tiny brain will manage to take in consideration all these past months. Surely I will miss something when refllecting, but in general I feel like there has been a lot of changes for me. And I have never been good with things changing on any level, in the past couple of years I learned to understand the importance of change, but I think this was the year I finally started really appreciating change, even seeking it on certain levels. I have still a long way to go, but that is huge for me. I think it's also fair to say I am liking myself more and more, my confidence is not at the level of my goals yet, but it's so much more present than just last year or the year before. A new thing I have grown to like in the past few months and that I'd never have imagined to is going out. In the past few months I have gone out of my comfort zone socializing in a way that felt impossible just at the beginning of the year. I have awful social anxiety, but I am slowly learning how to work agains that without feeling miserable, and I feel like a new person, and I cannot wait for it to get better and better.

What are things you've learned this year?

I have learned a lot of stuff this year, that I can do anything I set my mind to, that I can actually enjoy things, and that I can learn how to be comfortable being myself. But the biggest lesson of the year has been that I do not have control over everything, in fact I have control on very little both in the good and in the bad things of life. The only thing I have control over is myself, how I react to things, and that should be where my energies go, the rest is not mine, I do not need to worry about it because I cannot physically do anything about it. This has been, and it's still an hard lesson for me, but I am slowly learning how to deal with it, and in a way I am also learning that it is a good thing not to be in control and responsable of everything. Another lesson life has given me this year, but that still needs to sink in properly into me is that life is too short to worry, not to do what you want, and not to do everything in your power to be happy.

What works did you enjoy this year, be it films, books or other art?

Some of the books that have been living in my brain ever since I read them this year are: Hamnet by Maggie O'Farrell, Her Body And Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado, there's others but these two just stand out so much. I have particularly enjoyed Our Flag Means Death, which has very quickly become a comfort tv show. And believe it or not this year I also watched Over The Garden Wall for the first time, no idea how I managed to not watch it before. As in for music I think the artist I have listened to the most is probably Rain Paris, who does amazing rock covers, I am absolutely in love with her, everything she puts out is pure gold. i am surely orgetting to mention something, but these are the first things that came to mind.

Is there something you're still looking forward to this year?

You bet I do. I am finally on my "months of rest and relaxation", meaning I am taking a few months off university before staring my master's classes next year on the second semester. I totally could have (and should have) started right after graduating, but I refused to. I do not care at all about starting late, and I feel like I deserve a while to rest before getting back into studying. I want to, and I think it will halp me being energized and happy about studying again. I have not any goals for this few months it will just be trying to do anything that feels right without forcing in onto myself.

What would you like to see happening next year?

I have no idea. I hope I'll continue on this path of growth, I hope I'll get new oportunities, and I hope I'll get to do things I enjoy and I am happy about. I want to be at peace when I wak up in the morning, and I want to be enthusiastic about what I do. Am I trying to manifest? Probably, so don't mind me.

Thank you so so much for tagging me in this @oneanxiousstudybuddy, it was really therapeutic! I tag (no pressure) @peregrination-studies, @contre-quie, @bulletnotestudies, @lau-and-history, @aesukhia and whoever feels like doing this!

#tag #tag game #tagged #goodbye 2022 #2022 reflection #reflecting #self #care #journaling #cris speaks #the---hermit

During the month of January 2022, I went on a first date that I had absolutely no desire to go on. In fact, I remember telling my friend the night before that I wanted to cancel and that I felt sick when the guy texted me and said, “Looking forward to meeting you tomorrow.” I was completely pessimistic about the date, but my friend encouraged me to give him a chance. I begrudgingly agreed because I don’t like breaking plans with people, but as I got ready for the date the next morning, I decided that I was going to get through an hour with the guy, go home, and then text him and tell him I wasn’t feeling it.

I remember sitting at the table at one of my favorite restaurants thinking, “Well, at least I’ll get a free meal out of this date.” 😅 Then, he showed up. After about twenty minutes of conversation, I remember thinking to myself, “I think I am on a date with the person I’m going to marry.” I felt an unbelievable sense of peace in my heart throughout the entire date: We ended up staying at the restaurant for way too long and finally decided to continue our conversation at a nearby coffee shop because we were clearly hogging a table, and we didn’t want to be those people. 😂 After another couple of hours at the coffee shop, we decided that, even though we didn’t want the date to end, he needed to get back to his house and his dog. (He had driven 2 hours to meet me!) We hugged goodbye, and he promised to text me as soon as he got home.

After about two hours, I got the text that he had arrived home safely and another text saying, “I had a great time today and would love to see you again!” I texted back, and we immediately made plans for a date the following weekend.

That day was the first day of the most beautiful moments of my life. I cherished every second with this man, and I prayed every day for God to please, please, please let me keep him. I woke up feeling excited and grateful every day, and I fell asleep feeling content every night.

One day, though, I noticed a drastic shift in energy. I kept trying to tell myself that it was all in my head, that I was only feeling this way because I had gotten so used to having my heart broken, that everything was going to be okay as long as I didn’t panic. But, as I was getting ready to leave his house and drive the two hours back to mine, this beautiful, kind, brilliant, hilarious, genuinely good man took my hands and told me that his feelings for me just weren’t progressing. He wasn’t falling in love with me, and he knew it wasn’t fair to stay in a relationship with a woman he wasn’t in love with. I stared up at him for a few seconds with tears pooling in my eyes, blinked those tears away, and said, “Okay.”

I drove away from his house in silence. When I got home, I spent the rest of the day on my couch. I went to work the next morning and taught the youth of America about literary analysis. And I kept going.

It’s been several months since I’ve spoken to him. He hasn’t reached out since the day he ended things; I reached out once (embarrassingly), and he kindly told me that his decision was final. (Actually, I’m not embarrassed about that. I shot my shot. If I hadn’t at least tried, I would never forgive myself.)

I have spent the past several months trying to be okay with the fact that 2022 ended so differently than how it started. Honestly, I thought there was a real possibility that I would be engaged by the end of this year. I was that confident in my relationship with this man.

To cope, I have been trying to view the events of this year through the lens of “What is this teaching me?” At first, I was furious and devastated (and still am, some days), and all I could think was, “This is teaching me that I’ll never find love because nobody ever fucking stays.” I hated the universe and God for being so cruel, for giving me a man who was everything I’ve ever wanted and then taking him away so suddenly.

But after several months of reflection and meditation and prayer (and hysterically crying and screaming and throwing things), I am going to say that this is what 2022 has taught me: This year has taught me that I have the capacity to love so deeply, and that, because I’ve done it once, I can do it again and again and again. If you’ve been following me for awhile, you may remember that I went through a terrible breakup four years ago, and I finally healed from that—but I spent a long time thinking that I could never love someone as much as I loved that guy four years ago. And look at me now: I have loved someone ten times more than I loved that guy four years ago. ❤️ So, even though my heart is crushed into a million pieces, even though I stalked this guy’s instagram and found another girl commenting hearts on his photos (ouch! Fucking ouch!!!!!), even though I still cry from time to time for the loss of so much love—I know that this pain won’t last forever, and that one day, I will be able to open my heart again and love someone even more than I love this guy. A heart that’s hurting is a heart that’s working, and I’m hopeful that this year—a year where I’ll watch my younger brother marry the love of his life and my best friend marry the love of hers—will be filled with so much love that the shattered pieces of my heart will form the most beautiful mosaic anyone has ever seen.

#personal #long post #2022 reflection #I