i'm realizing i don't want to be trapped in this slowly filling room with you. you're a man who's far too lost- miserable and unwilling to see how beautiful our lives are. i don't want to drown like this. i'm not going to sink with you. the water is rising, we're gasping for air at the ceiling as we try to stay afloat. i have many things to say, but also nothing at all. the gifts, the dreams, things you offer to me are so beautiful.
they say to be loved is to be changed, but this isn't love. it's cruelty. you're chaos, you're pain. you are smoke that fills my lungs and chokes me. everything i had built, everything i had loved, has been destroyed by you. maybe that was your goal. did you mean to break me down? did you mean to peel back the flesh that guards my heart, only to pour your tar into me?
i lay here in my bed, punished once again for being the person you've turned me into. i think about ending my life while you sleep. i think about it every night. i think maybe my death will give me freedom from your harm. but i am loved, i am adored. i am cherished by many to your dismay. to free myself from your clutches, only for your abuse to hurt them too. i wouldn't be able to stand it. i'm weak, i'm hurt, i'm dying. you have extinguished the fire in my heart.
my happiness is your enemy. your heart is full of envy. you are a ball of fury hellbent on making the person you claim to love to nothing more than a shattered body. nothing can bring me joy, you will stomp on it. nobody can speak to me, you will destroy cities with your jealously. i can't even speak to my own mother without facing your rage. you will always hold me accountable for the actions of others. this is no way to live. i do not feel alive.
you can accuse me of being the bad guy. i know you will. i will be the villain, you will be the poor victim. people will look at me with disgust. people will tell you they hope i kill myself. i don't care. any amount of talking behind my back would be better than your venom.
stay in your pit, never see the light of day. let me be free from the darkness you've grown so acquainted to. don't kill me with you.
