CI:
Even after three years, and even after experiencing all of these things that I had thought would help me be a better person, I STILL feel empty. I still have somewhat that same tone of voice in my head that I've obtained since high school.
Well, I am a better person, like I said previously, I'm not so helpless as I was back then. Though I am in a danger zone. Sometimes I feel like when I complain about my problems I imagine all of these other people who struggle more than I do, most of the time it's made up people in made up situations but all the same chances it's real nonetheless. I still can't quite pinpoint the source of my distress. Sometimes I don't even feel like getting up in the morning, which is normal for college students nowadays. But still, I just imagine parents who have to wake up extremely early every day to get their child ready for school or parents with babies who think a full 4 hours of sleep at night is a blessing. Then I switch over to my current situation and I can't help but feel so disgusted at myself and people who are like me. Though I still attempt to finish all of my responsibilities, it's STILL half-assed which is STILL enough. I honestly wish I should have just gone to UC Berkeley. if I had gone there instead of move to Sacramento at 16, I'd be at a much better spot and pace in my life..
That's a little spiteful and pessimistic to say. I need to get out of that mindset really. Right now I'm just waiting for Vanessa, we're getting ready for the night.