#6.9.2021

[prosy-days]

September 6, 2021 - Day 79

The evening light caught my eye. I'm trying to enjoy the days while they're still long instead of prematurely mourning the loss.

[godsnameisjoy]

KINKY

Date: 6 September 2021

Duration: 39 minutes at 9:43 PM

Depth:

I write this blog in the morning after the meditation session. Between the meditation session and waking up for a new day, I have had one dream worth recalling. I believe the subconscious weaved the dream not realising that the imagery is deeply insightful.

In my dream I was self righteously violent. I enjoyed the look of fear in my victim. After I woke, I realised that my subconscious was fulfilling a desire. The desire was to express my anger over a thwarted desire. Look at how complicated that sounds. Sounds like a kink added to a forgotten desire.

I have a desire which remains unworked on. I haven’t consciously worked on it because of control and abuse by others. The desire to survive is a passionate one. Amygdala in our brain is a huge sucker of energy. Meditation reduces activity in amygdala!

Our desires are small locked up bundles of life energies. I also know from meditational experience that these small bundles can release tremendous amount of energy. For our desires to survive the test of time, we feed them with thoughts and actions. In fact, we are compelled to feed them because we keep our creative life energies locked in them. Monogamy is a kink.

It isn’t ‘control and abuse’. It really is ‘control by abusing’. It isn’t ‘forgive and forget’. It is ‘forgive by forgetting’. Forgiveness is a great way to remove life energy out of a buried desire. It is quite a blessing to have a strong desire for the impossible. You realise soon that the desire must die while buried alive. The life energy caught must be released for noble tasks.

As a 47 year old mother of two children, I am acutely aware that one of my age old desires simply cannot be fulfilled. For instance, it is not possible to travel places by teleportation in a world that is yet to invent teleportation devices. I do relate to a ceremony involving nuns getting married to Jesus. These are wedding ceremonies where you as a guest can’t wish for a happy married life without sounding sarcastic. My desire was born of the environment I was raised in.

The environment exists, but I am not a part of it. In fact, I have dedicatedly outgrown it due to my other desire - the desire to survive. The desire to not be abused is such a strange one. It is a wish to control the behaviour of a proven controller! This is so funny.

To think of it, any want other than the want of God, is a way of locking life giving energies in places it isn’t meant to be. Placing freed up bodily energies in the hands of a faceless God is the liberation I seek. Everything else is a life sucking kink. Earth bound desires use up life energy that can be freed via meditation. Meditation is a suitable forum to attempt returning life energy to its Sender.

Following are words by Gurudev Paramahansa Yogananda:

‘Desire is what holds you in mortal bondage. If you want a big home on a hill with a view, a nice income, a good marriage and family, you may wear yourself out striving to get these things, then perhaps your spouse leaves you for somebody else, or you get sick, or your business fails—that is the nature of human happiness.’ - Read more

http://yogananda.com.au/gurus/yoganandaquotes05a.html

[godsnameisjoy]

DIVINE ENERGY

Date: 6 September 2021

Duration: 32 minutes at 2:08 PM

Depth:

‘Spontaneously made a brightly lit prayer for my son’s roomie and the roomie’s parents. The prayer of light and love was felt strongly for the roomie’s mother. And I don’t know how any one of them (roomie and family) looks like.

There was a dull, almost negligible pain felt in the lower spine today. It was right towards the end of this session. In fact, I stopped meditating because of it. I can’t afford an outcome of awakened kundalini such as the kind Gopi Krishna has described in his autobiographical account ‘Living with Kundalini’. I am not afraid of these life giving energies. I am simply not in a frame of mind and body to let the energies overtake my attention.

Boy! It is hard to keep a watch on anything when one has free flowing excessive energy shaking one’s body. The mantra in one’s head can’t be heard anymore. It is difficult for me to ascertain if my breath is moving at all. I definitely can’t decide if my bodily movement is in sync with my heart’s beat.

There is definitely some heat to the energies in our spines. I haven’t felt this warm since my early days of meditation. Back then, from 1999 till the time my subconscious came on, I would perspire in the first few minutes of my sessions. The heat I feel now is not skin deep, that’s for sure. This has nothing to do with my body shaking. It has to do with the energy in the spine.

There is one other thing worth noting with regards my attention. As the energy levels go from low to high within a session, I find it imperative to influence the flow of this nearly wild energy. Energy has to return to Sender if it is done moving the body it is in. Strangely, the byproduct of this sense of urgency is a whole hearted concentration on the purpose of all one’s meditations. Concentration gets better as one advances within a given session.

[puregrief]

كنت قريت مرة إن علبة الأناناس الواحدة مبتكفيش أناناسة كاملة أغلب الوقت، فالمصانع بيقسموا الأناناسة في علبتين، وده معناه إنك بتشارك نفس الأناناساية مع حد متعرفوش وممكن في نفس الوقت، ويتش از سو كيوت والله وبتأثّر كل ما أفكر فيها🥺🥺❤

[puregrief]

نفسي يبقى لي بيت عشان أسباب كتيرة، ومن أهمها إن كل حاجة هتبقى زي ما أنا عايزاها بالضبط ونضيفة ومرتبة ومحدش بيعك ورايا ولا يلخبط اللي بعمله. نفسي في النوع ده من الراحة أوي والله، هعيط :(

[cubbiverse]

He's so happy you came! Hope you all enjoy your picnic with ghostbur !!

Those who Came:

@blitzgamev @ladycatland @hellothisisveryscary @mysticalblue09 @ranboo-smp @dancinglifeboat @questioningrealities-24-7

[cubbiverse]

how did the three tommys die? like, i know radiation, drowning, and by lava, but how did they die/what happened?

Trigger Warnings ahead for Death, Exile Arc, and overall Bad End for Tommy (Including losing to mental illness, manipulation, & abuse)

Open Disclaimer: None of these deaths are to romanticize the bad endings in any way, shape, or form.

I based each tommy's death during times when the fandom Believed Tommy Would Lose His Last Life. So far there has been 4 instances where the fandom, on twitter and on tumblr, had collectively theorized, worried, and debated that he'd canonically die. Dead Innit: His is by lava, and was probably the first time the fandom collectively freaked out. This was during the Suicide Scene, where Tommy contemplated jumping into the lava, with the famous "It's never my time to die" line. While, canonically, Dream would have done anything to save Tommy (Even going so far as telling him to log out, as to dig up the lava when Tommy had accidentally fallen in once-- even /tp -ing if need be)-- in this a.u, Dream failed to catch him on time.

Phantommy: His is by Drowning, and was the second most popular incident where the fandom was drawing loads of "Ghost/Dead Tommys". This was during the Waking Scenes, where Tommy started every stream, deep underwater, and half air bubbles gone. Canonically, this is never really explained-- however, reached it's peak after logstedshire was blown up, and Tommy built up to the sky. So, in this A.U, Tommy didn't flee to Technoblade, but became Phantommy, after building up to the sky, after the end of Logstedshire. In which case, Tubbo's assumption upon visiting Logstedshire is correct (Though, in this A.U, he hasn't visited Logstedshire yet)

Gommy: This one is one of the less tragic endings, purely because it was played as comedic happenings, but it's basically "What if Jack Manifold and Nikki Nihachu managed to get Tommy to the Bomb Site on time". His radiation death was from the explosion. His body was messed with pretty badly, so it's all decayed-- but soon (as per the updated reference here) when he heals up, the body'll change.

Ghost Innit: This one's also pretty simple. After Doomsday, he and tubbo went for a Final Confrontation with Dream, before led to the obsidian room and told to say goodbye to Tubbo. In this A.U, the Back-up Plan failed, and help arrived too late-- they reached checkmate.

Dead End AU Masterpost

[cubbiverse]

Ghostbur wants to invite you to a picnic. Will you accept his invitation?