Feeling restless somehow. My heart aches.
Mom said people who keep dreaming of downstairs falling are likely to have heart attacks in future. I always dream of missing one step while going down stairs. I get waken up right at the time I am gonna fall due to the missing step. I think, vaguely, my heart skips a beat at the very moment of awakening...
I am feeling a bit restless for some reasons. My left-side chest feels unsettled somehow. Not like I am over-thinking. Strange, I am not even thinking.
Now trying to understand why I am feeling so... weird; maybe it's because, I am probably facing my Past for this come-back. I am experiencing what my Old Self has gone through, so I am the Old Self but it is different this time. There is another one there - the 'Me' is standing at a corner watching this Old Self sees things again. And the 'Me' knowing a new solution to settle things completely, rather than repeating the same mistake the Old Self did - that is, 'running away and automatic forgetting'.
I need some sort of inner peace. Everything is gonna be alright. I know that always, do I. This moment of uneasiness is understandable as long as 'things will always be fine' is what I keep at the back of my head... Right, keep believing 'I will be fine', 'everything is gonna be great!' so let's have faith, stay calm.
Damn what is this sort of melancholic atmosphere?!?! Really. I feel so unsettled, is everything alright (-__-)
My PC got problems, she seems infected even though I already checked up and removed all threats. I guess the worst case scenario might appear: reset everything. Back to basic back to the start, like it is all started from Zero again, I guess I should find it is high time for this right? Because I seem to have more attachments, failing to be decisive to erase things; thoughts like 'this should be kept or that one is still needed' keep coming up and I always hate that I couldn't just empty all out. Hanging onto something old, feeling pulled back, past dragging me away, overwhelming fear of blanking memories, solitude of emptiness and blah blah blah...ah... I feel truly restless. My chest hurts. My heart aches. It is worried. It is grieving somehow. It is sad but I don't really know why :(
Everything is gonna be fine. It's gonna be okay. We will be alright. We will definitely be alright.