#5.5.2018

[ignis-et-equi]

I've never really been able to comprehend coming out if the closet as being a big ordeal. All of my friends have just always known that I'm bi, and I've completely written off ever telling my family. Now that I'm in a poly relationship, that seems to be reaffirmed.

But I just watched a triad come out of the closet to two sets of parents and it makes me crave the acceptance that their families showed them. But I know I'll never get that from my parents.

[phototagebuch]

365/37: Glückskatze

365/35: Glückshund

[godsnameisjoy]

5 May 2018

32 minutes at bedtime

Like I was saying, in the last blog entry, I couldn’t be sure about securing the vantage point in my mind. That vantage point is like a guard-post which enables me to keep a safe distance from the pull of my subconscious. I was right in not rejoicing the fact that I had located this special seat in the mind for two consecutive nights. ‘Never arrived at it last night.

The struggle at 32 minutes, felt futile. It was a good run, up until the point I found myself saying ‘this is going nowhere’. The breathing activity did pause but the issue was my mind during those pauses. The subconscious would throw wild ones at me and I watched those images, up close. The lack of distance from the subconscious made last night’s meditation a step back from the two nights prior to last. Two nights forward, one night back.

Despite this slow evolution as a meditator, I am happy to have evolved so far. To have meditated last night after a watching a film, is an accomplishment of sorts. When you show up for meditation on a Saturday night despite the habit to not, it’s a turning. The turn is in ones lifestyle, for the better.

[prosy-days]

May 5, 2018 - Day 320

Here’s the flower crown I made for my roommate’s birthday!

[ignis-et-equi]

I feel like this "love without limits" concept in polyamory is not a health poly way of living. Polyamory is about communication and consent. "Love without limits" implies that lack of consent, be it sexual, sharing partners, dating more people, etc, is not okay. It feels like pressure to be completely open and willing to do whatever with whomever instead of having a discussion about boundries and comfort levels and then respecting those things.

[callmejoys-blog]

Hôm nay anh say a lại nhớ đến Cô, ừ bất giác a lại buồn nỗi thương nhớ lại trào dâng....mắt a lại cay xè, chả bao giờ a bảo Cô làm a buồn, vì vốn dĩ chưa bao giờ a muốn Cô lo lắng hay dây dứt điều gì. Mỗi lần Cô lẫy Cô thờ ơ là biết bao lần tim anh thấy nhói , đã nhiều năm rồi anh k thương ai nhiều đến vậy... Chắc Cô chưa bao giờ biết a thương cô hơn cả bản thân mình, anh chả biết làm gì hơn chỉ dám chăm lo cho Cô và gia đình Cô... xem họ như một phần gia đình của mình, đôi lúc chỉ mong Cô hiểu rằng, a chả bao giờ đòi hỏi gì cả, chỉ mong Cô cùng gia đình được bình an, đó là cách a thương a yêu một cô gái