#8.11.19

[niallhoranhasthat1thing]

Josh Anderson at NHL vs. Docs

[lungblossom]

my daughter now

[maldreathezora]

This just in. Cancer sucks. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to drink my miralax and my zillion pills, slather my naked body in CBD oil, take another brownie and sleep until noon tomorrow, waking up ten times during the night to shake night sweats off my sheets. How the hell do I manage to get anything done, I don't know. I'm a fucking badass who pulled myself back up from the brink of death and I may be sad now but tomorrow I will still find something worth laughing about

Edit: it is now 3 am and I have woken up for the third time tonight, pain has settled, and i have already found something to laugh about in the form of a big brown mouse who is enjoying the stale chicharrones in my trashcan. Mice are simultaneously cute and terrifying. Want to pick up, afraid I will squish.

[bluehydrangea21]

8.11.19

Found a quiet space by my biology class to study with some hot chocolate ✨

🎧 Santa Fe - Lostboycrow

[edo-vivendum]

I'm probably leaving Friday after next. The current plan is to discharge to IOP (moooore iop) and be part time this semester (aaaagain). I'm in a place where I'm not suicidal doing trauma work, but I'm also very triggered and struggling with urges to restrict and urges to self harm along with motivation not to do either. I'm trying to trust the process and convince myself that I will get better eventually but it's hard to convince myself that when I've been trying for so long and feel like I'm moving in circles. Regardless, I've done alot of work while I've been here. It's been hard and triggering work. But it's good work.

[devonjwerkheiser]

Ned's Declassified: The NEW Survival Guide

[ener-chi]

Holy moly i’ve felt like shit all day.

I felt super burned-out for the rest of the day yesterday but today i slept more than usual and woke up feeling just completely shot. I had some stuff i wanted to do today, but it was all cancelled so that i could lie around and try not to die.

I felt a lot better after eating a very healthy breakfast and doing some major qigong, but i still feel just... drained and like i got in a fight with a steamroller and lost.

Actually the past couple of days i’ve been a little bit out of tune with my spirits, but since i put up my wards i’ve basically had no contact with them at all. But i don’t feel bad about it. Actually, i was lying down and listening to music and i popped up to the astral as the music became like an interactive soundscape flowing around me. I felt and saw both of my guides swimming around me, and they both popped up in front of me, and smiled, but didn’t say anything, continuing to circle me. I have the feeling that they are giving me a wide berth on purpose, respecting my low energy until i fully recover.

I actually popped into the astral and quickly visited The Green Man. I was supposed to go to the forest and visit him today, but clearly there was no way that was going to happen. I apologized for not visiting, explaining about how my energy is shot. He stood me up and placed both of his hands on my shoulders, and said that i don’t have to apologize. 

“You should never have to apologize for what you have to do to survive”

He also told me that he is very proud of me, how much i’ve grown, how strong i am. He told me that even if i don’t feel like it at times, i am still very strong. At this point i got emotion and teared up.

He boosted my energy, and then encouraged me to leave to conserve my energy.

Even though i kind of feel like i’m running in a bit of a low spot right now, i know that it’s okay because i just feel so much love emitting from my guides, and from the universe. 

But i’ll tell you what, i can’t wait to get my energy back i feel like trash lolol

Well that’s it, i’m definitely going to bed now.

Blessings!

[niallhoranhasthat1thing]

Josh Anderson at NHL vs. Docs