New Year ~ New You...Really? 10-30-14
Hey Everyone, I hope you are well. Hard to believe this is the last blog post of 2014 ~ amazing how fast the year has gone. Today on the blog I want to talk about the whole concept of ‘New Year ~ New You!’ I am sure like me, you are seeing things about change, resolutions, quick fixes and more. And although I totally get it, I think this puts added pressure to become amazing overnight, and for me it just doesn’t work that way. We are all great right now! We are at our very best right at this very moment. Doesn’t mean we won’t get better. This doesn’t mean that we don’t all have some things that could use some adjusting; we are all on a journey to greatness! But, it is just that – a journey – and to think a new year can somehow speed that journey up is a bit ridiculous. I think it is great to keep striving for greatness, but I don’t want that to be dictated by a number. I don’t want the New Year to put this pressure on me that I need to get everything I got wrong in the year prior 100% correct. As if this New Year will now allow me to achieve my greatness ASAP! There is this desire to do better and be better. Let’s be real this time of year invokes these feelings of change in all of us, it is just the way our society is – it’s the human-ness in us all.
Did you know only 8% of the people who proclaim a New Year’s resolution actually see it through? Only 8%!!! It seems as though we all have the first part down ~ the desire to be better. I think we can all relate to driving along in our car and thinking – maybe even dreaming if you will, of all that we can become, all that we have to offer this world. Can you relate to that? We are all dreamers in a way. It is in our dreams that our desires are born. Who we want to be and what our world will be like when we become that person. We fantasize about what it would be like to fulfill these dreams and be all that we are capable of being. We envision our life and how different it would be if we were thinner, richer, smarter and so on. Of course we truly want to be all of these things and more but somehow we get tripped up from the point of envisioning to the point of implementing. This is why only 8% of the people who seek New Year’s resolutions actually succeed.
Many people will tell you that it is important to have goals and when those goals are well defined you will tend to succeed. But, I actually beg to differ. I believe at the core of all of us we want all good things for us and the world we live in. I believe we don’t succeed because we are too focused on our goals and dreams. In the process of fantasizing about all we can be we start to question our abilities to actually make that happen. We question where we will get the willpower to lose the weight. We question our abilities to go back to school and get a degree. We fear that if we go for a bigger job we may not be qualified and then what? It is in this dreaming that we actually disconnect from our desire to be all that we are capable of being. Our desires are one upped by our fear and then we take no action and failure is eminent.
So then how does one succeed in achieving change?
Dreaming is one thing, but seeking and investigating other aspects of who we are is critical in implementing our desires. Dreaming is fun, and in fact helps the brain feel pleasure, which the brain loves. Quite often those who dream will become more complacent due to this very fact. The brain feels fulfilled just by thinking and envisioning the potential outcome and therefore doesn’t have the desire to put in the hard work required to see that dream through to reality. So what is one to do? How do we ensure that the desires we spend so much time dreaming about come to be? How do we give our dreams the wings to fly?
I came up with a 6-step process called D.E.S.I.R.E. In this process you will go through specific steps to help you dream in a more productive way. Instead of just dreaming you will go a bit deeper and see all the obstacles that stand in your way of making this dream a reality. Not in a negative way but in a realistic way. Check the steps out and see for yourself.
Dream – Think about something you REALLY – like REALLY want. Don’t think beyond the wish. Don’t worry about thinking about the how, what, where, and when part, just think about your desired wish. Maybe you want to lose 15lbs. or maybe you just want more overall health. Don’t worry about being specific just make sure it REALLY matters to you.
Envision - See yourself achieving this desire. Maybe see yourself in a pretty new dress you have been dieing to wear. Or maybe you see yourself more active with your family because you have more energy as your health has increased. Really take the time to put a full picture to your dream.
Seek – Try to see where in your life you can make small adjustments that will help you achieve this desire. Maybe when you grocery shop you stop buying potato chips and instead purchase cut up veggies. Seek those roadblocks in your life that can be stunting your progress.
Investigate – This is probably the most important part. Ask yourself this very important question What is the biggest thing holding me back? This is not always easy – dreaming is definitely more fun for the brain, but this is so important, especially if you want to be a part of that 8%. We need to ask our self these critical questions so we can discover what is the “it” that is preventing us from our success. This can be emotional as it can be something connected to a deeper emotional barricade. It can be habits that you struggle to break. Or maybe it is fear or your lack of self worth. See, not as fun as dreaming, but this discovering can make a huge difference in your success of implementing your wish.
Reveal – Once you have identified your biggest obstacle take time to mentally reveal all the scenario’s that could possibly get in your way of success. Maybe it will be willpower at a party where there are cookies, cake, and wine? Maybe it’s your inability to believe that you can. Or worse yet maybe its your inability to see how worthy you are to live your best life healthy and happy from the InsideOut!? Go there – as uncomfortable as it might be, see it, feel it, and own it. Allow yourself to experience the obstacle and reveal all the different areas of your life that potentially will rear its ugly head.
Evolve – Now that you have your dream in place. You have envisioned your life with the desired outcome and you have investigated your obstacles and revealed all the different ways you can actually fail at achieving this desire now create a plan that will ensure you allow yourself to evolve into the person you desire and so deserve to be. Create a plan of various scenarios like “If this happens, then I will do______” Have a plan in place that will prepare you for any situation and armor you with strength to make the best choices possible so that you can evolve into the person you so desire to be.
In this 6-step process we are able to visualize our dreams but also see the obstacles that can potentially get in our way. For many, they have never gone here before, so they may learn incredible things about what is blocking them. This is called positive pessimism and it has been known to help many people break the failure cycle. I have seen it firsthand with my clients. When, together, we go through different scenarios, the issues and the outcomes, I have seen my clients be empowered to make the best choices for their life and their fat loss journey, even in situations they never thought they could possibly be successful in.
Dr. Gabrielle Oettingen, author of Rethinking Positive Thinking: The Science Of Motivation, calls this mental contrasting. She states, "What we've found, in the many studies we've done, is that mental contrasting could help a lot. It means that I can take these positive fantasies and then shift gears and say, 'What holds me back from meeting these positive fantasies? What is it in me that prevents this?'” When we take the desired outcome and we challenge it with all different obstacles we see that there is a need to put the work in, we see there is a reality of hard work and commitment that is needed to make our dreams a reality. We are no longer complacent, we are motivated to dig our heals in and make happiness happen!
In less than 24-hours 2015 will be here. There are New Year’s Resolution that will be starting with a failure rate of 92% - WOW!!! Do things differently this year. Follow my 6-step process D.E.S.I.R.E and make your dreams a reality.
Do you have a desire to lose weight? I have put together a 28-Day Fat Blaster program that will help jumpstart your fat loss desires. In this program we will do a TON of mental contrasting. We need to see those obstacles that get in the way of our mindset and our overall health. If you are looking to make successful changes in 2015 this program is definitely for you.
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Remember, it is not necessarily about a New Year – New You, it is more about discovering who you are and what obstacles stand in your way. Make this New Year’s about allowing the greatness you have always possessed to be revealed from the InsideOut!
In Health & Fitness,
Maryalice