#5.20.19

[missinvisibleandco]

"Locked In"

(No edit. 5.20.19)

[closetgremlin]

Had a shadowgast dream last night, surprisingly. Essik was over for a dunamancy lesson of course, and when Caleb came in he… serenaded him, I guess. Embarrassedly sang about how he’s a frugal man, doesn’t have much except his books and cat and friends, but he does want… Essik. It was cute

[edo-vivendum]

I had all my snacks today!!!!!

I'm really proud of myself. I did it over the weekend too, but it's easier when I'm at home and not around people who I think might be judging me.

But I did it today too.

Could I be getting back on track?

Now for dinner... S is going to the gym. He said I was on my own with dinner. Also, as a side note, hes in a funk, and I'm struggling not to blame myself and come up with all the ways I might've fucked up. Cause like, maybe it's just him. After all, he did lose his job two weeks ago. P, my therapist, gave me some questions to answer when I felt triggered in that way, so I'll do that later in my journal. "What am I feeling?" and "What is familiar about this?"

[lightningfilledsaber]

Can you do art of yourself in Peak Goth Performance?

UH HELL YEAH I CAN

Reblogs > Likes

Do not tag as kin/me/etc. this is Me (they/he)

[thenamesallison]

23rd birthday ~ open to all

“Hey guys! Thanks for coming!” Ally was sitting outside at the picnic table just by the dock. It was all set up for a birthday with themed paper plates and two, big golden balloons, one being a two and one being a three. She got up to hug her guests, thrilled to be celebrating for something for the first time in what felt like ages. “Feel free to drop your stuff wherever. I hope you brought swim suits because we are definitely jumping in that lake at some point.” 

[edo-vivendum]

I’m so fkn proud of you❤️

thank you!!! <3

[edo-vivendum]

Empathy, old relationships idk

There's a dude on the train who I thought might be M, my shitty ex. I was flooded with anxiety, thinking I'd have to come up with what to say or how to ignore him. If it was him, I would've wanted to tell him he was emotionally abusive, whether he intended it or not. But I don't think my words would've changed a thing. I'll never get the apology I want. And what do I want?? I think part of me wants him to come back to me, begging, only for me to turn around and be like ha you thought, I've got someone better now, someone who actually gives a shit about me, even when I'm not benefiting them 24/7. And maybe he still follows this blog and he'll see this. Pretty sure I blocked him though. Either way, I don't think he really gave a shit if he was hurting me. He didn't give a shit that he would've hurt C either.

I honestly don't understand the lack of empathy some people have. And then, at the same time, he did have empathy??? I don't know.

I don't understand how people can turn off their empathy... I can't. Like, even if I choice to take care of myself... It pains me. Sure, sometimes my emotions get the best of me and I say things I regret, but I could never just turn off my emotions.

[edo-vivendum]

i'm proud of you for making it through dinner, even if you didn't want to or you struggled. it shows how strong you are, hun. keep pushing through. you're strong, beautiful, and worth so much <3

aww I just saw this. Thank you so much. (sent four days ago) that was a super tough dinner and I did make it through, you are right <3