#8:39am

[enioyyyyyyyyyy]

Goodnight .

[catchmewhen-i-lie]

The day I got my ears cleaned by the doctor, I came home earlier than usual.

There, waiting for me, was my beautiful girlfriend

This was a week or so ago, but I didn't have the energy to write this

I was just so pleased and relieved to be in the moment with her.

We didn't do anything out of the ordinary, but she made my soul sing when she cradled me in her arms.

My ears were clear, I could hear everything with such intensity

It made me wonder: Can she hear how hard my heart is beating inside my chest right now?

With her head tucked against me, I'm sure it wouldn't have been a difficult fear but she didn't say a word.

A little sigh escaped her lips as she snuggled into me further

and I swear my heart tripped over itself at the sensation.

Every day, the feeling continues on as it was but I don't think I could ever get tired of it.

It feels warm.

[thesurestthing]

hey.

you're a luddite.

is that mean enough for you to come talk to me? (:

[epiikal]

been dead since yesterday

[k8ttt]

don't know why i'm awake.

[thy-ler]

I feel like drawing so bad, but i dont wanna get up, its waaaay to early...

[justhershey]

Past always hunts me

I know I was a little bit drunk yesterday. Napadami ata inom ko dahil sa kwentuhan namin kahapon. I don’t know but I thought that ‘guy’ who was beside me yesterday, won’t tell anything about the ‘past’ of me from my old school.

He’s so approachable to be honest. He talks nicely. We used to be close friends before (that was 3-4 years ago I think) and because I transferred to another school, we didn’t have much time to talk or to see each other again. And then we met again 6 days ago. Nakakatuwa dahil nagkita ulit kami dun sa binyag. At first, of course we’re still shy to talk about things because we haven’t seen each other for a long time. And we’re both beside our parents so that’s why we can’t talk comfortably. And then again, yesterday, kasama siya sa house ng friend ng mom ko dahil fiesta. So the kids, us, gathered on one table to have some fun and games, etc. The elders planned to drink alcoholic bevarages. So kami namang mga bata, we joined them too. Tutal our parents are just there naman eh. We played card games and it’s really fun to be honest! I enjoyed it a lot. After the card games, we started to talk about things, school, girls (because there are 5 boys with us ofcourse they'll talk about things such as that) and other stuff. Ang lagi kong kausap, yung 'guy’ na yun na nasa tabi ko. I don’t know but in a blink of an eye, naging close na kami ulit bigla. I told you, he’s so approachable and friendly. We talked about our schools kung kamusta na, ganyan. And nakisali naman yung iba sa usapan namin. Suddenly, one of the boys who’s beside me too asked me a question. “Ate, nagkaboyfriend ka na ba?”. And then I nodded shyly. That’s when that 'guy’ started to open the topic about me and my ex. And my ex bestfriend. And some other things related to my past.

I don’t know pero parang nanliit ako bigla sa sarili ko nun. I know there are lot of boys that liked me on my elementary days (we’re like 12 yrs old that time! Geez) and they said, pinaasa ko lahat ng mga yun. That I flirted with them and then rejected them. But I know in myself that, that’s not true. I’m just keeping my friendship with them! What’s wrong with that? I’m friendly with boys than girls tbh because some girls are just too much drama. Unlike boys, they doesn’t care a lot about things. But they’re concern when it comes to me. Ang bata pa namin nun why the hell shouldn’t I reject them? And hindi ko sila pinaasa dahil hindi naman ako nagbigay ng pag-asa wtf.

But I made a mistake. I didn’t control my feelings toward that person because I like him a lot. Kaya ayun, sinagot ko. At dun na nagwala yung iba. Ang daming paninira sakin non. At naungkat din yung past ko bago pa yun. Sht. Everytime I remember those moments I really want to cry. Ako nagmukhang masama sa mata ng ibang tao. I feel dirty for myself everytime I remember everything. That almost all of my guy friends liked me that time and they said because I flirted with them. My ex bestfriend keep saying words behind my back. Everyone. Everything are all fucked up. I’m being judged by everyone.

And because of thinking too much yesterday, hindi ko napansing nakakatatlong bote na pala ako. It’s just that ayoko lang na may nagkukwento pa ng about sa past ko. Because it fucking hurts so much. Everytime na may magoopen about dito, I’m trying to change the topic as soon as possible. But yesterday? I haven’t done anything to stop it. Any single word related to my past, bumabalik sakin ang LAHAT. Damn.

They said elementary days are just fun, games and etc. But mine is not. Ang daming twists sa buhay ko nun. Ang daming nangyari. It was the worst and it was the best. Even though I had regretful moments before, I still had much fun moments with them. And of course with my classmates. I still can’t forget everything.

I know what’s the past is already in the past. Pero minsan may mga bagay o mga tao na magbabalik at magbabalik nito sayo. I know it will keep on hunting me till death. But isa lang ang narealize ko, I think it’s time for me to feel nothing at wag na magpaapekto pa dito. It will take time to heal the wounds but it will leave a scar. Sa ngayon, sugat pa din ito na hindi humihilom na kailangan ko ng gamutin. Pero damn ako yung natuturnoff sa sarili ko tuwing iniisip ko to. Minsan gusto ko na ding umalis sa lugar na to para dun na ko sa lugar na may mga bagong tao para mga bagong memories. Doon sure na ako na walang magbabalik ng past ko. Tss.

And yesterday, I was being judged again by someone I treasured the most haha. I’m really a disappointment for everyone. Before that, may mga nasabi ako sakanya kahapon because I was drunk. Nakakalakas pala ng loob talaga pag nakakainom. I knew it. I turned him off. Baka ayaw na nun sakin like everyone does. *sigh* I’m disappointed with myself again.

I hate drama pero bakit ang drama ko nitong mga nakakaraang araw? Parang di ako to eh. Damn. Di pwede ako mabadtrip because it’s my day tomorrow kahit hindi ko birthday. I want to be happy ohmygod

[s-implethoughts]

That was suppose to be a movie we watched together. When I first saw that movie, I just knew that I wanted to watch that movie with you. The first time watching the movie would be with you. But it wasn't and throughout the whole movie my heart ached because I begged you to see this movie with me. I asked to watch it but we just couldn't find the time to go to the movies and watch it. I couldn't even enjoy the movie..