gossip girl's rise hit cheongnam like a snowball effect. one day she entered the halls with her best friends by her side and everyone's happy. they're adored and idolized and the next day, all the students are glued to their phones. it doesn't take until she finds out just who this gossip girl is or isn't. it starts out fun, little blast here and there. nothing too big, just some poor kid that got laughed at for a week or so.
then she snowballed.
the stakes became much higher and soon relationship's were tested. students were outed, but it was even worse when it hit the teachers. police had been called to the school, some teachers just didn't show back up and kids walked the halls with shame. of course, some manager to become popular off of it but, there was one thing that was clear. gossip girl had dirt, it was dangerous because she didn't want anything for it. she just wanted to expose it and let it all go down in flames.
it didn't dawn on her just how dangerous it could be until she set her eyes on 'the empire' she hit each of them in a certain way, it wasn't long until gossip girl turned her eyes to nahyoung. no, she was sure gossip girl would expose her ambitions. showing the public, she wasn't the sweet angle she claimed to be. she didn't show that face to her friends, they all wanted the same thing. but she prided herself on being loved by her classmates.
but no, the mysterious post would hint at her various sugar daddies. if anything worried her, no one would be able to see her. her smile was fake it seemed genuine. even when whispers followed her around the school, she'd turn and face her classmate directly. it stunned some and caused awe in others. it didn't matter if gossip girl was wrong or right but nahyoung had charm and with that, she could fool anyone.
finally gossip girl sunk her claws into another one of her friends backs. she was a shoulder to cry on but inside she couldn't help but be happy. the more other's fucked up and she laid low, she wasn't someone gossip girl would ever touch.
“Here’s the thing, Jeongguk. If you think you’re missing a piece of yourself from the past that you couldn’t budge out, maybe it’s for the best if you try to dig deep within you what exactly it is that you’re missing. You can’t focus on your future if you keep on thinking about the uncertain past that holds you back from moving on.”
“Now, what is it that you’re missing, Jeon Jeongguk?”
11/28/11
Blood; a pool of it underneath the soles of my shoes. It was a vivid sight, truly, and you might think I’m crazy for describing it as so. The fuck am I even doing? My hands won’t stop shaking, my head won’t stop thinking about the way how slick it is to hold a gun and point it towards my useless piece of shit of a father. Hahahaha damn. That adrenaline rush through my veins when I finally pulled the trigger? Probably one of the most exciting things that I’ve felt for a while.
I swore to myself I’ll never get involved into the dangerous shit these Cheongnam kids do on a daily basis. But who am I kidding? I’m a Cheongnam kid, I should have seen this coming from myself, especially how my own father let me down for getting himself involved to selling drugs and all that. He probably used it as well for his own pleasure. Not that I’ll know nor care. Why should I? He’s dead already. And I did it.
I, Jeon Jeongguk, did it. Just in case you’d forget. I know you. You’d try to forget any of this ever happened. That’s why you’re writing this with your hands now cleaned and the gun disposed someplace else. Throwing that shit to the Han river? Seriously, you have it in you.
Why won’t you accept me? You wouldn’t even admit to the police that you’re the one who killed your father last week. They were asking you questions, yet your innocent face got away with your crime with your shrugs and broken, vague testimonies. You seriously can do anything, you know. But you won’t accept me.
It doesn’t matter. I know time will tell me that you’d forget any of this happened. But here I am right now, writing this to let you know how much you’ve sinned.
Yours truly, living inside your heart and head,
The real Jeon Jeongguk.
“Kookie, how are you?”
Jeongguk looked at his older brother, sitting next to him with a smile. They both visited their parents’ graves for their first death anniversary, and Jeongguk clutched on to his journal, with a small smile on his lips.
“I’m… relatively fine,” he sniffled, looking back at the gravestone of his father. “It’s been a year already, yet their case hasn’t been resolved.” Jeongguk’s brother sighed and tussle his younger brother’s hair, wishing to himself that a clue would point out the criminals behind the deaths of their parents.
A cold breath of air refreshed the two, and Jeongguk kept on looking at the journal in his hand. “What you got there, Kook?” The younger tensed a little at his question, yet hid his nervousness over a chuckle and stood up.
“It’s nothing. Do you want a drink? I’ll pay this time,” he said, already walking away from the cemetery to cross the street to a small store so he could purchase something.
“A coffee please,” Jeongguk asked, “and a lighter. I have to burn something up.”
Getting back from school, Junhoe felt more worn out than ever. Feebly holding his backpack, he soon loosened the grip and let it land on the floor with a clunk. Taking of his tie that seemed to be like a rope depriving him of fresh air and a deep breath, the boy smiled faintly the moment his mother stepped out of the kitchen to greet him and ask how his day was.
“Great.” He lied in a tone making his laconic statement quite believable. After all, the woman wasn’t the best at deciphering her own son. “I’ll go have a nap.” Picking his backpack up, he turned towards his room and unintentionally slammed the door. His eyes started to itch and not due to the exhaustion filling him up but because he was at the verge of breaking into tears. Nibbling on his lower lip, Junhoe grabbed a pen and his journal hidden under the pillow.
Day one — I already hate it.
I hoped not to use a word this strong, yet I can’t find anything more suitable. No matter how many books I would read and how broad my vocabulary would get, I still wouldn't be able to sum up my emotions towards this place with something else than ‘hate’.
Everyone here is so different. They come from wealthy households and the only tragedy they know is not being invited to some boisterous party. Spoiled brats. As for now, I guess I’m a transparent being for them. Maybe it’s good because at least they won’t be trying to dig deeper into my family background. I don’t even want to think what would happen if they found out I live in a sleazy neighbourhood with my mother and I basically have no idea where my father is and what he’s up to. Mom said he’s traveling around Europe but how come he has never sent a single postcard? What if he has forgotten the address already? I miss him, even though I didn’t get a chance to meet him yet.
Anyways, back to Cheongnam. Will I ever grow accustomed to those people there? Actually, I just want to meet a trustworthy friend but it seems impossible in such environment overflowing with duplicity. Looks like I also need to abandon my rules and put another face on.
When the alarm clock going off was just an irritating sounds giving him headache, especially on Monday, yet this morning it was a horrendous nightmare. He hardly crawled out of bed and his father’s piercing glare, he knew that faking a cold wouldn’t work on him. However, seeing the lukewarm and dry toast his mother prepared for breakfast, with quite questionable effort, made him feel sick to his stomach right away. But it wasn’t the lone reason behind it, though.
Throughout the weekend he had two things in his head — the hangover remaining after the Friday party and the blast, which in fact made him forget about the first bother.
Looks like Mr. Enigma found comfort in another man’s arms!
If not the acutely observant nature of Gossip Girl, Jiyong would let this party consign to oblivion as all the previous ones he had attended. Alcohol got into his system too much for him to recognize whoever he ended up making out with. He only hoped it wasn’t anyone from Cheongnam because then the last chance he would see for himself would be transferring to a different school. Preferably outside Seoul. And it wasn’t his sexuality being brought to light that left him so concerned.
He wasn’t single. Fuck. At such a young age he was already leading a double life. He and his girlfriend created an almost idol-like couple — constantly watched whilst their each action was highly anticipated. Jiyong grew tired of it quickly and soon he started a secret relationship with a boy and they didn’t need to be perfect for the public eye.
Walking down the hallway never felt so scary and nearly impossible. Trying his best not to let it show, he gazed blankly ahead and attempted to shut out the seemingly judging looks of the students surrounding him and whispering something under their breath. He didn’t want to hear it neither. Refraining from frantically rushing to the classroom, his distinguishing mysterious smirk efficiently graced his lips.
Despite his secret being disclosed, he still kept up with the mysterious image he had been shaping for the past years. Mr. Enigma in the flesh.
Sehun let out his usual disgruntled sigh as he plopped down on the leather couch in his therapist’s office, legs crossing over each other and leaning to the side, resting his head in his hand. “Don’t you think this is getting old?” he asked, raising a brow slightly in the direction of the man in the chair. His therapist was in his mid-forties, with greying hair and a stern face. He was a colleague of his father’s, which was the only reason he ended up there.
“You say that almost every session,” he mused, a faint quirk of a smile appearing on his thin mouth. “Come on, Sehun, you know you should do this. How has your week been?” he asked, just as he did every week.
He sighed again. For just under a year he’d been involved in therapy, with his father (or step-father, if he was being technical), suggesting it to his mother after another complaint from a teacher. This time it was about him simply not showing up, which he considered mild, but which his mother insisted was a sign that other things were bothering him. It wasn’t the first time they’d considered it, but it was the first time they made the appointment for him and drove him there so he couldn’t ditch that too. “It’s been the same as any other week,” he shrugged a shoulder, “What’s on today’s agenda, doc?”
“Is there anything you want to discuss?” he asked, just as he did every other time. They always started out mild, trying to stir up some interest that almost never panned out.
Lifting his head, he observed his nails. “Not really.”
The therapist cleared his throat softly, jotting down a note in his legal pad. “Alright. Well, last time we were beginning to discuss your fear of attachment, would you like to continue that discussion? It’s either that or your mother mentioned you’ve been behaving sporadically lately,” he explained, voice as calm as ever.
His head drooped back onto his hand. “Sporadic? In what way?”
The older man flipped through his notes, nodding a little to himself when he ran across what he’d been looking for. “Well, I had a phone call with her where she indicated you’ve been missing a lot of meals, and more avoidant than usual. Anything behind that?”
Sehun groaned. It wasn’t very often that his mother actually bothered to call in and check his progress, but since he was still a minor there wasn’t much he could do about it. “She’s hardly even home. So I’m thinking she probably just needed something to say, and went with that. I’ve been around the same as I always have,” he shrugged. It wasn’t completely true. He’d been skipping almost all meals his family had, insisting to them that he’d eat later (and then dispose of it later).
There was another scribble on the pad. “Alright. Why isn’t your mother home very often?”
“She’s too busy having dinners and drinks with her rich friends,” he said easily, “So she doesn’t really bother.”
“And does that bother you?”
“I don’t care. I have friends, I have other shit I can do. It’s always been this way, so I don’t see the big deal.”
Another scribble. “And your step-father?”
“He works most of the time, we’ve already been over this.”
“But not recently, sometimes it’s good to go over things. Just in case something has changed, or if your feelings about it change. How is your relationship with your step-father?”
“Fine, I guess. He’s my dad, he works all the time. We don’t talk much, but he gives me money,” he stated simply. He didn’t dislike his father, he just didn’t often interact with the man.
“And you told me a while ago that you were intimate with your step-father’s business partner? At the time you didn’t want to discuss it, would you care to now?”
Sehun licked his lips, already bored of the conversation he was forced into having. “I guess. I don’t know, it wasn’t anything worth noting. He fucked me, and that’s that.”
“Didn’t you say that it had been your first time?”
“Yeah, so?”
“Well, most people have some feelings about losing their virginity. And considering the relationship of this man to you - and considering the age difference - it might raise a few concerns,” he explained, voice careful.
He rolled his eyes. “I’m not like that. It’s not a big deal, at least I got it over with. Virginity is overrated.”
“And this brings us back to your fear of attachment,” he said, a faint sort of smile slipping back to his face.
Sehun always tried to give as little information as he could manage, but he was too bored of the whole therapy thing to bother and concoct lies to keep it all up. He had better people to lie to, and if he kept avoiding topics he kept hoping it would be enough to string him along. “It’s not a fear. I just don’t like people.”
“But why not? If I’m not mistaken, you have friends. You mentioned that you have a number of people you’ve been...intimate with as well,” he pointed out, a question evident in the way he watched Sehun closely.
Uncrossing and recrossing his legs to the other side, he shrugged again. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I like most of them,” he said, “People are fun to play with, and that’s about it.”
His therapist frowned, “‘Play with?’ As in toying with their emotions?”
Sehun paused, realizing quickly that he’d revealed more than he wanted to. “I think that’s enough for today,” he announced, flashing a fake smile at the man before standing. “I have other plans, I’ll see you next week.”
“Sehun, we still have plenty of time,” the man called after him. But Sehun didn’t bother to turn around, and just walked away. There would already be a freestanding appointment for the next week, so he didn’t need to bother and speak to the receptionist.
◦◦◦
When he returned home, he was met with the sound of silence. It wasn’t uncommon, but somehow it seemed more stark than usual after a session when he discussed his family. He could see one of the maids cleaning up in the kitchen, and he let out a soft sigh before going in there. “Hey,” he greeted her.
She smiled warmly, as she always did. “Good afternoon, Sehun,” she said, “Your mom is out to a late lunch with her friends. Your dad is still at work. Do you want anything?”
Although she wasn’t paid to do anything more than clean the house, she always told him where his parents had gone off to and offered to make him something to eat. She hadn’t worked for them for very long, and he knew that she would inevitably end up fired. But for the time, he liked having her around. “I’m good, thanks,” he said before turning around to head up the stairs to his room.
It was almost immediate that he flipped on his speakers, drawing up a playlist from his phone to play. It helped to drown out the silence that always took over his house. While he was used to it, sometimes it was still unnerving. Pulling up the messages on his phone, he began to message some of his friends to make some plans for the evening. Clearly, his parents weren’t going to be home, not that he would end up spending much time with them either way.
In under an hour, he had plans built into the evening, and he slipped over to his closet to find clothes for later. Thoughts drifted to his therapist, and he knew that there would probably be a lot to say about his behavior and avoidance of his home, but he only wanted to forget about it all. With a sigh, he dug around in the bottom of his closet until he happened upon a tiny bag of powder that he knew would help him to forget everything.
Fall often reminds of nostalgia and dwelling on memories, so we thought that it would be a perfect time for each one of you to delve deeper into your character’s past through a self-para. Due to the roleplay’s plot, we’d like you to spotlight on Cheongnam High. It can be a journal note, a flashback to a particular event and so on — whatever floats your boat, as long as it’s set during those high school days!
You have until December 4th, 12AM, EST to complete this task and although it’s not mandatory, we heartily encourage you all to take up the challenge! Remember to tag your posts as #247: task2.
