fleeting years @twentythirtytwos - Tumblr Blog

crepe. 23. feb 11. it/its.

#intro

tammysneurosis

I want to be someone's angel

#rb

creatureseason

-@creature season

the pain of healing

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heavensghost

from Autopsy by Donte Collins

#rb

gloombog

“/ skin and dirt

meat and bones

ravenous dog digging

teeth into rapturous youth

/ she’s immaculate vice

and tender candor

strip me apart in layers

devour with cautious abandon

/ dirt and meat

skin and bones

to make hell of a body

with a soft grazing hand”

-

tessa kelly, 2017

#rb

rottenk4rma

I was always a slut.

I was born a slut.

Every adult was after that slut.

And a slut should be quiet.

Atleast that slut was loved, wasnt it?

#rb

autismvampyre

i say i hate him, i say he ought to die and if he did i wouldn't shed a single tear. but deep down, i know that at the sound of apology from his lips, i'd drop everything to run into his arms

#rb

unspokenwordsbyhb

#rb

back where i started. i'm not surprised. i always come back here. like i'm lost in a forest, my guides blowing away. i hate everyone and everything– i'm a person, not a toy. well, maybe it gets to a point where one becomes such a thing... maybe i am just that. maybe i am worthless like an item in a landfill, rotting and buried.

#05.27.25 #6:35am

pastperfectcontinuous

bell hooks mentioned going through a time in her life where she was severely depressed and suicidal and how the only way she got through it was through changing her environment: She surrounded her home with buddhas of all colors, Audre Lorde’s A Litany for Survival facing her as she wakes up, and filling the space she saw everyday with reinforcing objects and meaningful books. She asks herself each day, “What are you going to do today to resist domination?” I also really liked it when she said that in order to move from pain to power, it is crucial to engage in “an active rewriting of our lives.”

ritavonbees

I have come to think of the suicidal impulse as the brain waving a flag to say three things:

something needs to change here

this is urgent

I don’t know how to do it

death is the ultimate metaphor for drastic change. it’s a general specific. whatever your problems are, it is very likely that dead people don’t have to deal with them. a real solution to your problems may demand a very narrow range of action that’s likely to be out of reach at this moment, but death is sold on every street corner, so it feels like a more realistic fantasy than happiness.

you don’t really want to die per se but it’s also not completely random chemicals swamping your brain for no reason. you want the pain to stop, you want to be somewhere else, you want to be someone else. it’s urgent. you don’t know how to do it. the end is not the end but a means that feels within your reach right now.

this is the wisdom of bell hooks: daily rituals of meaning and resistance and solidarity are part of slowly building a future where you can make the change you really need. and only alive people can do that. every step you take towards change and power is another step away from death.

#rb #keep