#7.11.19

[madridistaforever]

Real Madrid 6-0 Galatasaray (UCL, Group A, MD4) | November 6, 2019 Rodrygo 4′ (assist: Marcelo) Rodrygo 7′ (assist: Marcelo) Ramos 14′ (P) Benzema 45′ (assist: Rodrygo) Benzema 81′ (assist: Carvajal) Rodrygo 92′ (assist: Benzema)

[only4youtime2dance]

His excitement about it makes me smile. I love it

[joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

Beastars episode 5 was pretty good! Haru and Legoshi’s blooming relationship is real nice, but Haru’s also fucking Louis, and their relationship seems pretty personal, like it doesn’t just seem to be a girl and boy who occasionally fuck, so that could all be a source of drama. Episode was actually fairly chill which is cool, last episode was pretty fucking intense so I appreciate the bit of a break that this was.

[theblackhole7]

#9 Dusk till Dawn by ZAYN ft Sia (7/11/19)

Gon, give love to your body

It's only you that can stop it

Gon, give love to your body

Gon, give love to your body~ (sexiest part of the song)

But you'll never be alone

I'll be with you from dusk till dawn

I'll be with you from dusk till dawn

Baby, I'm right here

I'll hold you when things go wrong (always :))

I'll be with you from dusk till dawn

I'll be with you from dusk till dawn

------

"On “Dusk Till Dawn,” ZAYN and Sia tell the story of two lovers who are willing to do whatever it takes to stay together."

Pretty much us? I love this song. Loved everything about it. Love Zayn, I mean who doesn't love that sexy beast and his angel voice and Sia. Damn. This collab was awesome. But yeah dusk till dawn baby. ❤

[missinvisibleandco]

"Finding The Way"

(7.11.19)

[closetgremlin]

So Re: same soul, different body that the Kryn Dynesty has going on, the whole reincarnation thing—How exactly does it work, location-wise? What if a person is consecrated (or however you spell that) and in their next life they’re born, like. Outside the Dynasty, away from the people who help them figure out who they are/were in the past life?

What if they’re born in the Empire?

What if they end up highborn in the Empire?

What if the Bright Queen gets reborn into the family of the Empire’s ruler? So say her memories start coming back and oh maybe she keeps them to herself, oh they’re just dreams or something, she tells herself, but she feels they’re important… somehow… Maybe one day she lets it slip to someone that she dreams of the Dynasty, of its people and life, and word gets to the king (that’s what the Empire has, right?). The child’s “seer” ability is kept secret, and she feels wrong every step of the way, but she’s helping her family, isn’t she? Helping her country, the people she was born to?

The dreams keep coming, and they don’t feel like dreams anymore.

[ener-chi]

This is going to be a long personal post, so if that’s not your thing, feel free to scroll past it.

I was born and raised into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, aka The Mormon Church. My entire family, and my entire extended family, on all sides, are also mormon. For almost the entirety of my youth, i was completely absorbed into this religion, and it actually meant a lot to me. I was always a smart kid, and i loved to delve into the scriptures and learn about the history of the church, and to participate in the church meetings and classes.

By the time that i had reached high school, i was very knowledgeable about almost every aspect of the church. It was also a big part of my life and my identity, and i held many leadership positions in the church, as well as actively tried to reach out to others to try and convert them; I was very involved.

This all changed when i was 15. It’s a bit of a long story, but in one of my history classes a single thought struck doubt into my mind about the church and about the validity of God. This led me to a very long month spiral of constant analysis and questioning and research and confusion, about both the Mormon church as well as God himself. At the end i decided to do a test of faith, and for a week straight i lived the most holy way i could, casting aside everything non-church related and basically engulfed myself in a week of scripture study and prayer, praying to God for an answer about himself and the church. At the end of the week, i still hadn’t received an answer. The memory is still so clear, me on my knees, praying, begging, for an answer, and no answer came... and then the realization dawning on me that maybe i was praying to nothing, maybe... God just, doesn’t exist.

This completely shattered me. My entire life, my entire identity, up to this point, was based in my faith and in the church. And in a moment, it was all gone. I laid on the floor, my mind spinning as my entire being was just nullified. And then i was hit with the insignificance of my existence, and i was face to face with the nothingness beyond death. And in that moment, i had to decide whether it was worth it to eke out a meaningless existence or not. 

Of course, i decided that i might as well live. But from there, i had to completely rebuild my entire view of the world, of my morality, of myself, of everything. And it was absolutely horrible. I went through a very tough time as i tried to figure things out in a suddenly strange and unfamiliar world. I won’t dig any further into this now, as this isn’t the point of the story (and also my beliefs have radically changed since then anyways).

On top of trying to rebuild my world, there was the problem of church. I didn’t believe in the Mormon faith anymore, let alone God, so what was the point of going? But, i realized, i actually didn’t have a choice. I had to keep it a secret; i wasn’t sure exactly how my family would react, but i knew that it wasn’t going to be good.

And i was right. I was able to struggle through church for a few weeks, but my parents read through some of my texts and confronted me about it. I came clean, and i told them, and i begged them not to let me go to church anymore; it was painful. And they told me no; they were going to force me to go to church every Sunday, as well as all of the church activities during the week. They also expressed their anger and extreme disappointment; my father called me an error. My mother refused to look at me. My siblings didn’t speak to me, and neither did any of my prior Mormon friends. My already rough existence was plunged further into hell.

Fast-forwarding here, my relationship with my family was completely ruined. They shunned me, and i hated them for forcing me to go to church, which was hell for the 3 years that they did. It was a very hard time in my life, and i was convinced that after i went to college, i would never speak to them again. But i gradually phased out going to church, and from there, things immediately began to improve. I went to college, and my relationship with my mom had gotten better, and i could tell that she had kind of come to accept my change in beliefs. My father had softened a bit, but he was still distant and i could tell that he still expected me to come back to the church. Fast-forwarding to today, my relationship with my parents is actually excellent, we have a wonderful bond, and i think we were able to form a relationship despite our differences in beliefs.

So why do i share this story? It’s all context for what has been happening the past couple of weeks for me. So since that all happened a couple of years ago, i’ve actually basically completely healed from the whole thing, from being forced to go to church, to the dejection from my family, everything; i don't harbor any bad feelings towards anyone.

But what’s interesting is that like 2 weeks ago, i noticed that old memories of my days in the church and from those times started to cross my mind, and pretty frequently at that. Also, i work at a doctors’ office, and when i pull up a patient, it shows their religion, and i started seeing more and more patients that were Mormon, much more than normal. AND THEN on top of that, about 4 days ago i started getting emails from Mormons in the local ward, and i found out that my father had transferred my records out here, presumably to get them in contact with me in hopes of them reconverting me. I guess my father really never fully accepted my change after all.

Anyways, all of this was happening, and i knew that it must mean something. I don’t believe in coincidences, at all; literally everything happens for a reason, so I was just kind of watching all of this Mormon stuff recur into my memories and into my life, just waiting to see what the universe was trying to do.

And then - yesterday, it happened. I was scrolling through tumblr, and an ad for QuitMormon came across my dash. It is very difficult to leave the Mormon church. It is a very long process that has to be done in person, and they make it long on purpose to give them time to try and change your mind and reconvert you. But this ad for QuitMormon, which was the first time i had heard of it, advertises free legal services from ex-mormons to get out of the Mormon church without all of that in-person hassle, and it has really good reviews and testimonials.

So i saw this ad, and i just laughed. I laughed really, really hard. This is what the Universe has been building up to for the past 2 weeks. I’ve struggled for a long time, and i’ve been continuing to be harassed by the Mormons for a while, and all of the sudden, i have my out; if i wanted to, i could withdraw my records and be officially done with it.

I didn’t do it. I’ve completely healed from my traumatic past from the church. Do i still get calls and visits from the church? Yes. Is it annoying? A little bit, yeah, and i wouldn’t mind putting an end to it. But this isn’t about me; it’s about my father.

As annoyed as i was initially when i found out that he had transferred my records here, i recognize that it’s actually him showing that he cares about me.  He still thinks about me, and looking out for my eternal salvation is his way of showing that he still is looking out for my best interests, even if i don’t agree with his beliefs.

I’ve completely accepted my differences with my parents, and i’m not exactly sure where my mother stands with it, but i’m pretty sure she’s accepted it as well. But my father... my father still has a very long time to go before he accepts that i am on my own path. If i were to officially leave the Mormon church, it would make it more difficult for him to accept this, as well as probably drive a little bit of a wedge between us. So even though i am given the opportunity to leave, and even though i will still have to deal with the occasional harassment, i will decline.

It is still blowing my mind, though, that the universe set all of this up. Like the amount of synchronicities that lined up was enormous, and i watched as it built up and up, just wondering where it was going, and i wasn’t expecting the final destination. It was one hell of a test, but i smile knowing that i passed it. 

This is the second time that the universe has put such a large synchronicity in my life, and it’s just... so crazy to me. Like it is just such a huge affirmation for the path that i’m on, and it really helps me rest easy knowing that the universe really does have my back; and for that, i am eternally grateful.

If you read this far, wow! Thank you for reading! I’m writing this mainly for me, so that i can look back on it and record it in my journal, but i hope that you also gain something from it.

Blessings!

[madridistaforever]

18-year-old Rodrygo becomes the youngest ever Brazilian goalscorer in the Champions League history and the second-youngest player to score a hat-trick in the competition (Raúl is first) | November 6, 2019